Sunday, May 30, 2010

The "Tom Willis Syndrome"

With the recent break-up between Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubrey, I have given a bit more thought to something I have long noticed about the dynamics commonly involved in relationships between black women and white men. It is something that I have pinned, the “Tom Willis Syndrome”. As anyone who tuned into The Jeffersons back in the day would clearly have noticed, Tom Willis was quite submissive to his wife Helen. His response to her raising her voice to him was a quick “yes dear”. It is interesting that even 30 plus years ago, this dynamic between white men and black women who are married was prevalent enough for it to be represented on television.
Much of the rumor mill indicates that there was a similar dynamic between Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubrey. The most prevalent example is her passionately and blatantly kissing other men on stage without regard to his feelings and rumors suggest that she likewise disrespected him in other public settings whereas he simply took it in stride. Such rumors didn’t exist with respect to how she treated the black men she was with before. Quite simply, it is doubtful that David Justice, Westley Snipes, etc. would take such disrespect in stride.

It’s not so long ago that we witnessed a rather demanding and lazy black wife on one of the “Wife Swap” shows whose white husband waited on her hand and foot and did all of the work around the house while she remained in an inclined position. It didn’t seem to bother him at all. Another episode of such a show showed a staunch conservative interracial couple whereas the black wife was EXTREMELY vocal in her views while the white husband simply remained quiet. Likewise, not too long ago, we witnessed a black wife state on national television in front of her white husband how much respect she had lost for him simply because he was recently out of work due to this current bad economy. The husband didn’t even try to defend himself. We saw how Tiffany “New York” Pollard dominated and disrespected the winner of her second reality show, George “Tailor Made” Weisgerber (who had already married one black woman before).

Now this is not to say that white men are passive in relationships. What this is referring to are those white men who tend to seek relationships with black women, especially the less than 1% of white men who marry them. These men seem comfortable with taking the passive role in relationships with domineering women, and see black women as a prime source for such dominance. While black women tend to not respect passive men, they tend to remain in relationships with passive men for long periods of time. They may treat the men poorly and even mess around on them (such as tongue kissing other men on stage), yet they are less inclined to leave such men and such men are content to be dominated by such women. This is in all likelihood why such relationships last longer than average. On the other hand, when such women are with dominant men, they respect those men a lot more and show such respect, yet the inevitable routine friction causes such relationships to not last as long. The fact that the effort of gaining respect from your woman may break you and your woman up is a dynamic quite prevalent in relationships with black women. Such is the irony.
A good example of the tendency of certain white men to desire domination at the hands of black women is the number of videos on Youtube showing “mixed wrestling”. These are basically videos portraying the sexual fetish of men purposely being physically manhandled by women in thong bikinis. Notice that such videos seem to always include white men and a disproportionate number of them involve black women.















37 comments:

Andrew said...

That was very insightful.

Sellout black women always find a way to emasculate white men. I think they get "off on it". That is why these relationships are superficial.

Sellout black women don't want to be alone and need help financially.

The white men get to live out their black girl fantasy with a full time freak in the bedroom.

It is a happy 'trade off".

Kigali said...

Oh gosh. No comment. I think.

A blogger by the name of Jamil Akil (http://www.jamilaakil.com/) has suggested that high IQ black women should date and eventually marry white beta males. Now I understand why. Queen FUBAR Evia talks about the privileges being with a white man brings even if his financial and educational status is low. Another incentive of black women dating white men. This is a power grab for them. What they cant achieve on their own merits they will extract socially from these white men. Even black men who are low on the economic ladder would take their shit.

And by living well, FUBARs mean living in complete and in total control. Unchallenged.

Kigali

p.s. You gotta write more.

Menelik Charles said...

Hi Bro Rocky,

that Halle Berry girl is worth a study all by herself! We may begin by asking the question: how is it that a Bi-racial woman brought up by a single white mom can manifest the primary relationship characteristics (contempt for 'nice' men but submission to, and conflict with, men with an 'edge') of your standard African-American female?

It's almost uncanny!

