The simple love of a husband coming home, seeing you tired, and offering to go get Chinese food. Or looking over, and seeing your blond husband happily doing your baby's hair-and watching her smile up at her daddy. Or the car breaking down, and being able to pick up the damn phone and say: "Honey, come get us, the car broke down!' So many sistas have no idea how good life can be when you have a good man to share it with. Not a parasite, who's sponging off of you, and sucking the life out of you, and depending on you to do everything for him. But a real man to lighten the load. Someone who can give you the freedom to be a WOMAN- because he has taken the responsibility of being a MAN!!This is a quote from Sarah in her latest blog. I find it quite interesting because of how telling her statement is. Observe that what constitutes a man's love is servitude. Nowhere does she discuss the pleasure of a man holding her hand, looking into her eyes, placing a rose in her hair, sharing intimate thoughts with her, expressing his feeling to her, etc. etc. It's all about "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE FOR ME LATELY!"
Understand that back in the 1950s when marriage was commonplace with black men as well as all men, there was far less priority with men lightening a woman's load. What was prioritized was men taking on "manly responsibilities" while leaving "womanly responsibilities" to the women. Men back then did not hardly comb their daughter's hair, cook dinner, clean house, etc. Of course, practically all men today and in the past would go pick up their women if their cars break down. Sarah either takes some imaginary story or the example of the lowest of the lowest ghetto thug (the kind that so many black women adore), and applies it to all or most black men.
Those men who married quite often in the 50s were far less likely to kiss their women's butts than men today, yet married quite more often. They proudly took on the responsibility of heavy lifting, bringing home the bacon, caring for the lawn and physical structure of the house, yet adamantly left the job of childcare, dusting, cooking, cleaning, washing, etc. to the women. So why do today's black women define love by a man's servitude? The answer comes down to one word. LAZINESS.
There is basically an epidemic of laziness among today's African American women. This laziness often manifests as the epidemic of obesity that permeates among black women. Sure, they will argue the point of how black women are "shouldering the load of the black community" but what this really translates to is that a whole lot of black women actively and absent mindedly participate in creating situations where they are single parents. Beyond having to adjust raising children alone (something that all women of all races would equally adjust to), many black women are physically lazy. Of course their are plenty of black women who are filled with energy, but an overrepresenting number of black women live sedentary lifestyles.
Such women place great priority on viewing men as mules and workhorses, yet generally don't respect men who given in and allow themselves to be such mules and workhorses. This is where the clash comes in. Black men tend to have big egos and the average black man would prefer to resist a woman's demands than to give in and lose her respect. Black women are drawn to such men, yet a few are drawn to the men who would give in for they seem to find more comfort in a man who gives in and loses their respect than a man who stands his ground. These are the women who seek white men. This is Sarah and her crew. That is the black woman on Wife Swap whose white husband served her hand and foot.
Marriage is at such a low point today because a man's happiness in marriage is far lower priority now than ever before and this is exaggerated in the black community. Sistas today have become so self centered that black men see little positivity in marriage. It's as if marriage is a male obligation and that there is no need to win a black man's heart. With women, it is often a case of marriage filling a void and whether the marriage will be a quality one or not takes a back seat to this void being filled. Men on the other hand don't have a void that needs to be filled by marriage. They must be motivated to marry mostly by the prospect of marriage bringing greater happiness to their lives. It is false to say that these men are not marriage oriented. They simply are not oriented to marriage to women who want to marry, yet really don't value marriage. No man wants to marry women who play the game of tesing their men daily and not respecting their men when they relent to the daily demands involved with such daily testing.
Our grandfathers married women who were socialized to please their husbands and studies have shown that our grandmothers were happier than the women of today. Black women have drank the feminist cool-aid by the gallons and in the process, have contributed to the destruction of the black family. What a black man are looking for today is someone who can give you the freedom to be a MAN- because she has taken the responsibility of being a WOMAN!!
What her statement also makes me think of is how my father used to comb my sisters hair. It's shameful that his efforts throughout our childhood is not valued by her because my father's hair is black and nappy. These women are sick.
61 comments:
Excellent post.
You hit it right on the nail. My father was the breadwinner. He actually knows how to cook but my mother cooked a majority of the time. She also did the laundry.
The sellout black women crew are failures because they have gone away from domestic skills. When the white man tells them to cook and do laundry they JUMP and do it.
Simply because they have something "to lose". You can only burn bridges with so many men before you prostitute yourself for attention.
Many white men are hip to their desperate game.
I love my daddy to death and you all know that but there is no way in hell he's touching my hair! I saw what he did to one of my aunt's heads back in the day! lol XD My father who is now retired does most of the cooking and some of the cleaning because my mother is still working and after working in the public school system as a teacher you know she be tired. The thing is my mother doesn't expect my father to do these things he just does it. Also seeing your blond husband? O_O Okay...
Just to expand on what you say Raina, I think that it is clear that your mother didn't base her love for your father on how much housework and chores he would do for her. She probably based it on his overall character and it is because of his character that he takes on the responsibility of such chores due to circumstances as opposed to taking them on because it is demanded of him.
Sarah and crew want men who will bring home the bacon, and when they come home, begin cooking, cleaning and washing. I mean, they reference a man coming home and seeing that his wife is tired, so he goes and gets Chinese food. Can you imagine the men of decades past coming home to a stay at home wife who insists that he gets food because she is tired? Him getting food should be a treat that he gives from the heart, not some means to appease her desire to lounge.
Rocky said:
Sarah and crew want men who will bring home the bacon, and when they come home, begin cooking, cleaning and washing.
Menelik replied:
Bro. what you've described above is a SHE-MALE! And this is the clearest indication that those women who advocate for such men are unfeminine i.e. "strong".
What they clearly do not advocate for is sexual equality since any practical expression of the term would only confirm how utterly unfeminine they are.
