Tuesday, May 5, 2009

"I've Lost So Much Respect For Him"

Rick and Eleanor Hemmert









Last night’s ABC World News Tonight featured an interesting story entitled “Male Nurses, Stay-at-Home Dads: New Norm?”. The story involved comments from various couples discussing situations whereas husbands were laid off during these troubling economic times. One wife encouraged her husband to look into nursing being that he had previous health experience under his belt. Others accepted the reversal of gender roles with their husbands now becoming ‘stay-at-home dads’. But one reaction had a certain harshness to it.

In response to her husband being laid off and her becoming the main breadwinner, Eleanor Hemmert (pictured above) said “I don’t want to see him in an apron.” “I wish I could say something different, but I’ve lost so much respect for him”.

As far as I’m concerned, she never had respect for him based on the fact that she would go on national television and make such a statement. It really goes to show something that has been stated in the past; that being that quite commonly (not always) in interracial relationships between black women and white men, the men are passive while the women are aggressive. Of course, this is not always the case, but I see a trend and the desire for a passive man as well as the almost masochistic desire for an aggressive woman who lacks tact is what often draws such couples together. We’ve seen such an example on the various Wife Swap episodes. Black men seem far less likely to yield to such female aggression.

This also gives some clarity into the basis behind the whole “gold digger” stereotype that has been assigned to black women in general. Various other articles about these two have indicated severe strain on the marriage. Yes, he continues to search for a job, yet his lack of a job due to the massive layoffs during this recession is the source of a significant degree of added lack of respect she now has for her husband. It’s unfortunate because quite often, men who are out of work due to being trifling are treated quite well by the black woman they are with, yet hard working responsible men who are down on their luck due to unforeseen circumstances are quite often treated like dogs.


This is no slight toward IR relationships. My point is that many black women who are in such relationships with white men should stop making it out to be because there are no good black men, but rather because there are more white men out there that they can get away with disrespecting.

30 comments:

RainaHavock said...

Ouch that's harsh.

Anonymous said...

Keep revealing the truth, man. Counter all that negative anti-black man garbage out there. Especialy on them IR bw/wm garbage sites.

Sonia Martinelli Da Silva said...

Mind your own business. Why is the black female/white male relationship driving many of you insane?
You and your cronies just cannot accept that a black woman and a white man can love each other and make it together.
Why does it hurt you so much?
Me thinks you are just plain jealous.
Please get over your psychosis !

Andrew said...

What's happening.

Man I missed that wow!

You know I can't resist writing about this too.

(Shaking my head)

Aw man lol HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Anonymous said...

@Sonia
mind my own business? check them bw/wm interracial blogs and see how they disparage the black man. Bout he's a damage beyond repair low down this and that. Keep black men out of your nastiness and it wont be our business. What you got for a bm to be jealous of? A white dude losing his job and his black wife saying she lost respect for him because of a situation he has no control over? Manhating, money-worshiping, satan!

Anonymous said...

the media loves to do this, ofcourse they had to choose the f*cked bw/wm couples because ofcourse bw are incapable wives/mates and no matter who she's with, she finds a way to tear them down...please, if there is any woman who knows how to deal with a man who is out of the job, its black women, come on now. we've dealth with that stuff forever and ever, give us a break with that crap all over tv... foolishness, and also i know plenty of dominant and masculine white men who wear the pants in the relationship w/ their black woman...

Anonymous said...

Bro Rocky,

that stuff on S's blog we discussed the other day has cropped up again.

On her latest blog certain comments are made. Its something to do with Twitter for sure!

Just read the stuff in the box...you can't miss it.

Menelik Charles
London England

CPT Callamity said...

Man...I said Whew! at the last couple of paragraphs. Shots fired!

Siditty said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Siditty said...

that being that quite commonly (not always) in interracial relationships between black women and white men, the men are passive while the women are aggressive.

I guess my husband is part black. He is more of the aggressive one in our relationship. Generalizations abound. I guess white women offer love, understanding, and compassion, which is why the majority of IR between black men and white women are so positive right? I've known many an aggressive white women in my time who bossed around their black significant others.

I guess she is a gold digger because she is still with him. I know many a black men married or with black women who make more than them? Are they gold diggers? I know many a white women I went to college with who got the Mrs. Degree. Their purpose of education was to meet a college educated man who could land a good job. I guess in your mind white women can't be gold diggers, but I do notice in many an IR relationship a white woman usually finds a man attractive only if he has "made it". When they are down and out they are willing to "settle" with a black woman, when they raise up, they get the white women with nothing to many and love, as she is worthy of a man to take care of her, when if a black woman desires a man to take care of her, she is a gold digger. My husband was a broke college student when I met him. I made a whole few thousand more dollars per year than him (I was a broke college student too), but now he makes significantly more than me, was I gold digging, plotting to get my hands on all his "vast wealth" which at the time was a stereo system in his car and a playstation?