Perhaps it was the absence of a strong masculine presence in her home as a child; a metrosexual maternal figure with whom men could not seriously attach themselves; or a meanness born of resentment at not being born white and female i.e. 'ideal'.

Let's keep in mind that (as an adult) Halle has typically been 'taken' by men rather than courted by them. Add to the mix the fact that actors tend not to have very solid identities (much like Bi-racial 'Blacks', in fact) and who'll do what one is asked "if the SCRIPT demands it"...like the "tasteful" script of the delightful Monster's Ball!

Clearly, Halle Berry the woman is as a result of a combination of psycho-social and racial factors; all of which conspire to make her a 'Black' woman we readily recognise as almost begging for some unsuspecting brother to beat the crap out of her, and thus define her as a 'real' woman.

Not to do so would be to invite all manner of betrayals/revenge like that which awaited Eric Benet as he sat through a private screening of the Monster's Ball; or her baby daddy, Gabriel Aubry, who, at the very least, was informed of her "sexy" public escapades with Jamie Fox.

You see, Ms Berry has a particular way of telling her fellows' "it's over!" and a truly spectacular means of playing victim when she herself provokes men to violence, and then sets in play a guessing game as to which "well-known figure beat up" this tragic mulatto.

Yeah, I recognise women like Ms Berry. And they recognise my back as I turn and walk briskly away from them lol

Menelik Charles
London England

PS welcome back Bro Rocky, you were much missed!

Anonymous said...

Why do you care so much about relationships between black women and white men. Black men try to act like they dont care about black women with white men but they do. The reason that they do is because white men treated you like boys for hundreds of years. Then most black men who become rich now are the white man's athletes and entertainers. You guys are jealous and have a deep resentment of white men.

Check out this billionaire who has been married to this dark black woman for over 30 year. Black men HATE to think that POWERFUL white men marry black women because they know that they will NEVER be able to measure up to a white men.

http://www.panacheprivee.com/File/Roland_Betts/

Menelik Charles said...

Anon said:

Black men try to act like they dont care about black women with white men but they do. The reason that they do is because white men treated you like boys for hundreds of years.

Menelik replies:

just as i suspected: people like you are constantly trying to set up a cuckold scenario in which Black men are tamed and made timid by swaggering, drunken, white men invading the slave quarters!

Unfortunately, the reality is somewhat different, though in some respects, no less perverse since it is often Black women with the swagger and the 'balls' NOT 'nice' white boys!

So, you want real-life scenarios in which white men dominate, humiliate and screw 'Black' women in the name widening your options? Try 'ghetto gaggers' why dontcha!

See ya, Lormarie!

Menelik Charles
London England

Rocky said...

Hi anon. Can you refer me to where it says that Roland Betts is a "billionaire"? All I have seen is "millionaire". In that case, what makes him any more than Real estate entrepreneur, Don Peebles, who has a net worth of 350 million dollars?

Don Peebles is African American and his wife is white. Does that make YOU jealous that you can't seem to compete with such a blond, blue eyed woman?

Does it make you jealous that you can't compete with the blond, blue eyed model who is married to Tiger Woods (who is worth 700 million)?

S.B. said...

(different Anonymous)

No not at all Rocky because I know black men never wanted me or anyone like me to begin with. We're just people to buy time till fame and money comes and were dropped like a bad habit.

Honestly I dont expect ANY rich black man to marry a black woman because we're not a sign that they made it and honestly they all want and NEED is a white woman on their arm.

It comes to a surprise to me if they DO have a black wife. I cant get jealous with white women because men love them.

To the other anonymous, just give it up honey.NO MAN wants a black woman, black white asian, nothing. Unless your close to white and light, your chances of getting married or even being taken seriously are slim.

I dont get this post because it has nothing to do with black men but black women are always going to be used as a joke and blog post to make the next person feel better. Thats why I suggest to my friends to just dont have kids, you might have a girl and unless you can make sure she is light (a sign of beauty) than just forget it, no one should bring a kid into the world knowing that they will be made fun of and picked last.I could never do that to anyone.

So continue on with hate because honestly you can't break someone who has been broken for a long time now.

