I happened upon a blog owned by an individual who goes by the name "Case" and found this interesting article concerning the book "Don't Blame It On Rio". The book, written by Professor Jewel Woods, along with Pulitzer Prizewinning journalist Karen Hunter, examines the growing trend of professional black men participating in the Brazilian sex tourism industry and provides provocative insight on how black professional men view their relationships with black women and the women in Brazil.
Case gives an interesting opinion on this growing trend and how it relates to black male/black female relationships in America:
Now of course, there will be accusations of generalizations, but this really caught my eye because in my opinion, it makes a very important point. Priority with pleasing men has become lower today than ever before among all groups of women. As is the case with so many negatives in our society, this lower priority appears to be more prevalent in the black community. This is my perception true enough, but I will say with confidence that this is a perception shared by many black men.
"Black men seek something in women not of their race because of the images they see around them which doesn’t include beautiful African American women. Professional African American women don’t cater to black men as women of color of other countries are accustomed to doing. It is second nature for them to wait on men and please them in any way they want to be pleased. African American women shun at the thought of pleasing their men in any way they want to be pleased. They expect to be pleased, yet when it comes to pleasing their men, they shudder at the thought. I’m not just referring to pleasing black men in the bedroom. I’m referring to pleasing men outside of the bedroom. It’s the little things that count, such as rubbing your man’s back, running his bath water, cooking him a homecooked meal and feeding his ego by telling him how great he is and how much he is appreciated. It’s the little things that mean so much. If black women were to let down their guards and start treating their men the way they want and expect to be treated, their men wouldn’t be traveling to places like Rio seeking false love. They would enjoy real love with women they identify with and belong with."
I highlighted the part that says "they like to be pleased" because there is great emphasis today on pleasing women and men doing those "little things" for their women, but such emphasis is not reciprocated. This differs from past decades whereas girls were socialized early to become wives and taught what was necessary to keep their husbands happy. They were taught to be nurturers not only of their kids, but of their husbands as we see from the home economic textbooks of the past.
Men today don't expect such extreme service from their wives and girlfriends today, yet the extremes seem to have gone in the complete opposite direction. Even from a sexual standpoint, most literature is geared toward pleasing women. Foreplay is almost always that which a man performs upon a woman despite the fact that men have similar erogenous zones. Yet, black men are afraid to express what is lacking in their sex lives as is so well stated in this article:
"Let's face it: Black men have a huge reputation for cheating. At this point, cheating is expected of married Black men. The irony about it all is that Black women tend to be so sassy and defensive that married Black men or Black men in serious relationships are generally terrified to complain about the lack of overall satisfaction that they receive at home. We talk amongst over selves about it in the barbershops and poolrooms. We talk about it on the phone to our homeboys. We cheat. We go to strip clubs. We try everything except telling our wives the truth. This leaves our women in the dark."
"The saddest thing about the game is when I encourage brothers to discuss the issue with their wives. The result is always the same - the defensive sister, argues that the brother needs to be discipline himself. The woman tells the brother that he needs to stop being so selfish."What so many women fail to understand is that one of the main things a man considers when determining whether he wants to marry a particular woman or not is whether he will be happy in a marriage with that woman. A man analyzes whether he would be happier married or single. On the other hand, women tend to feel that men are obligated to marry them. "I'm an educated professional black woman and I have the right to be married." There is little emphasis on WINNING A MAN'S HEART while there great emphasis on DEMANDING a ring. Just look at how so many sistas really get into Beyonce's "Single Ladies".
Women, and particularly black women, seem to view marriage as a means to fill a void and any available man that interests or impresses them is welcome to fill that void. These women judge men's decisions on marriage based on this perspective. "He's with me and clearly interested in me, yet he won't marry me". They then accuse him of being immature and afraid of commitment, yet the truth is that despite the men being sexually attracted to them and even finding their general company appealing, these men have not concluded that these women will make them happy in marriage because, quite frankly, these women have failed to put put emphasis on WINNING A MAN'S HEART.