Thursday, June 17, 2010

"Going Off"





A punch to the face hurts. A punch to the face of a young woman by a man hurts more because it not only hurts the recipient of the punch, but likewise hurts the hearts of any men who to some reasonable extent value women as flowers to be protected. But the punch to the face, beyond how it hurts the recipient and hurts our hearts, is a prime example of the penalty often paid for the widespread phenomenon of “going off”.

The phrase “go off” in this context is derived from the common usage referring to a bomb exploding. We hear folks refer to a bomb “going off”. In much the same way, a person is referred to as “going off” when that person, as a result of anger, offense, discontent, fear, etc., loses control of their emotions and behavior often resulting in irrational and overaggressive behavior. They often become loud, confrontational and volatile. Such behavior has often resulted in detriment not only to the person “going off”, but likewise the people close to them.

A controversial incident occurred more than a year ago in Bellaire, Texas (a suburb of Houston). Robbie Tolan was shot in front of his house after being ordered to the ground under the suspension of auto theft. We know now that he was unarmed and driving his own car, but he ended up with a non-fatal, yet quite detrimental gunshot wound. Why did this happen? It is because his mother came outside and WENT OFF. Her actions resulted in her being pushed against the garage door, which in turn caused Robbie, who was lying on the ground, to react as any young man would when seeing his mother manhandled. He got up to protect his mother. This resulted in a gunshot wound, hospitalization and surgery. Consider that both of his parents came out of the house. Only one WENT OFF and that one was his mother. Her reaction and Robbie’s subsequent reaction served as the officer’s defense in the criminal trial. The officer was acquitted of all charges.





I posted the above video a while ago but it is a strong enough example to show again. This is a very prime example of GOING OFF. This woman went completely off due to taking offense to overhearing someone criticizing her attempts to cut the line. This resulted in the guy who was criticizing her being beaten to a pulp by her 300 pound ex-convict boyfriend and that same boyfriend going back to prison for a rather long time as a result. Nothing productive came out of her GOING OFF. Plenty of negativity came out of it.

Now back to the recent event. A young lady was accosted by a Seattle police officer for jaywalking. As a result, the young lady WENT OFF. Now a reasonable person who is thinking rationally would know that resisting the police almost NEVER accomplishes anything. It doesn’t prevent you from being arrested. It doesn’t prevent you from getting a ticket. It doesn’t prevent you from being shot. If anything, it makes arrest, shooting and ticketing more likely. What this young lady accomplished was making a situation far worse than it should have been and causing a naive friend to take a masculine punch to the face. Now I know that there are those out there who are itching to ask why the young men watching didn’t physically defend the women. Well, this takes me back to the pizza shop video and the incident in Bellaire, Texas. Often when women go off, men suffer the most. Let’s say that one of the young men did go up and begin fighting the police officer. What could have happened? Well, for one, he would have been committing a felony. Second, the risk of being shot instead of punched in the face would have been far greater for him (as was shown in the case of Robbie Tolan). The one guy who did get physically involved did so intelligently by attempting to restrain the young lady who got punched. But this goes to show just how much potential there is for men to suffer due to women GOING OFF.

Now here is the next point. Without a doubt, “going off” is a staple of black women and many actually take pride in this. It’s the notion that sistas don’t take any sh*t. This is a part of what so many black women view as their “strength”. Over aggressiveness, knee-jerk reactions, being confrontational, being argumentative, showing stubbornness, tactlessness and feistiness, etc. are things that many black women pride themselves on. This is what defines the “strong black woman” today. What we are seeing more and more of are black women suffering the consequences of such behavior. The unfortunate McDonald’s incident comes to mind when the teenage girls took repeated punches from a grown man (who I think has yet to be identified). We are seeing more and more black women getting tazered and manhandled by police. I have personally seen groups of police having to team up to arrest an irate black woman.

Such behavior has often put black men at risk due to the traditional desire of men to protect women. Black men have been shot or incarcerated because of defending black girlfriends who have unnecessarily gotten involved in confusion. What we are beginning to see now are black men being less and less likely to defend black women and furthermore, we are seeing the same thing from non-black men. Chivalry is dying everywhere and is practically dead in the black community because many men are tired of defending those who are more than willing to start trouble.

Men are also tired of being on the receiving end of those who “go off”. That is why so many black men are quick to curse women out today. Men often feel the need to save face because it is so common for women to go off on them in public with no consideration of how humiliating that is to men. Many black men are resisting commitment to those who would routinely go off on them during the relationship. Even the best of black men have to walk on eggshells when around their women and these women seem to not understand why men are so resentful of being talked crazy, yet lose respect for these same men when they take being talked crazy to in stride.

18 comments:

Andrew said...

I agree with you man.