P.S.- this isn't some pity party, im just saying what I feel , all of these blogs, message boards and recent studies all prove me right honestly.

Menelik Charles said...

S.B. said:

So continue on with hate because honestly you can't break someone who has been broken for a long time now.

Menelik replies:

just out of interest, S.B. - and I ask this with an open heart, what was it that broke your spirit, and left you appearing so fatalistic?

Menelik Charles
London England

Anonymous said...

Black men don't want black women when they make it, because they believe bright light biracial
Hispanic White and Asian women are superior. Which is why I stopped dating black men (I'm 19), I am also on the thinner side and not thick at all, and I wear my hair natural no perm or weaves. Black men only like light skin girls with long hair something closests to White, it's alot about that White ideal for them. I personally think black women ESP those who are darkskin with natural hair have a better chance with White men than black men. White men love my hair skin color and body type.
Tiger woods is biracial and doesn't consider himself a black man by any means. So I don't consider him one
but melody a dark skin black woman has been dating billionaire director george lucas, and wolfgang puck is married to a skinny ethiopian woman. So I honestly think black women have a better chance with White guys than black men.

Truth B. Told said...

Sometimes, WM like to do the punching

http://www.seattlepi.com/local/421817_punch15.html

Rocky said...

Wow anon. Wolgang Puck's wife is very much an example of lightskinned with hair more naturally straighter than West African blacks and features and are closer to caucasion. This applies to most Ethiopians.

And talk to me when Melody and Lucus get married. He married Marsha. When will he marry Melody?

Have you looked at my sidebar? Have you not seen Anthony Hamilton's wife? Samuel Jackson's wife of 35 years? Eddie George's wife? Don King is one of the wealthiest black men in America. Have you seen his wife? I know that you have seen Denzel Washington's wife.

These men are married to dark women and they are all rich.

Go to any predominantly white message board that discusses women men like, and the black women that make the list are typically the Halle Berry types. So stop the nonsense about dark women having a better chance with white men. Less than 1% of married white men marry black women. A dark skinned woman will have the best chance with a light skinned black man.

And please don't criticize black men for not preferring skinny women. Being skinny has nothing to do with race save for the fact that few black women are skinny.

Menelik Charles said...

Anon said:

Black men DON'T want black women when they make it; they believe light, bi-racial, Hispanic, White, and Asian women are superior. Which is why I stopped dating black men (I'm 19).

Menelik replies:

you seem to be implying that Black men avoid dating you rather than the other way around. Is this correct?

Anon said:

I am also on the thinner side and not thick at all, and I wear my hair natural no perm or weaves. Black men only like light-skin girls with long hair; something closests to White.

Menelik replies:

you are, indeed, suggesting Black men don't want you because you're dark(?), skinny, and you wear your hair natural.

And you have come by this decision at the tender age of 19? Hmmm...it makes me wonder which Black man left you between, say the ages of 9-months to 9-years old. Anyone worth mentioning, Anon?

Menelik Charles
London England

Menelik Charles said...

@ Truth B Told,

you know, I can't understand how people can stand around just watching such a scene...it was so painful!

Menelik Charles
London England

Andrew said...

Rocky, London and Kigali

You make good points.

Now white men love dark skin women. Considering modeling agencies do not even hire dark skin models with the exception of Alec (Dark skin african girl with the baby face).

I even heard some black women call her ugly. They suffer from the same self hate they accuse black men of.

But somehow black men are discriminating against dark skin women. How about dark skin women with light skin men.

Are they discriminating when they date a light skin black man?

Black men talk to women that look good period black, white, spanish and Asian.

Just like white men do.

As for successful black men going to white women> That is a myth.

Successful white men are with white women ALL THE TIME. When a successful white men dates an Asian woman.

They never get the same amount of criticism a black man gets for being with a white woman.

Anonymous said...

Im the Anonymous girl that posted at 2:28 on June 15.
I just wanted to reply back to menelik. yes black guys tell me all the time I would look prettier if I was lighter. I am not pitch black but they tell me they would be able too see my features more. And they all hate my hair. During spring semester when i removed my braids to reveal my natural hair, some of the black men on campus kept asking me when I was going to straighten it, and kept telling me that I was not in feilds anymore. I dont plan on striaghtening my hair anytime soon or at all.
I am also thin, The only dark skin girls that I know that get attention from black men have big behinds or long striaght hair with perms.

