Tuesday, May 5, 2009

"I've Lost So Much Respect For Him"

Rick and Eleanor Hemmert

Last night’s ABC World News Tonight featured an interesting story entitled “Male Nurses, Stay-at-Home Dads: New Norm?”. The story involved comments from various couples discussing situations whereas husbands were laid off during these troubling economic times. One wife encouraged her husband to look into nursing being that he had previous health experience under his belt. Others accepted the reversal of gender roles with their husbands now becoming ‘stay-at-home dads’. But one reaction had a certain harshness to it.

In response to her husband being laid off and her becoming the main breadwinner, Eleanor Hemmert (pictured above) said “I don’t want to see him in an apron.” “I wish I could say something different, but I’ve lost so much respect for him”.

As far as I’m concerned, she never had respect for him based on the fact that she would go on national television and make such a statement. It really goes to show something that has been stated in the past; that being that quite commonly (not always) in interracial relationships between black women and white men, the men are passive while the women are aggressive. Of course, this is not always the case, but I see a trend and the desire for a passive man as well as the almost masochistic desire for an aggressive woman who lacks tact is what often draws such couples together. We’ve seen such an example on the various Wife Swap episodes. Black men seem far less likely to yield to such female aggression.

This also gives some clarity into the basis behind the whole “gold digger” stereotype that has been assigned to black women in general. Various other articles about these two have indicated severe strain on the marriage. Yes, he continues to search for a job, yet his lack of a job due to the massive layoffs during this recession is the source of a significant degree of added lack of respect she now has for her husband. It’s unfortunate because quite often, men who are out of work due to being trifling are treated quite well by the black woman they are with, yet hard working responsible men who are down on their luck due to unforeseen circumstances are quite often treated like dogs.

This is no slight toward IR relationships. My point is that many black women who are in such relationships with white men should stop making it out to be because there are no good black men, but rather because there are more white men out there that they can get away with disrespecting.