I've never said there are no good black men out there. The problem is the good black men I knew were already taken or didn't give me the time of day, and the few that did take notice only did so when they saw a white man pursuing me.


Oh I have a blog that discusses IR, but I don't have to disparage black men to justify why I am with a white one. If you can find a happy life with a white woman so be it, but why must you insult those of us who don't have jack to do with you?

Truth B. Told said...
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Truth B. Told said...

Oh I have a blog that discusses IR, but I don't have to disparage black men to justify why I am with a white one.

I am a follower of your blog and I commend you on the way you handle yourself. It is the antithesis of what Evia, Sara, et al. are trying to do. You seem to love your man for WHO HE IS and not WHAT HE IS or more appropriately WHAT HE IS NOT.

If you can find a happy life with a white woman so be it, but why must you insult those of us who don't have jack to do with you?

FWIW, Rocky (this blog's author) has said he is with a Black woman.

As for you question, we ask the same of those IR blogs who make it a habit to bash Black men when they really should be focusing on BW/Non-black men if that is what they truly want.

Rocky said...

I guess my husband is part black. He is more of the aggressive one in our relationship.

And I figured that saying "this is not always the case" and "not always" would be futile and that someone would argue the point by citing alleged individual examples. But I tried.

Generalizations abound. I guess white women offer love, understanding, and compassion, which is why the majority of IR between black men and white women are so positive right?.

And how does this strawman change what we see in this instance or change what we saw when the one white man Tiffany "New York" Pollard chose was the very one she could make her "bitch" or the black woman on Wife Swap who had her white husband wait on her hand and foot or when you cursed your husband out for simply expressing his opinion on a subject related to race.

I've known many an aggressive white women in my time who bossed around their black significant others.

Well I've known none, so we cancel each other out.

I guess she is a gold digger because she is still with him.

Huh?

I know many a black men married or with black women who make more than them? Are they gold diggers?.

Did any of them disrespect their mate in public when they were down on their financial luck?

I know many a white women I went to college with who got the Mrs. Degree. Their purpose of education was to meet a college educated man who could land a good job. I guess in your mind white women can't be gold diggers, but I do notice in many an IR relationship a white woman usually finds a man attractive only if he has "made it".

Do they disrespect their men in public when they are down on their financial luck?

When they are down and out they are willing to "settle" with a black woman, when they raise up, they get the white women with nothing to many and love, as she is worthy of a man to take care of her,

Huh?

when if a black woman desires a man to take care of her, she is a gold digger.

Wrong. I stated that this gives clarity to the BASIS behind the stereotype, not that it is any proof of it. The key is BLATANCY. There is a greater tendency for black women, in my opinion, to demand as opposed to motivate (or inspire). This blatancy give the perception of a greater tendency toward gold digging, even if it is not true. The ugly response of this woman to her husband's recent misfortunes compared to the other women's responses is quite telling.

My husband was a broke college student when I met him. I made a whole few thousand more dollars per year than him (I was a broke college student too), but now he makes significantly more than me, was I gold digging, plotting to get my hands on all his "vast wealth" which at the time was a stereo system in his car and a playstation?.

I don't know you. Why do you and so many others bring alleged personal experiences into a debate as if your experiences define all.

I've never said there are no good black men out there. The problem is the good black men I knew were already taken or didn't give me the time of day, and the few that did take notice only did so when they saw a white man pursuing me.

And this has to do with how this woman treated her husband how? When did I ever tell you that you should not be with your husband?

Oh I have a blog that discusses IR, but I don't have to disparage black men to justify why I am with a white one.

And I admire that. I have never criticized you. But folks like Grata and LorMarie have made it a second home and I don't think that you go to their blogs and criticize them.

My blog is a response to things I read over and over from so called "black female empowerment bloggers" and "black female interracial bloggers". Responses directly on their blogs resulted in censorship and requests to start my own blog. So I took their advice.

If you can find a happy life with a white woman so be it, but why must you insult those of us who don't have jack to do with you?.

Since my wife is black, this statement is moot.

Anonymous said...

maybe some black women just like white men did that ever occur to you? maybe black men have nothing to do with it.

Yanmommasaid said...

Rocky,

You are really stretching with this post. And you know as well as I do that your caveat of "this is not always the case" is pretty much meaningless. The IR evangelicals make statements about not all black men being DBR all the time, but that's never stopped you from interpreting their comments as sweeping condemnations of ALL black men.