I feel like black girls like me with my thin frame natural hair and dark skin have 3 strikes for black men. I dont have that good striaght hair, i dont have light skin, and i dont have a phat ass.

light skin black guys like dark black guys both like light skin girls.
light skin black men tell me all the time they could never be with a girl who was darker than they are.

White guys like me though they love my hair and always want to touch. White people in general like me better. I do feel like dark girls have a better chance with whte men than a black men, so i stick by it.

Menelik My father is in my life, my mom and dad have been married for years and they are still together.

Anonymous said...

This is anonymous agian who commented at 2:28. This is my reply to Rocky.
I know that Wolfgang puck's wife is light skin with straighter hair but she is thin like me so I used her as an example

as for Melody and George Lucas. most black men would not even give a girl melody's color a chance, george gave melody a chance and now they are dating.

and i dont want to seem ignorant but I dont know any of the famous black men you mentioned besides samuel L. Denzel and Anthony Hamilton. Black famous men like Kobe, Shaq, kevin garnett, jay z, and like 99% of all the others that I can mention out of my head all have very light skin wives. So its not just in my mind.

Being skinny has nothing to do with race but black guys i know dont like skinny girls.

despite the fact that only 1% of white men are married to black women i honestly feel like black women like me have a better chance of marrying a white man based on my experiences.
most black men I know around my town are not married, they have live in girlfriends with kids though. the few black men that I see, that are married, are with extremely light women, black girls who almost look racially ambiguous. I know what I see around me. And I also feel like black guys dont value my beauty as much as white guys do. white men tell me they like the way I look all the time.

Kigali said...

@Anon

I think you are being self pitying. A good looking girl is a good looking girl. Light skinned, dark skinned, brown skinned, whatever.

Why do you keep talking about famous black men? Most women, no matter their color can be with a famous man. Stop obsessing over them. If you desire a wealthy man than darn it, how can you object to a wealthy man having his own standards.

What is wrong with you women always trying to brow beat men into only wanting a certain kind of black woman but then you can taste from the rainbow? Youre selfish.

Get over yourself.

Kigali said...

@Truth B Told

What happened wasnt funny. However since the FUBARs are holding thier tune-out low value or no value black men than black men should tune out no value or no value black women even when they are being punched in the face by a white cop.

Kigali

p.s there should be like one of those BatMan captions along with that punch. "POW" would be good.

Menelik Charles said...

@ Anon,

thank you for responding to my inquiries. However, I must say that while I disagree with SOME of your comments, I do sense something which I have detected in many a sister from the US. That is, lacking a context to some very serious matters such as colorism, inter-racial dating and the consequences/impact of slavery on the Black family.

I empathise very much with your plight, though I suspect some of the remarks you make re Black men and your appearance are a little too explicit to be true i.e. men are not sitting in judgement on women''s appearance, and passing comments on each female as though judges in a beauty contest: it simply doesn't happen!

The issue of, say, colorism, is a serious one impacting hugely on the self-esteem of millions of Black females the world over. It can be challenged most emphatically (I wont say how here) but if and when it is, it will leave African-Americans in the most precarious psychological position since the 1940s!

In the meantime, people such as myself have to keep taking the 'temperature' of post-slavery Blacks so as to better work out a 'cure' for our ills. It aint over yet, young lady, so hold tight!

Oh, and do please check out this lengthy debate I had with another African-American woman. It makes for interesting reading.

http://blackmenconfrontingthelies.blogspot.com/2009/03/are-ir-black-women-victims-of.html

Menelik Charles
London England

Menelik Charles said...

Anon said:

White guys like me though they love my hair and always want to touch.

Menelik replies:

are you a pet or something; a curio of an exotic nature? Seriously, you need to look and see who elects Halle Berry, Beyonce and RiRi as 'Black beauties': it aint Black men, that's for sure!

