Thursday, May 5, 2011

Are Black Women Gold-Diggers?



Black women have commonly been accused of being gold-diggers. We hear and read it mentioned in practically every list of complaints leveled against black women in general by black men. Black women and others who disagree with this accusation seemingly have a very good defense against it. They quite simply point out the numerous instances of black women in relationships with black men who have little financially. So who is right?

Well I will say that the easy defense against this accusation exists for one important reason; that reason being that the accusation is NOT TRUE. Black women are no more likely to be gold-diggers than any other group of women and probably less likely. Is the accusation a mass fabrication by black men? Are black men en masse delusional on this point? My answer to both of these questions is NO. This statement is not a fabrication nor a delusion, but rather a misnomer.

Black men refer to black women as gold-diggers for lack of a better term to describe the dynamics between black women and black men as it relates to finances. Many simply know of no better term and many may avoid the true term due to it being even more incendiary than “gold-digger” (I will state this term later). “Gold-digger” has simply taken on a sort of layman’s definition with regard to black women and in attempting to discredit the label, black women use the most standard definition for the term’s non literal use.

So the question is one of exactly what are black men referring to when they call black women “gold-diggers”. Black women are notably great spenders and poor savers. Whether it relates to hair care, beauty products, consumer electronics, brand name clothing, gifts, tithing and general depreciable product spending, black women are leading the way. It is quite often that black women view money as being there for the sole purpose of spending it as soon as possible. This is why single black women have the lowest net worth of any group ($5.00). Of course, this is a generalization and individuals vary, but this trend is significantly more prevalent among sistas.

Now as any man knows, women tend to feel that their men are obligated to contribute to their spending habits. Thus, once a woman has depleted her personal resources, she then eyes her man’s resources and if allowed, will deplete his. Resistance by the man often prompts the well known shaming tactic of calling a man “CHEAP”. No man likes such a label and it is the avoidance of this label that causes many men to give in to contributing to their women’s unwise spending.

When a man simply doesn’t have the money to contribute to his woman’s spending habits, she then puts pressure on him to get it. She harasses him about demanding a raise, tries to convince him to look for a higher paying job or pushes him to take on a side hustle. Such women will sometimes turn a blind eye to their men’s illegal activities if such activities provide the means by which they can continue their materialistic pursuits.

If a man fails to contribute to his woman’s spending habits for whatever reason, the result is almost always friction. He will have little peace and harmony in his life and the chances of a break-up or him being cuckolded rise considerably. Financial issues are one of the top reasons for divorce and financial disputes tend to go beyond simply not providing family necessities and into the realm of not providing for the materialistic needs of a particular woman.

Men understand these dynamics and black men experience these dynamics to a greater extent than other men. Black women don’t set their dating and marriage standards around income any more than any other group of women and probably have lower income standards, yet once in a relationship, black women tend to try and draw blood. It is this drawing of blood that black men are referring to as “gold-digging”, but this, as stated earlier, is a misnomer. It’s an odd dynamic and I would actually find it more benefiting for black women to actually gold-dig than to do what can only be described as “blood-sucking” (a term that would probably bring about more anger than “gold-digging”). If black women did more gold-digging, it may serve as motivation for young black men to prepare themselves better for financial rewards.

But for some reason, black women are very open to men who don’t have much, yet try to force such men to find a way to provide for their materialistic desires and if such men rise to the occasion, their women up the ante so that no matter how much money a man makes, his woman will try to get more out of him than he has to provide.

White and Asian women, on the other hand, tend more to go for the professional guy who will have a fairly high income and they will reap the rewards of this high income WITHOUT trying to push the guy to spend above his means. This avoids much relationship friction while still garnering financial rewards and a more stable financial future for the both of them since they will actually save some money. Such women are actually gold-digging, yet they seem benign because they are not constantly at their men’s necks about spending money. This is why the true gold-diggers are less likely to be referred to as such. Hispanic women tend to, like black women, be open to the low income guys, yet they seem far more content with the simple, less materialistic lifestyle.

28 comments:

Adonis said...

I am intrigued to see how the BWE bloggers respond to this...

Adonis said...

Hmmm... I wonder what the BWE bloggers have to say about this...?

Anonymous said...

@Rocky

Great write up.

@Adonis

The BWE bloggers have already responded to black women being called "gold diggers." They have said that the inability to provide for a woman, the black man feels shame at not being able to do that so his response is to call the black woman a gold digger.

I think Rocky hit up on a couple of important nuances. Black men dont have strong finances and this situation is made incredibly volatile when having to associate with a group of women who are the most conspicuous of consumers.

When the BWE bloggers talk about black men being "unable" to provide for their black woman like other men provide for their women, they almost never discuss what black women's needs are. Judging by what black women spend their own money on I can understand the reluctance of a black man to finance such fuckery.