Such women are angry at Black men(not only because they have a greater starring role of sex symbols in society, and not even because these women maybe aesthetically unpleasant) because their very grooming as girl children will not allow them to "submit" to the very male characteristics that they themselves possess.
Enter, stage door left, the racially privileged but utterly femininised "nice" white man.
May God protect him from the follies of his penis lol
Menelik Charles
London England
Ps Rocky, I'm working on that matter we 'spoke' about.
Long time reader, second or third time poster. Great blog. Because I take care of my husband I have been accused of being a slaved and a victim of domestic violence.
I've been on other blogs and have expressed to many of my detractors that whatever you put in you will get ten fold. As the old Arab saying goes, if you become a servant to a man your man will become a servant to you.
Is there any way I can have to original link to comments made by "Sarah."
Why the heck did she have to mention her blonde husband? Either this chick isnt for real or she is suffering.
Welcome to the blog Kigali. Here is the link you request.
http://interracialloveandspicebysara.blogspot.com/2009/08/impact-of-more-and-more-wm-showing-open.html
Rocky,
I went to the website. I cant say I am surprised. Darn. That IR fun fest happened about 5 minutes from where I live. I would have gone to do some research had I known about it.
I cant have respect for any group of women who dont focus on finding good men but finding white men. The anger they have for black men is palpable. The syncretism of the idolization of dark skin, on women and white supremacy is confusing.
Marriage is at such a low point today because a man's happiness in marriage is far lower priority now than ever before and this is exaggerated in the black community.
DING DING DING!!
I don't care what anyone says, men are not getting married in this day and age because MANY realize that it is a literal death sentence. Who wants to basically surrender their lives to women that don't appreciate them at all unless it is under the guise of what you can do/get for me?
Add to that the fact that many women think sex is a bargaining chip and feel well within their rights to "withhold" it until the man gives them everything they want. Or the women who don't understand or care about a man's sexual needs in a relationship? Or the women who neuter themselves.
A man's value to a woman has completely changed. It is now about how having a man can make your life easier, not about how having a man means YOU have to step up as well. Nope, it's all about "providing and protecting" or "Lightening her load".
SMH.
My husband grew up in a traditional, conservative home. His expectations for me as a wife would probably shock most American men. He talks to some of his friends who are married or in serious relationships and can only shake his head. Some of these women literally do nothing but work a full time job and think this entitles them to a life of leisure whenever they are not at work. They have no interest in parenting, no domestic skills, spend money like water, refuse to have regular sex, belittle their partners, openly praise other men with more money/status, do not keep themselves up, etc.
SMH.
Rashia,
OMG! I have used my marriage as an example as well. My husband comes from probably an even more conservative culture than yours.
Who knew that making your man a sandwich meant that if you didnt you were going to be abused? Who know you could be happy doing this? Its really down to females wanting all the rights and none of the responsibilities.
I was listening to Dr. Laura one afternoon and she got a call from this wioman complaining that her husband doesnt help enough around the home. Apparently she had a couple of small children. Dr. Laura responded by asking if he helps you around the house, will you help him around the office?
Bro:
Keep this Blog going? You're a solitary voice in the wilderness, but BELIEVE that the word is getting out.
@Rasheeda
It brings a tear to my eyes to see the words you typed. Okay...not really, but it's spot on!
As I'm approaching my 33rd year of living, I'm often reminded that I need to get serious before I get "set in my ways." It's almost too late for that.
My reasonings for staying single and being selective isn't necessarily harming me. My father, who was divorced from my mother when I was 4, did most of the cooking around the house with my sister and I contributing to the total household. My mother moved a state away but we saw her on the weekends and summers. I've seldom seen "happyily married" couples...but even more disturbing: I think I've developed a fear of marrying the wrong woman to the point where I don't want to. Even the nicest women can turn into total harpies once the ring is on the finger. I also stand by my belief that most women want these relationships but with the most uneven of exchanges. My dating experiences have taught me that, which is why I don't bend anymore.
A sandwich? All I usually ask for is a sandwich or the offer to bring me something from the refrigerator from time to time. You wouldn't believe how much of an arduous task this is for many modern SBW. When they are entertained by me, I might cook, comfort and entertain, but they never have to feel deprived of anything in my presence. It isn't a fair exchange of consideration, which is making bachelorhood that much more acceptable and enjoyable.
You need to take that picture of Sanaa Lathan with that black guy down. She's now shacking up with a WHITE music executive named Steve Rifkind. I guess she's had it with niggas. Good for her!
Has Sarah and crew taken down the pics of Golden Brooks and Tyra Banks? Maybe those ladies got tired of white boys?
Could it be that Michael Jordan, Wesley Snipes, Seal, etc. all "had it with 'niggas'"?
Should I say "good for them!"?
Folks, what we see here is a common occurrence. This is a good opportunity to point out such an example. Black women commonly refer to black men as “niggas”. This is done to a far greater extent than the references to black women as “bitches” and “hoes”. Add to this the fact that the two latter terms are not racially specific and can be (and commonly are) used to refer to non-black women. On the other hand, “nigga” is a term that SPECIFICALLY targets black men. It is a term directly derived from the racist term “nigger”, which is the most offensive racial epithet in history. Black women routinely use this term to reference black men.
And while they will inevitably reference the fact that black men refer to each other by that term, they must also realize that black women routinely refer to each other as “bitches” and “hoes”, even in jest.
This simply goes to show the hypocrisy of these women.
When feminists castrate men, figuratively speaking, what do women expect?
"Has Sarah and crew taken down the pics of Golden Brooks and Tyra Banks? Maybe those ladies got tired of white boys?"
What does what THEY do have to do with YOU? Do YOU want to have current pictures of so-called happy black couples up or not?