And I hope you are not seriously using carefully cast and edited reality tv shows as any measure of true reality. Wife Swap has never once shown any normal couple because normal is not exciting and it has depicted many a white ball-busting wife.

Stop pathologizing all relationships between black women and white men just because you have a bone to pick with some IRR bloggers.

Yanmommasaid said...

I forgot to add:

Tiffany Pollard is to everyday black women what Flavor Flav is to everyday black men.

Anonymous said...

Counter all that negative talk about black men. showcase the positive black man in his community with some links like these: http://www.100blackmen.org/

Anonymous said...

@ bro Rocky,

I cannot for the life of me think why Siddity is responding to this post, can you?

Menelik Charles
London

Anonymous said...

Siddity said:

"I've never said there are no good black men out there. The problem is the good black men I knew were already taken or didn't give me the time of day..."

Menelik says:

Siddity, darling, I am an avid reader of your past posts and you and I both know that you were never, ever interested in "good", bad or indifferent Black men!

Fact is you never pursued a Black man (as far as women can pursue a man), was particularly interested in a Black man or even so much as kissed a Black man!

You simply are not attracted to Black men in any sexual or romantic way, babe. I know why this is (even if you don't) but let's not resort to lies in order to gain the moral high ground over an 'uppity' opponent.

I mean, you're begining to sound like a...well, I'll leave it to your imagination to gues what you're starting to sound like!

Peace

Menelik Charles
London England

Anonymous said...

Yonmommasaid:

"Stop pathologizing all relationships between black women and white men just because you have a bone to pick with some IRR bloggers".

Menelik said:

I hope you've got a man to go with that cheek of yours! If anyone is pathologising relationships between the sexes its the IR crew pathologising those between Black men and women!

Have you ever called them out on this? If you have, then will you copy and paste an ocasion when you have?

Or have you merely stayed silent while your brothers, sons, nephews, cousins, uncles etc were racially demonised while white men were held up as the epitome manhood?

Please tell, and show, me a single ocasion when you have called out the likes of Evia, Sara, Halima and Madame Bushido on their mass cull of Black males on the alter of white male supremacy?

The primary reason Rocky used the example of the NBC sister (I am assuming here) was because such Black women always kid themselves that the grass is greener etc but when it is not, they revert to type.

Unfortunately, it is a type of Black women we are all familiar with...even if we are not prepared to admit as much.

Thank you

Menelik Charles
London England

Yanmommasaid said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Yanmommasaid said...

Reposted to correct links

Menelik,

I hope you've got a man to go with that cheek of yours! If anyone is pathologising relationships between the sexes its the IR crew pathologising those between Black men and women!And herein lies the crux of the problem:
1. Your very odd fascination with the personal relationships of women you don't even know.
2. Your confusing every bw who is/has/ever will be with a wm as being part of the "IR Crew" or being on some anti-black man crusade.

You must be rather new to the scene, if not, perhaps you'd know I'm the one who coined the term "IR Evangelical" and prior to that had been called a mammy and a black male protectionist for not going along with the gospel.

Just for you, I'm going to open my blog for the day. You asked for one comment, I'll do you 5 better:
YanMAMMYsaid: How I became a "mammy"
Sample Personal Ad for Anti-BM BW
Do you even know how crazy you really are? Or: How to tell you're in a cult"
The Ugly Truth
Open letter to the Evangelicals: Help Yourselves
Kool-aid Krazy Klues Lesson #1"
Read them and realize that there are LOTS of black women bloggers who are with/have been with white men, but don't think white men are gods, and aren't running around with an axe to grind against black men.

Truth B. Told said...

Read them and realize that there are LOTS of black women bloggers who are with/have been with white men, but don't think white men are gods, and aren't running around with an axe to grind against black men.

So true, I do believe that should be acknowledge. Yanmomma and Siddity are not Evia and Sara. Miles and miles away.

Anonymous said...

Interracial mating is simply abominable. I've never seen the other animals of the Earth involve in interracial mating. lol. I've never seen a mountain lion mate with a lynx, or a tiger mating with a leopard. Do any of you know of this? (Only immoral men abusing modern science, bring these animals together to artificially crossbreed them) They are all cats, but different family of cats. They know their boundaries and they don't cross it. But the sinful humans have to cross the line every time. In the garden of eden Adam & Eve broke the rule and ate the apple.. and TODAY homosexual marriage is now taking place in the church!.. Soon, we may have wedding between man and dog! Now we have black feminist separatist movements (eg. blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com) of women behaving as if a female is a race unto herself and she should separate herself from the man of her race and pursue mating relations with men from other family of races. They hate the black male child from their own womb! The same black men from whom they also came. They talk about "What would it be like if black men were extinct" and "Not helping any black boy" etc etc and pat each other on the back and encourage all other black women to DIVEST themselves of the black male. Woman, woman, woman. Oh wretched Delilah, you have lost your HUMANITY. Your works were foretold in the coming age of the APOCALYPSE. I fear you not, for you and your madness shall come to pass. And I, shall still be here.