Thankfully the government in the form of social spending can finance the black woman's consumption thereby enriching the East Asian merchant class.

Kigali

Anonymous said...

I actually somewhat agree with you on this post.

I know of a fireman who was married to a woman who wanted him to buy her an expensive vehicle. I know of another situation where a woman wanted her security guard boyfriend to buy her a $5,000 ring.

I mean if you want a man who can buy you expensive cars, why are you married to a fireman? If you want expensive jewels, why are you engaged to a security guard?

These blue collar black men would be paying this stuff off for YEARS to come.

If a woman wants these things (and there's nothing wrong with wanting nice things) then she should go after wealthier men who can EASILY afford it.

These were all black people, btw.

Anonymous said...

@Anonymous

Well thats the thing. The BWE bloggers would view those men as not being providers and protectors if they didnt get their women those things. Black women like to brag about their spending power but never once mention their saving power. Why transfer all those supposed wealth to another community? They like to talk about wealthy black men and their money going to the white women and the white community but black women send ALL of their money to the East Asian community. So who is the bigger fool?

Kigali

Anonymous said...

Interesting perspective...not sure the validity of it but it does make you think? This may more a question of socialization, and how the media pushes for these norms into the culture in the context of materialism. Striving to be better and putting expectation of your partner to become better in marriage is true in all cultures, however in this article it is made to be an evil thing. Marriage is the only real relationship that makes you continually put yourself in others shoes and/or manage others expectations and feelings. Keeping in the context of this article, it does not present "other" women that would be seen as supportive and evening loving for investing the energy in the betterment of their partner and subsequently their relationship. As with all scenarios there are rotten apples in the bunch but an article like one this does focus too much on the bad apples, stereotypes. Essentially, this perspective paints a significant amount of women, regardless of race, ethnicity or parental upbringing with a single stroke which is unfair and childish.

As i alluded too early, relationships are about managing expectations and as such in these relationship expectations must be managed, altered and even revised as challenges arise.

Untouched Jewel said...

You know somethin? You gave me a better perspective on the term gold-digging. I had always thought of it in the sense that you had mentioned (in some ways), but more so in the sense that even if a woman was looking for more out of working class men, because they are in search of the next sucker they could get blood out of a turnip for. Most don't use that term when it comes to women dating or marrying wealthier men, because the men with wealth WILLFULLY give it to them and not the women themselves asking for it.
Don't get me wrong, I get what you're saying in terms of that label with wealthy men and the women who go after or get them. But in some ways to me, when a woman sees a hard working class man with nice things, she would automatically assume that he got something, hence she's chasing after him thinking she can get something out of the deal--hence the term of being a gold digger. Honestly, the term can apply both ways whether the man has money or works harder to get it, thus putting on a front in sporting nice things. That's just my take on it.

Anonymous said...

Good one but.....
Most women who have this materialistic life style indeed support it themselves. Which is your point on black women spending more and saving less.
Yes, most women do expect men to buy them things but I don't think that this is any more common among black women.

What I got from this is that black women aren't gold diggers but instead pick the wrong men who ultimately can't support a life style.

While white and asian women go more for the males who can support the life style.

Your point was a good one but I think you failed to mention some key things. Black men and non-black men are two different groups. Both white and asian women the advantage of men who have higher incomes and therefore it doesn't seem so obvious when they have those life styles and men that maintain it.

Black women who do date black males get more objection because black males couldn't afford that life style for any woman, white , asian , black or what ever. Im not blaming black men for that but thats what it comes down too.
Also Hispanic women are mexican and south american. They come in poor and most don't expect or desire of a life outside of that. Most are immigrants not materialistic. Its an American thing.

Black men call it gold digging because they can't afford the lifestyle or help with maintaining that lifestyle. I'm sure if black males where making more money a year and could afford it , it wouldnt be such a problem.
Not saying they are wrong but lets state the facts here.
btw, since when are black males being pushed into debt by financing black womens life style. Most of the chicks you described buy cheap knockoffs or finance there own life styles. I've yet to hear about black males throwing thousands into a black womans materialistic needs.

Its a lose-lose thing for black women in it.

If we want to lifestyle of the rich and famous-like other females- we are pushed to date wealthier men who can afford it.
But when we over look the blue collar black males who cant support that lifestyle, we are seen as being materialistic and not giving a brotha a chance because of his income.

damned if you do and damned if you dont.

Kid W/Golden Arms said...

@anon
"But when we over look the blue collar black males who cant support that lifestyle, we are seen as being materialistic and not giving a brotha a chance because of his income."

no win situations are a staple of the "bwe" crew and how they approach black men...not vice versa,

secondly, the only time blue collar brothas reply with that is when the sistas say there are "no good men around, all black men are (fill in the blank),etc,etc"

Black women who date black men (not "males" as you put it) dont get more rejection, they get less. The entire culture leans towards a matriarchy and the "needs of the woman" are seen as universal while men are told to "suck it up and deal with it." This is more evident when politicians like obama, talk to black WOMEN about black mens behavior and not men, in and outside the church. Its also evident in the music, which,save a few gangster rappers, is geared towards the female audience, who just wants something to shake their ass to.