"Could it be that Michael Jordan, Wesley Snipes, Seal, etc. all "had it with 'niggas'"? Should I say "good for them!"?"
You can say "good for them" if you want to. It makes no difference to me. I don't care what random black men do OR what happens to them. They can ALL go after white/latino/Asian women as far as I'm concerned. The sooner black women and men get away from each other the better!
"And while they will inevitably reference the fact that black men refer to each other by that term, they must also realize that black women routinely refer to each other as “bitches” and “hoes”, even in jest."
I have NEVER heard a black woman call another black woman a "bitch" or "hoe" in JEST. I've only heard this type of name-calling between black women when there's some sort of feud going on between the women. On the other hand, black males ROUTINELY refer to each other as niggas (regardless of context). So niggas are what they are.
What does what THEY do have to do with YOU? Do YOU want to have current pictures of so-called happy black couples up or not?
What does what I do have to do with YOU and what do MY pics have to do with this topic?
You can say "good for them" if you want to. It makes no difference to me. I don't care what random black men do OR what happens to them. They can ALL go after white/latino/Asian women as far as I'm concerned.
Clearly you DO care based on how much you reference black men on other sites and your very presence here. Brotha Menelik Charles explained this in detail when he guest blogged here.
The sooner black women and men get away from each other the better!
That’s like saying the sooner black children get away from black mothers, the better. Your entire premise is coonish.
I have NEVER heard a black woman call another black woman a "bitch" or "hoe" in JEST. I've only heard this type of name-calling between black women when there's some sort of feud going on between the women.
If you are telling the truth about what you have never heard, which I doubt, it clearly shows how little time you actually spend around black women, which explains your disillusioned notion that black women are so perfect and don’t suffer from similar pathologies as black men suffer from. It’s folks like you who ignorantly claim things that are statistically false.
On the other hand, black males ROUTINELY refer to each other as niggas (regardless of context). So niggas are what they are.
I have heard black women all throughout my life casually call each other these words. Some of the more popular references today involves a black woman referring to herself or another black woman as a “bad bitch”, “hood bitch”, or “5 star bitch”. I have actually seen women driving cars with such phrases written on the vehicles and I have seen women with “bad bitch” tattooed on their arms. So based on your ridiculous logic, those words are exactly what YOU are.
Here is another bloggers observation of this phenomenon.
http://seaniscoolbutcrazy.blogspot.com/2009/08/i-can-call-woman-bitchas-long-as-i-say.html
Also, it is not uncommon for black women to refer to black male children as "niggas" including their own children. I don't know how many times I've heard a black woman call a black boy a "little nigga".
I said: "The sooner black women and men get away from each other the better!"
I said this because black women and black men, generally speaking, don't get along. What's the point in continuing to antagonize each other? Let's just go our separate ways?
I believe that there is real HATRED between black women and black men. This hatred is so DEEP and so VAST that the ONLY solution to this UNSOLVABLE problem is to go our separate ways which is what SOME OF US ARE ALREADY DOING, especially those blacks who are highly educated and have high incomes. Most high income black males have ALREADY deserted the so-called "black community" (which doesn't exist any more). Good for those black men! They woke up and smelled the coffee. It's now time for highly educated black women to DO THE SAME THING.
I honestly don't care about high profile black males with white women. I, however, rejoice when I see high profile black women with white men/husbands. It shows me that there is a "way out" of this madness with black men.
Most people and even more black people arent highly educated. That means black folks are stuck with each other and if they can manage to have a kid together they can at least try to get along.
I said this because black women and black men, generally speaking, don't get along. What's the point in continuing to antagonize each other?
What's the point of continuing to state something that you simply made up?
Black men and women get along just fine. Go to any black social function, night club, etc. and you will see black men and black women interacting in friendly and affectionate ways. Black men and women are routinely intimate. This "gender war" is such an exaggeration that it is almost a fabrication.
Let's just go our separate ways?
I could just as legitimately say that black women generally don't get along with each other (something that repeatedly is shown to be commonplace) thus black women should stop interacting with each other and go their separate ways. See how silly you sound?
I believe that there is real HATRED between black women and black men. This hatred is so DEEP and so VAST that the ONLY solution to this UNSOLVABLE problem is to go our separate ways which is what SOME OF US ARE ALREADY DOING, especially those blacks who are highly educated and have high incomes.
Uhm, YOU hate black men. That is the only hate that you can legitimately claim. The vast majority of black women will tell you that they love black men and the vast majority of black men will say the same of black women.
Most high income black males have ALREADY deserted the so-called "black community" (which doesn't exist any more). Good for those black men! They woke up and smelled the coffee. It's now time for highly educated black women to DO THE SAME THING.
Most black men who "desert" the black community tend to take their black wives with them. So what are you talking about? 92% of married black men are married to black women.
I honestly don't care about high profile black males with white women. I, however, rejoice when I see high profile black women with white men/husbands. It shows me that there is a "way out" of this madness with black men.
The problem is 50% of this so called madness is contributed to by black women. So when a black woman marries a white man, she still contributes the pathology that she would contribute to a relationship with a black man. That is why black women are sought less by non-black men than non-black women.
You said:
"Black men and women get along just fine."
My response:
I guess this is why 70% of black women are single. I guess this is why 65% of black men are single. I guess this is why MORE than 70% of black babies are born out of wedlock.
You said:
"Go to any black social function, night club, etc. and you will see black men and black women interacting in friendly and affectionate ways."
My response:
In the city where I live, there is a police presence at EVERY black bar. Even with a police presence it seems that shootings occur in these establishments on a regular basis. I have a newspaper article in front of me about a black bar where two men were killed on separate occasions and NO ONE who was there will cooperate with the police. The "no snitching" rule, I suppose. And this happens all the time.
You said:
"I could just as legitimately say that black women generally don't get along with each other (something that repeatedly is shown to be commonplace) thus black women should stop interacting with each other and go their separate ways. See how silly you sound?"
