Are Ir Black Women Victims of Unrequited Love?

Are Ir black women victims

of unrequited love ?

Continuing the analyses of black female inter-racial bloggers.

by Menelik Charles...London, England

Much of the pro-white male postings of IR Black women read like strangulated woes of unrequited love for Black men. Thus their ‘desire’ for white-male attention is not what it first appears. Please consider the following quotes from Traci, a New Yorker, who posted diary entries on her visit to Chicago over at CW’s blog “Black Women Deserve Better”. It read:

“I know that many Black women prefer Black men, but you MUST realise
that if a good non-Blackman wants to talk to you, talk to him, and date
him. Black men are not thinking about us Black women. They
are dating out and enjoying it. So why shouldn’t we?”

Can we assume here that Traci is also one of the “many Black women who prefer Black men”? Anyway, unlike other self-appointed relationship counsellors, she’s actually following her own advice:

“change the attitude and you will see the results” that’s what I said in my last post to you. It’s so cold here in Chicago so the potential for meeting people is low. I decided to join a gym. Much to my surprise, the gym is like 98% white. A ton of white men! I decided to get a personal trainer, a man. Yes, he’s white, very nice looking as well!”

Ok, so the men are white but what is the point or objective of potentially meeting “tons of white men”? Traci continues:

“there are Black men personal trainers…and I’ve noticed I’ll talk to my
trainer and catch them staring at me. Why? I have no idea. I picked a
man, I didn’t specifically say a white man…so why the looks?”

Why should Traci care a damn why Black men are “staring” at her? And besides, the only way one can confirm someone is staring at you is by staring back at them! But what might have started out as a glance may end up as a stare. So how can we be sure those Black men were actually staring at Tracy, and not at first merely glancing in her direction? Perhaps Tracy can answer this question:

“ChiTown is not as diverse as NYC but when I walk around
I do a lot of people watching. I look at what people
are looking, at and whose looking at whom”.

“Why the looks”, Tracy? Clearly, weight loss was not her primary objective at the gym. She set out to “catch” someone’s attention in much the same way the FBI set out to entrap America’s ‘most wanted’. But whose attention was this “people watching” sauce pot seeking to arouse? Again, Tracy can provide an answer:

“I’ve noticed white, Asian and Hispanic men check out Black women.
CW I don’t Know why some of us don’t think that we aren’t attractive”.

Perhaps Tracy doesn’t believe herself “attractive”. But here’s my point: She appears unwittingly to be instructing Black women (“who prefer Black men”) to seek out the social company of, for example, white men in order to attract the interest of “envious” Black men! If this was, indeed, the case then perhaps what she really meant by “change the attitude and see the results” was more like: change the tactics and see the results! Well, she certainly got a “result” at the gym, didn’t she?

Tracy’s white-male blues

Our Tracy’s alleged quest for a “White Knight” doesn’t stop at merely being a sidewalk ‘peeping Tom’. With fellow “Black female empowerment” seekers in tow she decides to hit the club. She writes:

I went to a Blues club with a few friends. Of course, we were the only Black women in the place. Ok, so you may wonder why we decided to go to a Blues club when we knew we would be in a minority. Well, it’s about trying to get ourselves exposed to new things, and going to where they are. And by doing that, I am slowly conquering a few fears of mine…I feared that white men would look at us like we had the plague. In fact, white men are looking at us in an “I’d like to get to know you” sort of way”.

I am grateful Tracy avoided elaborating further on how she’d acquired her “fear” of socialising with white men, and so mercifully sparing us the wicked lie that Black men have sought to control Black women’s sexual ‘freedom’ by warning them off fraternising with white men. It’s simply a case of “Black women preferring Black men”, and that’s the long ‘n’ the short of it! At no time in 100s of years of African-American history have Black men had the power to prevent white men doing exactly as they pleased with Black women and young girls. This is not a theory legitimately open to IR bloggers revisionism: it is simply an historical fact!