Rocky said...

You must be rather new to the scene

I could make the same statement about you based on your statement:

The IR evangelicals make statements about not all black men being DBR all the time, but that's never stopped you from interpreting their comments as sweeping condemnations of ALL black men.

Now please cite one instance where I have interpreted any such comments in such way. You quite simply made up something about me.

I never respond with "not all black men are like that" nor do I hardly cite my individual personal experiences to disprove a statement about the overall group. I dispute statements that make give specific quantities, such as when folks say "most black men" (which implies more than half). I also point out how so many statements such women make about black men are unsubstantiated. I don't deny the over representation of black men in certain negative behavior, but I do call out hypocrisy. When a black woman brings up the black male prison population, she should be prepared to hear about the proportion of black females among the female prison population. When they bring up the intimate homicide rate of black women, they need to be prepared for the intimate homicide rate of black men. I can go on. I will let you know when you are throwing stones in a glass house.

Rocky said...

Tiffany Pollard is to everyday black women what Flavor Flav is to everyday black men.

I'm not limiting this to just people on television, but it is those people who you and I are both familiar with. I can cite examples that I have witnessed personally, but tend to avoid doing this since I can't verify these observations.

And I am familiar with you Yan. You are not a black male basher and you have criticized those IR bloggers. I think that you have to understand that often times, in order to expose hypocrisy, one must point out a groups negatives. My purpose is not to bash black women, but rather to show that pathology is shared by both black men and black women and gender separation is not only not a solution, it is a silly fantasy. I have never understood the notion of black women running from the black community when black women make up more than half the black community. Individuals can get on the "Ark", but not an entire gender.

Anonymous said...

Menelik said:

I hope you've got a man to go with that cheek of yours! If anyone is pathologising relationships between the sexes its the IR crew pathologising those between Black men and women!

Have you ever called them out on this? If you have, then will you copy and paste an ocasion when you have?

Yanmommasaid:

You must be rather new to the scene, if not, perhaps you'd know I'm the one who coined the term "IR Evangelical" and prior to that had been called a mammy and a black male protectionist for not going along with the gospel.

Menelik replies:

thank you for answering my questions. And questions they were, make no mistake!

Menelik wrote:

If anyone is pathologising relationships between the sexes its the IR crew pathologising those between Black men and women!

Menelik adds:

Please note that I did not say or suggest that you or Siddity were a part of the IR crew! I asked if you had called THEM out on bashing Black men!

Yanmommasaid:

And herein lies the crux of the problem:

1. Your very odd fascination with the personal relationships of women you don't even know.


Menelik replies:

Is this statement based on me saying: I hope you've got a man to go with that cheek of yours?

I'm not sure what would constitute an "odd fascination" here. Please enighten me.

Still, I have got a background in psychology but that might constitute an academic fascination rather than an "odd" one.

Menelik Charles
London England

Ps when you're ready, Siddity!

Anonymous said...

Check out this YouTube channel and the background pic with the KKK, posted by a black woman in an interracial relationship:

http://www.youtube.com/user/BLACKMENAREFAILINGUS

BLACK BRIDES OF THE KU KLUX KLAN. The black woman with her white man who did this is thinking what? "Yes down low black men, you can even call me a racist KKK member if you want!" Is that what she saying? Scroll to the bottom of the page to get a better view.

THE BLACK WOMAN HAS BECOME THE NEW FACE OF BIGOTRY AGAINST THE BLACK MAN! Yes sir! The Apocalypse is upon us!

Anonymous said...

Your BW/WM interracial dating/marriage evangelist blogging enemies are way ahead of you in terms of output.

It's been a whole month. Where are you my man?

Anonymous said...

Racial issues interest me, so I read Sara's blog. She chewed me out because I complained about her narrow-mindedness. Derogatory remarks about black men made by white-male-worshiping black women only create more problems for minority men. It's one thing to discuss their interracial relationship, but it's very damaging when some of them show contempt for an entire race of men. Feminist-minded, anti-male Amazonians are what some of these women are. I am Asian, and she didn't want Asians there. Her site is racist and anti-male. People should realize that race does not determine happiness. Happy couples can be the same race or different races. For now, I'm staying out of that KKK gathering and reading here. ha ha ha