Listen they don't want nice guys anymore. That shit is dead. Trust me moving to Florida opened my eyes up. It is better to a "broke nigga' as one of these ignorant women said "to me". Then, to have something for yourself. By the way, the damage rubs off on non black women too.

I asked them "why one of the men you know get you a birthday gift. I just met your ass. She "barks" THEY BROKE". I was like "What that has to do with me". Oh I am not broke! They are not even smart enough to run game on a man anymore.

They have really truly failed.

My barber said "man watch these girls in Orlando, they cheap hos". LOL Bad enough they cheap and low class. When it gets to the point that black women can't use their body as a bargaining chip. It is pretty much over for them.

It is a damn shame that good black women are subjected to sellout black women and hood rats. They get it all "around".

One of the sellout black women I am friends with ask me to get her GPS and dresses (She barely has anything in her apartment)

I said "your white man can't help you". She went on and on about "how she convinced him to stay with her but she don't want a relationship with him.

Bottom line they are going off because the recession got them struggling. Their reputation makes all men "weary" of them.

But they are going to somehow ignore black men, racist white men, Latin men don;t date them or Asian men.

They don't even know how deep the hole they are in.

Right now it is not even a fair fight.

Good post

Julia M. said...

Dear Rocky,
I can't say I agree with you 100%. Yes, there are some women are get in a mans face but not all females do and definitely not all black females do.

So I think it's kind of unfair to stereotype a group based on a small amount of people.

With that being said, I do think these women are out of control. Some ladies would honestly get in a man's face and not expect him to hit her because of this no hitting girls rules. And I agree with the rule and will enforce it one any young boy I know.

Now, In return as a woman I shouldn't push a man to that point. I have a husband and male family members and I personally know their limits but Anonymous Men have limits that I don't know of so why would I push them? Why not just walk away, no one wants the trouble. I do notice that's it's always the white guys they try to get over with.

Men are men and not guy is going to roll over and take your stuff.

As far as Chivalry goes, kill them with kindness. Don't go to their level and forget every moral you was taught.

I've encountered elderly people who were rude and didn't have many nice things to say to me, but that didn't take me out of my character. I still hold the door for them and stand up on trains and buses despite my not so friendly encounters with them. The reason why is because not everyone is like that and I won't block my blessings by retaliating against every elderly person as a whole.

What I'm saying is for black men (since we are talking about them) to continue to be gentlemen , if they are one and was taught to be one.Don't allow any female to pull you outside of that.

Rather she be black ,white ,Asian, or Latina because any female can be bitchy (excuse my language) and get into a man's face.

-Julia McDaniels

Anonymous said...

Its interesting that in the video, there is a young black man trying to pull the black woman in the pink shirt away from the altercation taking place. The brother knows the deal. She refuses and gets punched in the face. Now obviously the black man is at fault. I cant think how, but somewhere he is.

Kigali

Menelik Charles said...

Rocky said:

“going off” is a staple of black women and many actually take pride in this. It’s the notion that sistas don’t take any sh*t. This is a part of what so many black women view as their “strength” e.g. over aggressiveness, knee-jerk reactions, being confrontational, being argumentative, stubbornness, tactlessness and feistiness, are things that many black women pride themselves on.

This is what defines the “strong black woman” today.

Julia M replied:

Dear Rocky,

I can't say I agree with you 100%. Yes, there are some women who get in a man's face but... definitely not all black females do.

So I think it's kind of unfair to stereotype a group based on a small amount of people.

Menelik replies:

and I guess your response goes down as as one of those "knee-jerk reactions" since Bro Rocky referred to a range of behaviours and personality traits so common to African-American women. There was never any reference to "all Black women" only "many Black women"!

Menelik Charles
London England

Rocky said...

Exactly Bro Menelik

That is why is consciously use the word "many". Even if I didn't, I think that it is reasonable to conclude that when folks make reference to trends common to certain groups, they are not talking about every individual in the group.

Kigali said...

Speaks for itself really...

Its funny because black women now claim that they have to be aggressive and boisterous because of the deficits of black men. They essentially had to step in where black men fell off. Funny, considering that black men and black children are the primary victims of these duties put upon them.

http://www.youtube.com/user/SpeakDaRealTV3#p/u/1/8CwX4HJ0dKU

I wont even post that video from the Oakland salon beating. That really brings tears to my eyes.

Julia M. said...

Dear Menelik Charles,
" “going off” is a staple of black women and many actually take pride in this. It’s the notion that sistas don’t take any sh*t. "
My response was to the part of "...is a staples of black women". Now, when I read that I think all black women since he didn't insert the word some.

Maybe my interpretation is wrong but when you write the word black women I assume you mean all and of that collective, many take pride as he stated.

He didn't state the some black females go off and of that group, many take pride in it.