The white mass media dictates to a degree who and what Blacks find attractive and they make sure that it corresponds to a white framework; at least in terms of colour and hair.

African -Americans have no answer to such brain-washing because the 'culture of resistance' has been lost the ant-intellectual, anti-Black, Negro swaggering of the Hip Hop generation.

My advice to you is to see how this mess is added to by our parents who actively promote colorism and white supremacy within the private confines of the home.

LOOK!

Menelik Charles
London England

Kigali said...

@Menelik Charles

Top of the morning to you. Living in England I am sure you can vouch for the fact that dark black women have it good in terms of "colorism" when compared to other women on earth. There is far more representation of dark skinned women in black media than there is in say, Asian media or Hispanic media. In fact in Hispanic media, everyone is white save the Mariache band members and the audience of these God awful talk shows.

Kigali

Menelik Charles said...

@ Kigali,

yes, dark-skinned Black females are reasonably represented in the white mass media, though bi-racial women do tend to get romantic roles with white men as they are more easily 'digestible' in a psycho-social sense i.e. not so 'Other'.

Menelik Charles
London England

ps it is nearing 3.30 in the afternoon over here!

Kigali said...

@Menelik

I just read your old post "Are IR Black Women Victims of Unrequited Love?" Now I have heard before that black men have a more natural affection toward non black women. Would you agree, as it seems to be your argument in the post, that black women, on the other hand, take a more ideological affection toward non black men?

Kigali

Menelik Charles said...

@ Kigali,

as day-to-day leaders of the Black family, and self professed "protectors" of Black males, the notion of 'Black love' would more evidently take on an ideological slant with Black females than with Black males.

For example, psycho-socially, Black male/white female unions actually feminise the Black male since his status in the family and wider society is structurally female whereas the white female (as the cornerstone of white supremacy) is racially and socially Black men's superiors. this status is symbolically a masculine one.

get my point?

Menelik Charles
London England

chic noir said...

rocky Being skinny has nothing to do with race save for the fact that few black women are skinny.

because they eat bad foods and drink too many darn calories.
FYI, blk women of west African heritage outside of this country are much smaller than many AA. Even in NYC we are much smaller than the blk women down South.


Hello charles darling
*chic noir blows kisses to menilick charles*

Chic Noir said...

andrew Considering modeling agencies do not even hire dark skin models with the exception of Alec (Dark skin african girl with the baby face).

complete and utter bullcrap. Let me teach you about models and fashion son.

Allmost every top blk high fashion model has been medium brown or darker.

Of all the top high fashion blk models currently working, only two are light skinned, that's Joan Smalls and Channel Iman.

The rest are dark or medium colored. google lindsey scott,sedene blake, seeilee lopez, Arlenis Desosa,jeneille williams(a victoria secret model),r'el dade,jourdan dunn,ajak,hollis,georgie badiel,nana keita, ataui deng, atong arjok, kinee diouf.

btw, the alec wek look is still very popular in high fasion. In the list of names I gave you, there are a few models who have that look.

Andrew said...

Listening to Chic

How many black models are there currently? I mean signed to top notch modeling agencies?

But you are going to teach me about modeling.

Tyra Banks even said they ain't hiring black models to the elite modeling agencies.

She was complaining about it. Naomi Campbell said the same thing.

Iman said the "same thing".

They are lying now.

Get your facts straight and stop looking for handouts from white men.

Low level modeling for Sears, Victoria secret does not count.

There are many black models for black magazines. Who made that happen? Black men made that happen. We made your bodies acceptable to the mass media/ Thick was in vogue because of US. Video Vixens popular because of US.

Let's get Super Models and regular models distinguished here.

Mr Laurelton Queens

Chic Noir said...

andrewLow level modeling for Sears, Victoria secret does not count.

victoria secret isn't low level. victoria secret pays big money. It's why the models like to work for VS.

Tyra Banks even said they ain't hiring black models to the elite modeling agencies.

She was complaining about it. Naomi Campbell said the same thing.

Iman said the "same thing".