My response:
At least black women don't MURDER each other the way you black men do.
You said:
"Most black men who "desert" the black community tend to take their black wives with them. So what are you talking about? 92% of married black men are married to black women."
My response:
A disproportionate number of the black men who DO marry "out" (that 8%) are from the highly educated and/or high income group.
You said:
"The problem is 50% of this so called madness is contributed to by black women. So when a black woman marries a white man, she still contributes the pathology that she would contribute to a relationship with a black man. That is why black women are sought less by non-black men than non-black women."
My response:
In a patriarchal society, which this one is, MEN are the leaders and women are the followers. Why can't black men point the way towards a better way of doing things? Most women would follow, sooner or later. Most black men nowadays do not want to commit, get married OR raise their own children. Most of them just want to get their penises wet whenever they want to. Men are the MAJORITY of the problem. Like about 75%.
I guess this is why 70% of black women are single. I guess this is why 65% of black men are single. I guess this is why MORE than 70% of black babies are born out of wedlock.
So this means that every woman that I don’t marry, I don’t get along with? The only way to get along with a woman is to marry her? That’s interesting. In that case, since it has been determined by research that white men are less desiring of black wives than black men are, then white men get along less with black women than black men do. So why would you run from men you allege not to get along with and run to men who get along with you even LESS?
And since these practically all involve black men being violent against other black men, what exactly does this have to do with how black men and women get along? You are going into straw man territory now.
In the city where I live, there is a police presence at EVERY black bar. Even with a police presence it seems that shootings occur in these establishments on a regular basis. I have a newspaper article in front of me about a black bar where two men were killed on separate occasions and NO ONE who was there will cooperate with the police. The "no snitching" rule, I suppose. And this happens all the time.
Read reply above.
At least black women don't MURDER each other the way you black men do.
Most white women don’t MURDER each other the way that white men do. Men of all races are more violent than women. Again, what does this have to do with how black men and black women get along?
Now back to the point. Do you deny that it is disproportionately common for black women to have conflict with each other; to have mess and drama with each other? If the answer to not getting along with folks means running away from those folks, then black women would have to run away from each other.
A disproportionate number of the black men who DO marry "out" (that 8%) are from the highly educated and/or high income group.
And most blacks who move into white neighborhoods are middle class, not wealthy. Go to any predominantly white neighborhood, look at the married blacks in those neighborhoods, and you will notice that most of them are not in interracial relationships. Thus, as I said, most black men who ‘escape’ the black community escape with their BLACK wives.
In a patriarchal society, which this one is, MEN are the leaders and women are the followers. Why can't black men point the way towards a better way of doing things? Most women would follow, sooner or later.
Ha! If most women would follow “sooner or later”, the black community would actually be a more patriarchal society. But let’s be real. Black women in general will not let a man take the lead. Black women in general are not going to let their men run the show. Giving a black woman advice often equates telling her what to do (in her mind). Any man trying to assert himself with a black woman is often destined to get Serena Williams level threats. Black men are tired of the drama, the fighting, the loudness, etc. The only black men who many black women will take a subordinate role to are thugs and over aggressive men who potentially will beat them.
Most black men nowadays do not want to commit, get married OR raise their own children. Most of them just want to get their penises wet whenever they want to. Men are the MAJORITY of the problem. Like about 75%.
Most black men aspire to be husbands. Most black men don’t aspire to marry emasculating, loud, stubborn, overweight, inactive, truculent, irrational, controlling and cynical women. Also, black men who are not in relationships with their children’s mothers are no less likely to be in those children’s lives than white men under similar circumstances and similar income.
Many black women see sex and childbirth as a tool to catch men as opposed to winning men’s hearts because winning men’s hearts mean giving something of yourself as opposed to constantly demanding that someone gives to you. Men are no more than 50% of the problem.
1. "Most black men aspire to be husbands."
This statement is not true. The evidence that this claim is a lie is all around us.
2. "Most black men don’t aspire to marry emasculating, loud, stubborn, overweight, inactive, truculent, irrational, controlling and cynical women."
This statement is a direct contradiction to your previous claim that "black men and women get along just fine." With statement #2, you are basically calling black women fat BITCHES thereby revealing your HATRED for black women. Most black men think just like you do which is why black women and black men should go their separate ways.
3. "Many black women see sex and childbirth as a tool to catch men as opposed to winning men’s hearts because winning men’s hearts mean giving something of yourself as opposed to constantly demanding that someone gives to you. Men are no more than 50% of the problem."
Black men do not have hearts. There is a cold empty space where a black man's heart is supposed to be at least where black women are concerned. Black males are AT LEAST 75% of the problem.
This statement is not true. The evidence that this claim is a lie is all around us.
The fact that 68% of black men will marry by the age of 35 is evidence that my claim is the truth:
http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=101627
This statement is a direct contradiction to your previous claim that "black men and women get along just fine."
No, this statement jibes with my earlier statement that not marrying someone does not equate to not getting along with someone.
With statement #2, you are basically calling black women fat BITCHES thereby revealing your HATRED for black women.
I did not "basically" call anyone "BITCHES" nor show any "HATRED" for anyone.
Most black men think just like you do which is why black women and black men should go their separate ways.
My thinking landed me a black wife.
Black men do not have hearts. There is a cold empty space where a black man's heart is supposed to be at least where black women are concerned. Black males are AT LEAST 75% of the problem.
Meaningless rambling. You sound scorned. Black men are at MOST 50% of the problem.
@rocky, shuda called yoself Ali cos your the greatest!
SOLUTION
Black women who worship and adore other black women should marry each other!
For all the rational people - if you see a women-centered blog, RUN!