Which is why I replied the way I did. I do apologize because I didn't get a chance to break up the post and give a response to specific parts.

"and I guess your response goes down as as one of those "knee-jerk reactions" since Bro Rocky referred to a range of behaviours and personality traits so common to African-American women. There was never any reference to "all Black women" only "many Black women"!"

I just don't like to be stereotyped and if you want to write about black women I ask that you insert the word some, not many or just black women. The reason why I ask that is because I assume that you are talking about all black women and then I feel insulted because not all of us are like that and I hate to be labeled this or that because some are like that.

It's even more frustrating when these are sometimes the same anal people who get offend when you don't differentiate between all and some, not saying that Rocky is.

-Julia McDaniels

P.S. - Rocky, not everyone will think that you are not talking about everyone in one group. When I read a post, I don't conclude that "oh no they mean some". What you write is what you mean. Don't take the chance of thinking people might get what you're saying because I personally don't.

Julia M. said...

Dear Kigali,

Thank you for the link!

I didn't they were out there but we have now officially found the Male Versions of Evia , it's a cold day in hell. The videos are pathetic. I never knew how desperate some (I emphasize on the word some ) black people (both men and women) can be.

I always tell people to love who they want but don't bash anyone to justify that love. The YouTube accounts from all parties are immature and a waste of time.

They speak of certain people that they have dated (most of the time) and go on and on about how they are this and the race or sex is that way and it's like grow up will you! Maybe it's your fault why your attracted to those people, don't act like your innocent.

Have better taste in women/men and you won't feel the need to whine and complain.

I really do dislike people like them but what I absolutely hate is that they can't state that everyone is not like that. It's always a war on the whole group for a few people and that's unfair to me because I'm not like that so don't go posting videos acting like ALL black females are like that.
They never state some or a few they just use "black women" and in my opinion what you're saying applies to anyone and everyone of that group.

Sorry for the rant, I just get sick of these people. It's like love yourself and move on. If you're interested in white girls/boys, so be it but don't go and try to step on other people to get them.

It's like a little kid in class trying to knock all the other kids out the way so they can jump up and down in front of the teachers face. These are the same little kids that don't realize, no one likes a loud mouth bully who steps on other people.

Yeah, I saw that video on the Oakland Salon beating. It's pathetic honestly and they should throw the ladies under the jail, them and the boyfriend that set it. They are fools for going there and he's a fool for trying to hurt his ex like that. I guess he had a tiny bit of respect since he didn't do it himself but setting it up is just as bad.

Those three empty heads need their butts beat.

-Julia McDaniels

Anonymous said...

@JuliaM

I think you should be happy that you are even allowed to post your comments. At the other sites you would get blocked or called names. The brothers here have been positively polite to you, open, and willing to listen to your prospective.

Now Khadipshit has stated that the ambivalence to the Dunbar atrocity (yes she does refer to it as an atrocity) means that it is likely going to come to a black community near you so you better leave and take your daughters with you. Did she make those same comments about the Oakland salon beating? These "women" captured it on tape. Held her hostage, kicked her in her face, watched, taped it, and she wasnt even defending herself. They could have killed her too. Blunt force trauma. They felt there was something justifiable about their acts.

It seems like when a black woman goes off, everyone is supposed to kinda understand and be sympathetic. Meanwhile those "women" served NO time in jail for kidnap, hostage taking, felony assault verging on attempted murder. THey never talk about how devalued a black woman's life is when it is being threatened by other black women.

Kigali

Julia M. said...

I'll be M.I.A. for the next couple of days so I just wanted to wish all of the Fathers, Uncles, God-Fathers and Grand Fathers (I don't think any of us here are that old) a Happy Father's Day!

I hope you enjoy it and do something special with your loved ones!!

-Julia McDaniels

Menelik Charles said...

Julia M said:

I just don't like to be stereotyped and if you want to write about black women I ask that you insert the word some, not many or just black women.

Menelik replies:

would you like me to drag up a whole post in which you never inserted the words some or many in reference to comments made by Black men? Really, Mrs M, I think you feign concerns so as to keep your opinions central to whatever debate is taking place! Remember the "Gina Torres isn't Black" nonsense?

Julia M said:

The reason I ask is because I assume you are talking about all black women and then I feel insulted...

Menelik replies:

there'
s simply not a cat in hell's chance of you assuming or believing Bro Rocky would resort to such methods in order so as to address behaviours or attitudes amongst our people. Stop tormenting yourself, woman!

Menelik Charles
London England

Julia M. said...

Dear Menelik Charles,

If I did indeed do that, call me out and I will gladly apologize. I don't like it to be done to me and in return I try my hardest not to do it to other people. If I recall, I apologized/called out my mistakes since people clearly weren't seeing my post the way I anticipated them too.