‘Race memory’ and culture

More specifically to Tracy, it is not so much her feelings of unattractiveness to white men (in relation to white women?) that is the issue here. What was activated in Tracy’s mind was ‘race memory’ containing learned responses to events pertaining to a significant and/or frequent occurrence. It works like this: if you ask an Italian-American his name, or to speak in Italian, you are immediately ‘transported’ to Italy. Ask him about his peoples folklores and fears, and you are taken back centuries. In short, everything about the Italian cultural-experience is recorded in the ‘collective unconscious’ and passed down to future generations in America. So, an Italian-American will act like an Italian, despite never having visited Italy!

Culture or syndrome?

Tracy, like all slavery-descended Africans, is not the product of cultural experiences. Psycho-social experiences, yes: but not cultural. My reasoning is centred around the definition of the term syndrome. This has been defined as:

“Any combination of signs and symptoms that are
indicative of a particular disease or disorder;
or a symptom, or set of symptoms, indicating
the existence of a condition or problem”

Can an enslaved people stripped of their heritage; used as sexual playthings, and breeding animals; bought and sold like animals; and who were then forced to ‘adopt’ the names, language, and religion of their enemies, truly be said to possess a culture? Do you know of a culture which is not only alien to those who ‘practice’ it but which was specifically created so as to engender an eternal sense of crisis within them? No such ‘culture’ could possibly exist if its sole objectives are to degrade, demoralize, and ultimately, to destroy those who ‘practice’ it! So, slavery was a psychological “condition”, a spiritual “disease”, a social “disorder”. It was a “problem”. It was not a culture! Oh, and ‘the Blues’ (a musical idiom born of Black misery not culture) is a colloquialism for the term ‘depression’ - which in turn is defined as a syndrome!

I ‘remember’ when you raped me

What is contained in the African-American female ‘collective unconscious’ are repressed ‘memories’ associated with centuries of sexual slavery. Tracy’s ‘race memory’, therefore, was activated by being around white men. But like many Black women, she fought against these troubling feelings by offering white men gestures of submission e.g. by excessive smiling, ‘laughing’ hysterically at their ‘jokes’, and/or permitting themselves to be sexually groped in public by white partners. Tracy, therefore, was certainly “open”…but to a past she has no literal memory of, and which continues to haunt her beyond the events in question. Indeed, a more thorough reading of her tour of the ‘Windy City’ would indicate she’d been a tad more “open” than she’s willing to let on lest it became common knowledge that she’s basically an “open” invitation to ‘Black pussy’ for contemporary white boys.

You go girl!

You can’t Rape a willingly “open” pussy

However, problems emerge when white men regularly “fuck” the likes of Tracy, and then pass up on the possibility of a committed relationship with them. Their ‘race memory’ is then triggered leaving them feeling strangely dirty and used: like a rape victim. But rather than hit out at the symbolic ‘rapist’, they lash out instead at white men’s traditional ‘whipping boy’: Black men. The very group IR bloggers claim have “left them” or “do not want” them! Clearly, not many men do. But if all this is not a sub-conscious cry for help in a sea of racial self-loathing, and sexual humiliation, then I don’t know what is!

Tracy diary entries about “opening” her “options” reads like the stuff of schoolgirl fantasy: she led the life, it would appear, of a minor socialite touring ChiTown; meeting care-free Caucasians (without a hint of colour prejudice or fetish) and generally sticking her nose in other people’s business! But before we move on from Tracy’s travels, let’s make one last visit to the club:

“Oh something I forgot to mention. At the Blues club we were sitting next to a white male/Black female couple. When the band began to play a really slow Blues song, a Brunette-white woman came out of nowhere and started dancing really seductively. Of course, all the men stopped, stared, and salivated. When her boyfriend came out to dance with her, a man looked at him and shouted “man, you know you’re gonna have good sex tonight!” The boyfriend agreed, and of course she giggled. But what I found interesting was that the white man we were sitting next to, turned around to our table and said loudly “see that’s why I don’t date white women… they’re sluts!” Turns out “boyfriend” had a wedding ring on and she didn’t, so you put two and two together”.