Save yourself from these man-hating she-men who want to castrate men! They will no longer need men once the sperm banks are firmly established as the "husband" for all women! Women only care about their wombs and the future progeny. Men will be eliminated by these women!!!!
This new trend of black women worshiping and adoring other black women is destructive.
These women have reached the point of NO RETURN. They hate black men, and they will eventually hate all men.
Black women will marry other black women. They sooooo love each other that the black women gayness will consume the planet.
Planet Earth will become the domain of gay black women who worship each other as goddesses. Males will become extinct.
This is what the sexist black women want. This is what Sara and her ilk want.
"For all the rational people - if you see a women-centered blog, RUN!"
What if you see a "man-centered" blog? Like this one.
Anon said:
I wonder about Mr. Queens. REAL men are not interested in women's conversations yet Mr. Queens apparently hangs out at black women's blogs like Evia's. REAL men have better things to do than hang out at Evia's.
Menelik said:
So “real men” DON’T listen to women, is this what you’re saying? Well, thank you for telling me what characterises a “real man”! I guess you being over at this blog listening in on men’s conversations, and arguing with all and sundry makes you a”real” woman, right?
Anon said:
Almost ALL black men cheat on their wives e.g. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr… cheated on… Coretta Scott King right, including with white women…the "greatest" black man being a SERIAL cheater doesn't say a whole lot for average, everyday black men.
Rocky replied:
Other cheaters include: Franklin D. Roosevelt, John F. Kennedy, Bill Clinton, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin, John Edwards, Robert Kennedy, French President Francois Mitterrand, Britain’s Prince Charles, Gary Hart, and Jim Bakker.
Anon said
So what's your point? White men do it too, so that makes it OK? I mentioned Dr. King because he was the so-called "moral" leader of the civil rights movement.
Menelik said:
Your point was that even the “greatest” Black man of modern times was a “serial cheater”. Rocky responded with overwhelming fire-power by listing “great” white presidents and congressmen of both distant and recent times who were also “serial cheaters”. And for good measure, he threw in a white Prince and a preacher.
What does this say for “average, everyday”, white men? I trust you’ll honour this question with and answer.
As for you “playing” Rocky’s “game” by listing famous white female cheaters, well what a joke! Rocky was simply “playing YOUR game”, you silly sausage! You started it off with the MLK is an adulterer diatribe, remember?
Menelik Charles
London England
Hmmmm. I'm a frequent reader of blogs like Sara's and Evia's and I fully support BW dating interracially, and have done so myself. I agree with a lot of their criticisms about BM because that's what I've SEEN in our community.
However, I must admit, at times I get extremely irritated reading their blogs. For instance, Sara seems to be bald-faced lying sometimes. Some of the horror stories she's told in regards to BM just sound damn ridiculous. As someone who's lived in the Black community all my life and has predominately dated BM, I seriously wonder how this woman (who seems to like to be around white folks) has encountered all these uber-horrific BM. And I have to agree, sometimes it sounds like they absolutely HATE BM. I think they've yet to find the happy medium. Its ok to date non-BM, but when you go around bashing BM, you sound like the very BM you disdain.
But then I come to blogs like this where half-truths are being spread about BW. BW are lazy? Are you SERIOUS?!? BM are NOT leaving their children? For real?!? This, to me, is just as ridiculous as all of Sara's BM-centered horror stories. Many BM in our community simply don't know how to be men and that comes from their fathers leaving them to be raised by women. Why is it that BW are blamed for being single-parents, but the BM who leave them in that situation aren't? It seems that nobody has the guts to tell the TRUTH. People just want to point fingers.
I have to agree with the other anonymous poster who said that its evident that BM & BW don't get along...there's NOTHING like a BM, IMO, and I hope to one day settle down with one. But the chances are getting slimmer and slimmer and I certainly won't deny myself marital bliss because a Black Prince didn't find me (I don't believe in finding/looking for men).
Anon said:
I agree with a lot of Sara's and Evia's criticisms about Black men because that's what I've SEEN in our community.
Menelik said:
So from the word 'go' you are basing your agreement with Evia and co based on PERSONAL observation.
Fair enough.
Anon said:
I come to blogs like this where half-truths are being spread about Black women e.g. Black women are lazy? Are you SERIOUS?!?
Menelik said:
I think the general point is that many Black women have no idea how to cater to men's needs since there appears to be some sub-conscious gender confusion sabotaging Black women's desire to settle down.
Black women are "strong", right? How do you imagine this term works in practice in the context of a male-female relationship?
Anon said:
BM are NOT leaving their children? For real?!? This, to me, is just as ridiculous as all of Sara's BM-centered horror stories.
Menelik said:
Darling, let's not get matters confused here! "leaving" a woman is not the same as "leaving" one's children. Moreover, some women do not permit fathers to see their children out of sheer spite.
Did you not know this?
Anon said:
Many Black men...simply don't know how to be men and that comes from their fathers leaving them to be raised by women.
Menelik said:
Many Black women simply do't know how to be women and that comes from rarely having observed women catering to men's needs.
As a consequence, many Black women grow up "strong" i.e. masculine.
Just following your logic, sweetie. Hope you don't mind lol
Anon said:
Why is it that BW are blamed for being single-parents, but the BM who leave them in that situation aren't?
Menelik said:
Please name a single group in US society which does not blame Black men for allegedly abandoning their children.
Name a president or a superstar actor who doesn't heap blame on Black men for single-parenthood in the Black community.
I shall wait as long as it takes for an answer.
Menelik Charles
London England
Menelik, please. *shaking head* First of all, we're ALL basing our opinions on what we've seen because I've yet to see any statistics on this site or any other site that look credible. Everything you've said is based on your opinion.
I fail to see how a woman's strength could be a problem in a male-female relationship...unless the man is a punk, LOL. Whenver my mother would hear the bullshit accusation of "Black women don't know how to let a man be a man," she'd always say, "last time I checked, a man didn't need anyone to 'let' him be a man. He just IS a man." If a BW's strength scares you, then that's not really our faults, now is it?