He wouldn't? I don't know Rocky like that. From the looks of his previous blog entries ,some might assume a lot of things about him. As I told Rocky, what you write is what you mean.

I don't know him personally and I shouldn't have too in order to understand his post.

Your taking this too personally Mr. Charles, Rocky wrote the post and I directed my comment towards him. He should be the one to explain what he means and what he doesn't since at the end of the day he is the one writing the blogs. I stated what I had to say and Rocky can take my advice or not.

Anyways, I'm going on an hiatus. So I'll "see you when I see you". I hope you all have a nice summer though, head out and enjoy the good weather!

-Julia McDaniels

tspoon said...

Fair commentary in the O.P

I'm not black, but noticed the same tendencies in women where I live. Women I've been with in the past were often aggressive in public places, but the burden of protecting her from any repercussions was mine. I'm not a particularly big or strong guy.
The question I had (then and now) is : If I am required to underwrite her safety with mine, am I therefore correct and justified to have certain expectations with regard to her behaviour, just as would any other entity underwriting a risk?
I think so, but inevitably the answer received was different...

Julia M. said...

Dear TSpoon,

"If I am required to underwrite her safety with mine, am I therefore correct and justified to have certain expectations with regard to her behaviour, just as would any other entity underwriting a risk?"

I originally planned to go on "hiatus" but your comment was one I felt the need to answer.

You are correct, it's unfair for a man to have to protect or defend a woman when she is in the wrong. Especially when she constantly provokes people but then expects the man to literally take the punches for her. I do think that men should defend their women but in return as a woman, I shouldn't constantly but him in situations where he has to get into physical or verbal altercations with people because of my loud mouth and inability to let things go.

The same applies to the overall concept of Rocky's post. I do believe that some females provoke men and other individuals but expect no kind of retaliation. They often use the "I'm a woman" card or other defenses to try to justify their actions instead of taking responsibility for their immaturity and overall ignorance.

-Julia McDaniels

Menelik Charles said...

Julia M said:

Dear Rocky,

I can't say I agree with you 100%. Yes, there are some women who get in a man's face but... definitely not all black females do. So I think it's unfair to stereotype a group based on a small amount of people.


Menelik replies:

would you like me to drag up a whole post in which you never inserted the words 'some' or 'many' in reference to comments made about Black men? Really, Mrs M, I think you feign concerns so as to keep your opinions central to whatever debate is taking place!

Julia M replied:

your taking this too personally Mr. Charles. Rocky wrote the post, and I directed my comment towards him. He should be the one to explain what he meant since he is the one writing the blog.

Menelik replied

Mrs M, you were the one who took offence i.e. took it "personally", remember? Remember also that you did NOT ask Bro Rocky for an explanation since you had come here specifically to 'voice' your displeasure at what he wrote!

Menelik Charles
London England

Rashida said...

Hey Rocky et al!

This is a part of what so many black women view as their “strength” e.g. over aggressiveness, knee-jerk reactions, being confrontational, being argumentative, stubbornness, tactlessness and feistiness, are things that many black women pride themselves on.

Don't forget that black women love to be martyrs falling on their swords when "other" people are watching which usually results in blaming someone else (black men or white women)for their often manly and tactless behavior. But when it's just "us" black women tend to admit that it's just "how we are" and "in our DNA".

I have seen this switch-up many times and the BW empowerment bloggers do it all the time. One minute BW are strong because it's who we are but the minute white folks point a camera at them it's a reluctant strength due to the lack of manhood and protection from black men.

Anonymous said...

@Rashia

I notice the hypocrisy too. Thats why I tend to roll my eyes when I hear black women talking about their strength. That usually means that she is about to "get up in my face" for one reason or another. Their strength is rarely used for problem solving but for problem making.

Kigali

CPT Callamity said...

I'll tell you what...this reads exactly the way I had to break it down for a woman this past holiday weekend. She tried to say that the cop was wrong for punching her and that he could've subdued the young lady in another manner? I laughed and said "how?" Tazed? Beat with a stick? Maced? All non-lethal, but the fist was appropriate because he had to diffuse two situations that shouldn't have been situations in the first place. My acquaintance reveled in her own arrogance and applauded her own sassiness displayed to a police officer who "spoke to her like he was her father" and therefore found herself with a court appearance on points on her license.

I'm not going to wish physical harm on some of these women, but they need to tone it down. The behavior they are afforded to get away with as a woman is the very behavior that could get a black man killed in seconds. The fact that they are afforded a delayed consequence further fuels this sassy behavior, but ya know what...can't tell em nothin. The fact my acquaintance countered everything I said, even though she knew she was wrong, was evidence enough. That little girl caught a punch to the face, but guess what? She chilled out and I bet she'll never put her hands on an armed officer, whether black or white, in defense of her dumb ass friend again.