“Settling” for a white man

Though the validity of Tracy’s diary entries are questionable, the concerns are consistent with IR supporters e.g. her desire to arouse the attention of Black men, while ‘busy’ in the company of white men. This alludes to a little girl desperate for an absent father’s affections. As with all convoluted stories of love ‘n’ longing, there does appear a lurking issue of childhood abandonment in Tracy’s life. And as for her nasty little stab at white women, well, the words feminine envy springs to mind! Surely, in quieter moments, Tracy is aware that she has burnt her ‘bridges’ with Black men, and so will probably have to “settle” for a white man. But it really wasn’t supposed to end like this: indeed, “Black women deserve better”!

The romantic & racial sour grapes
of the “legend” that is Evia Moore

The malevolent, racist-fantasy posting of IR bloggers knows no bounds, and no more is this the case than with its pioneer, Evia Moore. Below is a ruthlessly accurate summary of her muddled, and obsessive attempts to manufacture misrepresentations around her constant assertion that Black men “put Black women last” behind white, light, bi-racial and Latino women. Below she blows:

• I will declare the existence of a Black conspiracy to keep Black women and white men apart (even though no such plot has ever existed) so as to transform myself into ‘forbidden fruit’ for white men - because you put me last.

• I will ignore the fact that white men institutionalised the rape of Black women and girls for centuries while simultaneously instructing white women to keep her “options” limited to white men - because you put me last.

• I will ignore documented evidence that Black mothers and grandmothers conspired to keep Black males away from white females lest white men take umbrage and torture, jail or lynch them – because you put me last.

• I will declare that your casual or committed relationships with white, light, bi-racial or Latino females are expressions of your self-hatred and hatred of all dark-skinned Black women - because you put me last.

• I will suggest that only Black women and white men can have legitimate intimate or casual relationships with each other - because you put me last.

• I will organise armies of angry, emotionally disturbed Black women against you, and seek a separate identity from yours - because you put me last.

• I will instruct single-Black women with children from multiple Black fathers to seek out quality white men as lovers, husbands and step-fathers – because you put me last.

• I will form sentimental and ideological alliances with white-power groups who hate Black men above all men - because you put me last.

• I will distort every aspect of your reality and feed these misrepresentations right back at ya - because you put me last.

• I will not permit you the right to insert truth into anything I say about you without dismissing you as a troll - because you put me last.

• I will claim the mantle of American’s “most oppressed” but not of white America but of Black men in America - because you put me last.

• I am a strong, beautiful and successful Black woman and you are a damaged-beyond repair, low or no value, Black man - because you put me last.

“Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive!” Like Aesop’s fable of the fox that could not reach the grapes and consoled himself that they were sour anyway, Evia must forever abuse Black men since she has a phobic dread of a romantic reunion with one lest he abandons her for a white woman!

Sara’s advice to Black women
on how to get a Black man

This is the 2nd time Sara has made an appearance in this post. The first was in her “Harry Potter” alias. This time she’s fronting “Sara’s blog, Interracial love…” bemoaning the fact that Black men’s “stock” in the dating arena is greater than that of Black women. Below is some advice she offers Black women desperate for Black male attention in her post “looking for the Real Men”:

“Please wake up! Don’t ever look for a man who is not looking for you. If you really
want to raise your status in Black men eyes, start dating white men like they are going
out of style. If you want Black men to think you are desirable, and gorgeous, date a white man. If you want a Black man to change his attitude towards you, date a white
man. Black men want everything a white man has”.

And this “everything” Black men want includes white women, right? Well, it appears Sara wants at least one thing she perceive white women as possessing: Black men! But maybe I’ve spoken too soon. Let’s continue:

“the truth is that no man wants what they think no other man
wants. Especially Black men because they are a very envious
class of men. Now I’m not advocating that you use white men”.