Lastly, black women get more resistance outside of black men, just like black men do when they date non black women. The difference is that black men have been told to "suck it up/ignore your own interests" their whole lives so they keep on living while black women like to yell at the top of mountains about their inter-racial relationships and what black men supposedly are not as well as engage in online attention whoring/hype creation..

The last reason they get more resistance outside is b/c they are getting leftovers from white,asian and hispanic women,ie, as a group will be picked last by the most desire bale non black men, who they really want to be with to outdo white women due to jealousy over who is on the pedestal of american beauty...

Kid W/Golden Arms said...

@Rocky,

You will be surprised about the number of brothas who dont stand up to their woman on various issues. Probably left over from their childhood with their own moms. But the finance issue raises an important point:women who dont hustle like this are notoriously quiet.

They dont want to attract to much attention to themselves or to the men in their lives because they see through the smokescreens and shenanigans. I know alot of happily married black women who are with black men and they just smh at some of these women out here. Another thing is that some of these women, particularly the more bitter ones, like to socialize their individual issues and say that it applies to all black women,ie they are all the victim of black men.

The same applies to some black men, but given the nature of our culture(or lack thereof) they get shouted down and out. ITs so prevalent that women like Evia and other black women have no concern for mens concerns but want to dominate the minds of men with their own.

Menelik Charles said...

Bro Rocky,

this is slightly off-topic but this video is of a 17 year-old who spills her guts on how she so loathes Black men who aint ghetto:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=niUTU6CZmJc&feature=uploademail

Menelik Charles
London UK

Anonymous said...

@Anonymous

"Its a lose-lose thing for black women in it.

If we want to lifestyle of the rich and famous-like other females- we are pushed to date wealthier men who can afford it.
But when we over look the blue collar black males who cant support that lifestyle, we are seen as being materialistic and not giving a brotha a chance because of his income.

damned if you do and damned if you dont."

The problem with black women and gold digging is that she has a smaller pool from which to choose from. This distorts the dating reality. You create harems for men with resources if they have access to more women than blue collar men. Also there is the issue of STDs being spread by one Alpha male with access to multiple women because his resources make him attractive to those women.

White and Asian women have a larger pool of men to choose from. They dont distort the dating market by creating a bunch of women for a few men living a lot of men without women.

The children of these relationship end up even worse.

Kigali

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure if I agree with the argument presented in the article. I think the term gold digger refers to an individual that brings nothing to the table but expects to reap the benefit from the harvest-essentially a free loader except the relationship is romantic. I don't believe that black women are any more or less gold diggers than are non-black women. In general black women manner of engaging in gold digging is different. What black women should do is focus on the man with drive and determination in the early lean years....build with him and both can enjoy the fruits of their labor. You cannot also show up at the end of the show.

Andrew said...

Dear Rocky

I agree with you. Black women have a tendency to be a little idealistic about the potential of a man.

For example, If a guy a great hustler on the street. They think he might be successful at a square job. Perhaps, loyal to a certain degree that they hurt themselves.

White and Asian women tend to be around successful white men more than black women are. Since there is a higher percentage of successful men in the white subgroup. White and Asian women will snag one.

The problem is that the same white and Asian women will snag a successful black man too if available.

Black women unfairly have the gold digging label due to stereotypes and a perception they are jezebels and prostitutes. Since all women are competitive. You are not exactly going to see non black women try to "defend black women".

I have had white women tell me things about black women that made me cringe. That is why I think white women are more aggressive than black women when it comes to dating and finding a successful man.

So black women try extra hard to shed that label. They emphasize their college education and etc.
Basically, black women have to prove themselves more. Especially to non black men who raise the bar higher.

There are far more white women who are gold diggers (I am serious about this). They guy could be bald and fat. Show me a black man with money and I will show you a white woman that is willing to sleep with him.

Unfortunately, black women just got a bad reputation due to many things. I find non black women far more aggressive than black women. Physically black women win more fights. But mentally they are getting beat when it comes to dating.

A white man wouldn't demand a white woman or Asian woman to do x,y, and z to be with them. They would be the ones jumping through hoops to get them.

Whenever a black woman has to jump through hoops to get a man. She is bound to fail.

Mr Laurelton Queens

Andrew said...

Hey Rocky

I just release Mrlaureltonqueens.com

I am still working the website though. It needs major work.

I wrote about black women being the biggest subgroup being "single".

They also had an article about it.

I touched on it on my new post on my website.