I know that leaving a woman and leaving your child is not the same thing. And I still maintain that BLACK MEN ARE LEAVING THEIR CHILDREN. I see it EVER-RE-WHERE! Its hilarious how you guys are really going to sit around and deny what is so OBVIOUS to the rest of the world. Of course there are women who don't let their children's father see themn(my own cousin is going through a similar situation, but its not as if he has much to offer them either, so...), but that does not happen as often as a BM simply not wanting to see or support his children. Period. Argue this point all you want...we ALL know the truth.
Your definition of womanhood seems to be someone who serves and caters to a man. That's a definition of servanthood. Therein lies your problem. You gotta pay the cost to be the boss, and a lot of BM aren't paying SHIT. Its pretty hilarious that you actually had the unmitigated gall to say that women don't know how to be women because we haven't seen a woman catering to a man's needs. LMAO! You are an archaic WRECK. My logic was nothing like that. I said what I said to say that young black boys aren't aware of how to become men (definition: an adult male who takes care of his responsiblities) because they don't have father figures.
I was OBVIOUSLY referring to the author's posts when I made my comment about BW being blamed for being single-parents, not the world-at-large's opinion. Unfortunately, they've come to terms with the truth better than you guys. I just can't wait for BW to do so also. Face the facts...a lot of BM just AREN'T going to be good mates. They simply have no desire to.
The very fact that you insist on calling me, a woman you DON'T know "sweetie," and "darling," shows what kind of "man" you are. The kind who can only be a man if a woman is placed beneath him(very sad indeed). I'm a WOMAN. Not your sweetie or darling. Ewww, how disgusting.
Man, where did the Black MEN like my grandfather go? He and my grandmother catered to each other. *sigh* I'm happy I'm content with being single because Lord knows, if Y'ALL are any indication...wow. But then again, there are a millions of other men in the world, thank GOD.
Anyhoo...y'all have fun pretending like BM have not fallen COMPLETELY off. Maybe that'll help, but I've always heard the first step to recovery is ADMISSION. Bye-bye...sweetie.
Sorry anon. This site site is ripe with stats and studies. You don't want them to be credible, but that doesn't mean that they are not.
Second, the word "strength" when referencing today's black women really means being truculent and having a bad attitude. In reality, that is FAR from "strength". And when folks say "let a man be a man", that means not being antagonistic toward a man being a man. In other words, not bitching and wining because a man does things that are normal and natural for men do do.
And yes, a selfish, bitchy and truculent woman is a problem in a relationship.
And I have posted a study indicating for one, that men who are not with their children's mothers are far more likely to NOT be in their children's lives than men who are with the mothers of their children. Likewise, the lower a man's income, the greater the chance of him not being a part of his children's lives. So the greater tendency of black men being absent from their children's lives is related to the greater tendency to not be with their children's mothers and the greater tendency to have lower incomes. When white men and black men of similar incomes who are not with the mothers of their children are compared, the black men are actually more likely to be active in their children's lives.
Also, this very blog referencing Sarah's blog entry shows how women such as yourself define manhood based on how much a man takes the load off of you. All we ask for is a woman who will cook a meal on regular occasion and not spend all of her spare hours in an inclined position talking on the telephone. We also want women who are sweet.
Where are all the black women like your grandmother? Heck, my mother shakes her head at these black women today. I will bet you anything that if your grandfather at a youthful age was suddenly thrust into today's time, he would be thoroughly disgusted with these modern black women.
And please read carefully. I put the blame at 50/50. Unfortunately, black women such as yourself often have trouble taking responsibility for anything.
The 21st century black female mantra of "strong black woman" is merely a derivative of white feminist "strong woman" lunacy.
If you want to be a strong black woman, then continue your path towards the gay life - black women married to black women.
This "strong black woman" movement is only peculiar to the United States. Your behavior is actually hurting feminine black women in other parts of the world.
Get a clue, ladies with bad attitudes! Seriously, most men do not find your "strong black woman" attitude worthy of marriage! If y'all want equality, then play pro football and play with the real men in the field!
"All we ask for is a woman who will cook a meal on regular occasion and not spend all of her spare hours in an inclined position talking on the telephone. We also want women who are sweet."
It ALL depends on how a man "provides and protects". Grandma probably was sweeter than today's black woman but grandma was provided for and protected unlike today's black woman.
My parents were married to each other and there were no illegitimate children on either side. My mother (I'm giving my approximate age here)
cooked several times every day BUT SHE DID NOT WORK OUTSIDE THE HOME.
My father's job supported the family. Most black people today do not live anything like how my parents lived (including me), therefore, the modern paradigm between the sexes is totally different. I don't see the paradigm turning back to what it was in the past. Most women today HAVE to work outside the home whether they are married or not. If I have to work a stressful job JUST LIKE YOU DO, why am I required to be "sweet".
I repeat, grandma (in my case, my mother) was provided for and protected. My mother did not work outside the home. Yes, my mother was "sweet". But she didn't have a job outside the home.
I am not anon September 21, 2009 3:02 PM although I agree with her comment(s).
My father's job supported the family. Most black people today do not live anything like how my parents lived (including me), therefore, the modern paradigm between the sexes is totally different. I don't see the paradigm turning back to what it was in the past. Most women today HAVE to work outside the home whether they are married or not. If I have to work a stressful job JUST LIKE YOU DO, why am I required to be "sweet".
Most women HAVE to work outside the home...but that's what you all were fighting for. American women were tired of being stay at home moms and "abandoning their dreams" for their family, which the feminists decried as oppressive. So...women entered the workforce, demanded equal pay and positions and really have no right to complain. Many of you all brought this on yourselves.