Sara gives the sort of advice a woman might give to a friend attempting to get back with an ex-boyfriend, and then makes the bizarre claim that it doesn’t involve using unsuspecting white men as bait? Oh, really! But again, maybe I’ve spoken too soon. Read what amounts to Sara’s disclaimer:

“I believe once Black women start dating out, be courted, wined and dined
like you deserve, you will not be able to go back to being treated like a
sexual toilet. The ratio of Black women/white men will explode…”

The ratio in comparison to what? Black men/white woman relationships? Must everything IR bloggers do revolve around what Black men are allegedly doing? Anyway, by dating white men, according to Sara, Black women will feel “protected and spoiled” and:

“not to mention for the first time ever, many of
you will have real fathers for your children!”

White men rescuing Black women and children from the clutches of “envious” Black men? What next, a remake of Birth of a Nation with the damsel in distress played by Angela Bassett? Yes, I’m well aware of Sara’s nasty little digs at Black men in the quotes above but I won’t be taking the bait! You see, “opening options” for Sara really means resigning herself to her fate. But she’ll not go quietly into the night! She’ll lie and deny; kick and scream! She’ll pretend to ‘ache’ for white men as she imagines Black men ‘ache’ for white women. She’ll fill her blog with pictures of near-naked white men, and yet pack her post with talk of Black men. She’ll ‘rob’ Black men of their masculine ‘assets’ and award them to white men as compensation for their ‘masculine deficits’. Yes, Sara will do absolutely anything to get herself a white boy…my God, she has certainly earned one!

But will this stop the hating ‘n’ baiting of Black men? Never! You see, the extraordinary piece of advice she offers Black women – in which white men are used as fishing bait, is worthless for one simple reason: it didn’t work for her!

The Politics of Sour Grapes:

In their own convoluted way, IR bloggers are actually Black separatists e.g. they believe (and they indicate as much!) that Black men should only date, associate with, or marry Black women. Why? Because they simply “prefer Black men”. Moreover, Black men dating or marrying out, no matter how small the number, is felt by these women as a betrayal for several reasons outlined below:

(1) it goes against hundreds of years of African-American matriarchal tradition i.e. the explicitly stated command to Black males from an early age, not to fraternise with white females of any age;

(2) it introduces unwelcome competition from white, light, bi-racial or Latino women who some Black women perceive as inherently more attractive than themselves, and who therefore pose a threat;

(3) it confirms these Black women’s worst fear that they are, indeed, less attractive than non-Black or part-Black women, and leaves them feeling a sense of racial, romantic and sexual rejection.

Why white men?

Taking into account the story thus far, it begins to make increasing sense why IR bloggers almost-exclusively promote relationships with white men over Latino or Asian men. Some of the reasons are as follows:

(1) only relationships with white men can provide a supporting, and wide-ranging, racist ideology with which to attack the Black men who “reject” them;

(2) only a white racist ideology can explain the present condition of Black America as ‘evidence’ of Black male genetic inferiority in comparison to white men;

(3) only relationships with white men have the potential to alert intuitive Black men to the existential desperation of ‘ugly‘Black women and ‘rescue’ them.

Ultimately, IR bloggers are sub-consciously attempting to re-enact an unresolved traumatic period in African-American women’s history. They cannot achieve this without alluding to the power relations existing at that time. This clandestine task cannot be achieved via intimate relationships with Asian or Latino males. Therefore, only by ‘sleeping with the enemy’, and effectively forming racist unions, can they bring this matter to light, and to a potential resolution.

Unfortunately, they are unwilling to find common ground with BU bloggers such as Rocky, Una Persona or to any Black man attached to Black women because those Black women have something they haven’t! Therefore, they will never concede ‘defeat’ because to do so would hand ‘victory’ to Black men. So, like many ‘angry’ Black women, they will have the ‘last word’ - no matter what the cost!

Conclusion

For IR bloggers then, the politics of sour grapes goes something like this: Black men must always be wrong because they are ‘Mr Right’; white men must never be wrong because they can never be (quite) ‘Mr Right’. You see, for a number of reasons, there’s as much a perceived masculine ‘deficit’ in most white men as there is a perceived feminine ‘deficit in a significant number of Black women. Perhaps for this reason alone, they probably deserve one another!