Take it easy

Velouroyale said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

@Rocky

Youve got to pic up Social Work With African AMerican Males: Health Mental Health and Social Policy.

The most interesting part so far is reading about suicide among young black men. Its a bit counter intuitive which groups are more prone to suicide and self harm.

Kigali

Evia said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Menelik Charles said...

What on earth is Evia doing over here?

Anonymous said...

My brother, Rocky:

You hit the nailon the head with this article. It is more like blood-sucking. I've dated several sistas in my life just trying to find love, peace, balance, and to build a future and a family with, but not one of them have ever seemed to focus on our future, only their lack of means to impress their girls with how much money their man has, leaving brothas like me with unfair labels because of false beliefs about what men should be and should have. Even my wife is that way, and has begun pushing for divorce for this very reason. And before we physically separated living quarters, she rants tomy son about me not being a real man, because of what I "won't do" to bring more money home, yet fails to mention that she overspends irrationally. She had complained that I did't want to take her out and that I wasn't pursuing her once we got married, which was never true. I didn't take her out because we had money problems that she was causing, and the stress of me focusing on our finances alone and hearing all of her untrue and unfair judgments deadened my interest in her. But unlike her, I never threatened an affair, separation, or divorce. I tried to hang in there, praying for the day to come when she would see the light. So far, hasn't happened. We're separated and my house has begun getting in better shape because I've been using God's principles,including those for finance, to run my home. She's constantly complaining about needing more money. Sometimes I want to tell her again, "that's because you are spending too much." A brotha really can't get a break for choosing blood-suckers. Should this divorce happen, I'll take the pain as a lesson learned - to not ever be taken advantage of by another blood-sucker.

Anonymous said...

in response to the video posted above, this just reinforces stereotypes about black females wanting to be "normal". god forbid a nerdy guy shows interest in you....and you wonder why you can't "find a man". and forget them dating white guys such as myself, we're just too goddamn "weird".

Anonymous said...

WHY DID YOU REMOVE EVIA AND VELOUR'S POSTS????
THEY MAKE MORE SENSE THAN ANY LOSER ON HERE, ANYWAY.

You guys are so full of ish, as once you get paid, you want any trash, fat, ugly nonblack woman that you can get and will pay anything to be with her. Yet still look at black women as gold diggers for no reason. STOP FRONTIN BLACK MEN. Whether you are rich or not is irrelevant. JUST ADMIT THAT MOST BLACK MEN DISLIKE BLACK WOMEN. PERIOD!

Rocky said...

Anon. Can you read? On both posts, it reads:

"This post has been removed by the AUTHOR."

They removed their own posts (an option anyone posting under a Google account has). If I had removed them, it would have said "This post has been removed by the ADMINISTRATOR".

Andrew said...

Let me respond to the angry sellout black women.

If black men do pay, its to be with black women 99 percent of the time.

Black men in general think white women should spend on them. I haven't met any black men pay to be with any white woman. Let alone a fat white woman.

Now if your disgruntled about payment. You can always ask your rainbeau to finance your lifestyle.

Apparently that is what you are looking for.

However, you sound like a disgruntled "sexual employee" that always wants more money.

Stop using your body as an atm machine and love a man for 'him".

If you have trouble doing that. Stop complaining about payment.

You have a nice day. LOL

Blues said...

Personally i've seen this "blood sucking" phenomenon present on women in general and from my general impression it's not so much linked to race or even education level as it is to a particular woman's sense of entitlement.

P.S. I'm loving this blog, great writing all around.

Anonymous said...

That's a fallacy. Black women DO NOT have a small pool to choose from. They just choose not to access their entire pool. Given the FACT that black women are a MINORITY in this country, even if a minority of white, asian and hispanic men wanted to date them there would be more than enough men for an educated black woman to choose from if she was not able to find a black man who made the income she desired. A lot of educated black women stay single not because they don't get male admirers but because they will only look at the black ones.

Anonymous said...

That's a fallacy. Black women DO NOT have a small pool to choose from. They just choose not to access their entire pool. Given the FACT that black women are a MINORITY in this country, even if a minority of white, asian and hispanic men wanted to date them there would be more than enough men for an educated black woman to choose from if she was not able to find a black man who made the income she desired. A lot of educated black women stay single not because they don't get male admirers but because they will only look at the black ones.

The Artist said...

I disagree because I see it everyday I'm financially secure but I mostly and like riding around on a mountain bike. Most of the time when I try to talk to a female it's usually the cold shoulder I even been ditch for someone whom they thought had more money, but when the ones that did give me the cold shoulder find out that I'm a home owner with a nice car and boat they'll flip there script and then all smiles a puppy dogs looks to me. This behavior always sends alarms up and I will always if she's there because of me or because of what I got. This is 95% of the time I meet someone and yes black females because I'm not attracted to white females at all