Speaking of familial economics: You are right when you say that the man could support the family. Well, thanks to the end of the industrial age and the birth of the service/information age, those jobs don't exist abundantly anymore. Also, the dual income household, made prevalent by women entering the work force enforce did nothing but increase the price on living as well as shave off precious family development time within the homes. Honestly though: YOU ALL ASKED FOR IT. Live with it. Your grandmother was provided and protected because back then a man could work for $18 and hour and support a family (and that's with an unskilled labor poistion at a factory). Now...he's lucky to get $12 an hour (probably being a desk jockey) in 2009 money and still is expected to support a family.
You all have to see that you all can't have everything your way. Not to argue but so many of you compare us men to yesteryears without taking consideration any historical data that addresses wages and earnings in the post-industrial age.
Anon
You imply that being provided for and being protected motivates a woman to be sweet. That’s just not reality. Today’s black women are commonly socialized to be fractious and many black women wear this as a badge of honor under the guise of it being “strong”. How well a man treats her has little bearing on how she behaves toward him. If anything, her behavior is more likely to be affected by how much he can impress and/or intimidate her.
The problem is that most men are not impressive. Most men are average. All an average man can do is his best and doing his best to protect and provide for his wife will far from ensure that she treats him lovingly and with respect. If anything, such things are more likely to have the opposite effect. It becomes viewed as the “nice guy syndrome” that women commonly have little respect for. Black women seem to have cornered the market on the lack of respect for “nice guys”.
Some men rely on intimidation in an attempt to curb fractious behavior in their women, but this commonly results in domestic violence and one can argue that the fractious behavior so prevalent among black women has developed the tendency for black men to react in harsh manners to their women. The notion that it is the other way around is faulty since it is the nicer guys that black women tend to be most disrespectful of and testy toward.
Understand that black women in the past who worked full time cooked far more than today’s working black women and showed their men more love and respect. Likewise, the few married black women who don’t work cook far less than the non-working black wives of the past and show their men less love and respect. White people today hold on to traditional gender roles to a greater extent than blacks, thus white women are more prone to accepting the role as nurturer and the main preparer of meals than black women are. Hispanic women today tend to work full time, yet practically do all of the cooking and often cook daily.
As far as women having to work today, do you know what one of the main reasons is? Becoming nearly half of the work force was something women desired to do as opposed to needing to do. This caused a saturation of the work force that naturally resulted in lower wages for everyone in relation to cost of living. This resulted in the average household not being able to survive without the woman working full time. If women had not poured into the workforce, men’s wages would have been higher and able to sustain households without the second income. Thus, women’s desire to work resulted in women’s need to work.
You can blame the unions and cheap overseas labor for some of that drop in wages not all that is because women entered the workforce.
Women have been working for years so that is a cop out. Manufacturing became too expensive in the US so those jobs left.
Even if women stayed home those wages are not coming back.
Some women love to work anyway.
I agree with this post to an extent...not all black women are like this (but I guess of course this is assumed). I've always thought that if both partners work, there should be equal responsibility in the household. Why not help each other lessen our loads?
I just don't get the whole black/white issue, some people just want to go outside the box (but that's beyond the author's statement so I'll leave it at that).
@Rocky said:
"Today’s black women are commonly socialized to be fractious and many black women wear this as a badge of honor under the guise of it being “strong”."
I know you will disagree with this, but you just implied that MOST (not all, but MOST) black women are bitches.
I KNOW THAT YOU DID NOT CALL BLACK WOMEN BITCHES but you didn't have to. Everything you just said IMPLIES that you think most (not all, but MOST) modern black women are bitches.
You've said that you are married to a black woman. I suppose you don't consider your wife to be a bitch. Perhaps, you don't consider your mother to be a bitch.
I'm wondering how do you know what the MAJORITY of white women are like? How do you know what the MAJORITY of Latino women are like? Actually, how do you know what the MAJORITY of black women are like? How do you know what the MAJORITY of black women (married or otherwise) do (or don't do) in their kitchens?
Most modern black women are not going to be full-time homemakers. Most modern black women couldn't be full-time homemakers even if they wanted to. Most modern black women are not married. Most modern black women who ARE married are not married to men who make enough money to support a stay-at-home wife.
So what is your solution to the problem of modern black women not being "sweet" and cooking everyday? What's the end game?
PS: I know what you mean by "sweet". My mother, grandmothers and aunties were "sweet". Except for one aunt. This one aunt was a single mother (rare for her day). She had no husband and she alternated between being on welfare and cleaning white people's homes. She had the temper of 10 men. I miss the "sweetness" of those old black women and that they cooked every day. But I know it's not coming back. Or do you know something I don't know?
Did the witches coven disperse and visit this blog?
Ladies, get a clue! Men want women who act like women!
When you show displeasure, please do so in a womanly manner - not as a lumberjack man!
Look at Rocky's videos again about young girls who have been socialized to behave like bullies. That is a clear wake-up call!
What's wrong with you she-devils and banshees?!
The PUBLIC humiliation and shame visited upon black women in America is unprecedented.
For the past 20 years or so black rappers have ruthlessly called black women "bitches and hoes" while so-called "good" black men stood by silently and did NOTHING. What do modern black women have to be "sweet" about?
In the "old days", outstanding "soul men" like Ray Charles, Al Green, Wilson Pickett, Otis Redding, Marvin Gaye, Smokey Robinson, etc., sang of LOVE (good love, bad love and everything in between). Cuss words like "bitch and hoe" were NOWHERE in their music. On the other hand, black rappers over the course of 20 years have made the words "bitch and hoe" synonymous in the public mind with "black womanhood".
What, pray tell, do modern black women have to be "sweet" about? "Older" black women were mostly provided for and protected. Not only are most modern black women NOT provided for and protected but they are ROUTINELY called "bitches and hoes" IN PUBLIC with impunity.