Distortion of the truth young man. they said blk models aren't getting as much work as why models. Look up the names I posted. A few of them have been on the cover of international editions of Vogue and done major camipagns and runway work.

Andrew said...

Dear Chic

I am distorting the truth.

You said this

"Distortion of the truth young man. they said blk models aren't getting as much work as why models. Look up the names I posted. A few of them have been on the cover of international editions of Vogue and done major camipagns and runway work."

June 29,

LOl Not getting as much work. Oh, okay that makes it better right. I don't know where I distorted the truth at. You admitted they don't get any work much.

There is how many white models in comparison to black models again?

You work in the industry right?

From my understanding, some of the modeling agencies have admitted to not hiring black models.

You are playing games now. Where are the black women in the "elite modeling agencies"?

I will take the word of "Tyra Banks" over you.

Good day.

Rocky said...

Hi Chic Noir. Most of the models you name have keen features even if they are of a darker hue. Also, it is important to note that fashion modeling is run by women and gay men. If you want to see what type of women straight white men consider hot, you should look at Maxim. Notice how most of the black women look:

http://www.maxim.com/girls/girls-of-maxim

Chic Noir said...

rocky Hi Chic Noir. Most of the models you name have keen features even if they are of a darker hue.

No they don't. a few have very wide flat noses. Most look like your average African-Ameican woman in the face. That's a myth that you must be dipped in choclate white. The fashon industry loves full lips.

rocky If you want to see what type of women straight white men consider hot, you should look at Maxim. Notice how most of the black women look:

Most white men find white women hot becuase their mothers and sisters are white. What's so surprising about that?

Chic Noir said...

You are playing games now. Where are the black women in the "elite modeling agencies"?

Every model I named is reped by an "elite agency".

FYI,Arlenis desosa has a makeup contract with Lancome. Jessica White is with Maybeline.




andrew . You admitted they don't get any work much.

No I didn't. I said they don't get as much work as white models who are at their level.
It you want to debate for the heck of it... that's good but keep it real bro.

Truth B. Told said...

Most white men find white women hot becuase their mothers and sisters are white. What's so surprising about that?

Most White men's mothers and sisters don't look like Marissa Miller types. Most of them tend to be average and many look like Lisa Lampanelli and Kathy Kinney types.

Many White men can appreciate a Grace Park or an Adriana Lima and their appreciation is not an affront nor indicative to anything that their mothers or sisters have done or not done.

What gets a mans penis hard should have nothing to do with his mom or his sisters. If it does he truly needs to get help.

Not to speak for White men, but like most men, they find hot women hot because they are "hot". What's so surprising about that?

Anonymous said...

"but melody a dark skin black woman has been dating billionaire director george lucas,"

We've been seeing George Lucas and Melody together FOREVER. When is Mr. Lucas going to MARRY poor dark skinned Melody?

Anonymous said...

I know couples when the woman is black and the man is white and NOT EMASCULATED but, the media just makes it seem that way. some of the media is ran by WHITE WOMAN as well and they don't want black women cutting in on their man. They know, they have lost some to the hispanic and asian women. That is one reason, I believe that hispanic illegal alians are here. there her family.

Anonymous said...

I have a theory: white men in slavery times who had kids by slaves probably would have given the kids more land, etc. if it wasnt for their scorned wife. The light blacks could be able to either go out of the country or pass as white. I know this is irrelevant to the topic though. some white men (not recorded because they couldnt read) had black girlfriends or common law marriages.

Gen said...

Normally, I like your blog, but this post disturbed me. You remind me of the male version of that Evia woman who writes hateful blog posts about Black men as a reason for Black women dating and marrying White men.

Let's just be happy to see loving couples, and stop speculating on why they are together and who is the dominant and submissive one.

Many Black relationships are brutally unhealthy and so are many interracial relationships. And obviously, many in both categories are thriving. I am happy to see Black women in healthy and happy relationships, regardless of who it is with. And I feel the same about Black men. We can be with whomever we choose, for whatever reasons we value being in a relationship. Last time I checked, no one is in another person's relationship except the two people. So let's focus on ourselves and find happiness in whatever packaging it comes! That's what I want to celebrate.