Are white/Latina/Asian women ROUTINELY referred to as "bitches and hoes" in public by their respective races of men?
Why heap the slurs of rappers upon all black men?
I have watched black women listen to music which referred to black women as "b******" and "h***. So both genders are culpable.
These slurring rappers would not be popular if men AND women did not support them and throw money at them!
Your argument is moot, wicked banshees!
@Anon September 22, 2009 10:44 PM
"Why heap the slurs of rappers upon all black men?
I have watched black women listen to music which referred to black women as "b******" and "h***. So both genders are culpable."
Rap was originated by black men NOT black women. BLACK MEN are responsible for the defilement of black women. Why didn't the so-called "good" black men stop the filth from happening?
"Ladies get a clue! Men want women who act like women!"
No SANE woman is going to worship your behind just because you have a penis and testicles.
Most modern black men are NOT providers and protectors of women and children.
Anon said:
I know you (Rocky) will disagree with this, but you just implied that MOST (not all, but MOST) black women are bitches.
I KNOW THAT YOU DID NOT CALL BLACK WOMEN BITCHES but you didn't have to.
Everything you just said IMPLIES that you think most (not all, but MOST) modern black women are bitches.
Menelik asks:
If I maybe bold as to ask you a question or two:
1) HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE THE BEHAVIOUR AND PERSONNAS OF MOST BLACK WOMEN?
2)WOULD YOU PLEASE ANSWER THE QUESTION HONESTLY?
Menelik Charles
London England
"For the past 20 years or so black rappers have ruthlessly called black women "bitches and hoes"
WHY?
Anon said:
I'm wondering how you (Rocky) know what the MAJORITY of black women are like? How do you know what the MAJORITY of black women (married or otherwise) do (or don't do) in their kitchens?
1) MOST modern black women are not going to be full-time homemakers.
2) MOST modern black women couldn't be full-time homemakers even if they wanted to.
3) MOST modern black women are not married.
4) Most modern black women who ARE married are not married to men who make enough money to support a stay-at-home wife.
Menelik asks:
What's the difference between the terms MAJORITY and MOST?
Answer: none whatsoever!
Why is ok for YOU to speak of what most (or the majority) of what Black women do (or not do) but NOT Bro Rocky?
COULD YOU PLEASE ANSWER THIS SIMPLE QUESTION?
Menelik Charles
London England
i love this blog. i really do. forget the whole "my blond husband doing my baby's hair" but I wanna see my dreadlocked husband doing my baby's hair! (when i grow up, of course and meet that dreadlocked husband...sigh.) but when i was in 3rd grade, my dad did my hair once and I'll NEVER forget it. But who's to say he didn't love me when he was taking the same time out the "blond husband would"? I love my father even though he wasn't perfect. And that's love, love has nothing to do with some damn chinese food or a broke down car.
So if a man is supposed to "protect and provide" then what exactly are these black women supposed to give in return? I keep hearing this argument and it's full of more straw than the scarecrow.
I see black men defending their wife and children all the time. Now those women who made poor decisions and find themselves husbandless/manless and need some sort of security are SOL. They never question why they got into those situations...just blame the man for not being something.
So...what is the exchange? WE protect and provide even though many of you all have dug a hole yourselves and refuse to check how deep and what exactly should we expect? A badge of courage? Or are we just not measuring up to the white men who protect their women and daughters oh so well? Are these men who are failing to protect off their job also because women teachers are molesting kids at an alarming rate and getting caught?
It's all about angry black women marrying other angry black women!
Men will never get respect from these women!
It's all about angry black women marrying other angry black women!
Men will never get respect from these women!
Sarah has it right. She's happily married to a White man and is advocating other Black women to do the same.
This is no different than Black men who proclaim their hatred of Black women and who flaunt fat, overweight White women as "all that and a bag of chips".
I wonder why you frequent the Black female empowerment blogs since everything they stand for is an anethma to you. They're not going to change. I love their blogs.
I wish them all the best and I hope Black women will begin to broaden their dating/marriage options, like Black women do in Europe and Canada.
Rocky said
"That is why black women are sought less by non-black men than non-black women."
Isn't that the same for Black men? Didn't the OkCupid study show that Black men were the least desirable men, except for Asians?
Black men are not as desired as you believe. Sorry mate.
Jamdown said...
Sarah has it right. She's happily married to a White man and is advocating other Black women to do the same.
Sarah claims to be happily married to a white man. And what does her claim have to do with her constant lies and black male bashing?
This is no different than Black men who proclaim their hatred of Black women and who flaunt fat, overweight White women as "all that and a bag of chips".
Black men don't do this. This is just something that folks like you have made up. The white women that black men date are no fatter than the black women they date.
I wonder why you frequent the Black female empowerment blogs since everything they stand for is an anethma to you. They're not going to change. I love their blogs.
The only thing they do that is anathema is bashing, misrepresenting and flat out lying on black men.
I wish them all the best and I hope Black women will begin to broaden their dating/marriage options, like Black women do in Europe and Canada.
I wish that black women would simply choose better men and stop choosing thugs and players.
Isn't that the same for Black men? Didn't the OkCupid study show that Black men were the least desirable men, except for Asians?
Black men are not as desired as you believe. Sorry mate.
This is moot since this isn't an interracial blog worshiping white women and trying to convince black men to date out. Notice that all of the couples I have pictured are black couples.
I, like, many married women who work full-time carry most of the housework and child-rearing load. As a woman it is in my nature to do what needs to be done whether it means bringing in a second income or doing laundry. The desire to have a partner who not only works outside the home but also does his share around the house is not unreasonable. I believe that to expect from your spouse what you are not willing to do is actually treating her or him like a mule. I have no desire to control anyone but myself. No one wins when one spouse feels that doing what needs to be done to maintain family and home is optional.
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