With all of the discussion on divorce, I found the following article quite interesting:
Why Marriages Between Black Men and White Women Fail
March 09, 2007 by
Christy Harrell
You, Me and Big Mama?
If you are a white woman seeking a black man, make sure his mama is out of the picture first! Our culture does not prepare us for what lies ahead. I have fourteen years of experience to back up what I am about to share with you.
A white woman has no chance of ever playing an equal role to that of a black man's mama. This is a fact! Mama has an insurance policy built into her boy. He is 100% insured by Mama's Boy Indemnity Co.
You see, the black woman, she is real smart! She wants her boy around for life. She has invested eighteen years or more pampering this boy, building up his ego, and brain washing him to be at her beck and call. She will not have another woman getting in the way of this relationship. After all, at some point in her life, she will be all alone. When this time comes she has insured that her son will come to her rescue.
But beware ladies! That black man is real smart too, to a degree. He'll make you feel like you're the only woman in his life. He'll buy you flowers, treat you with diamonds. He can be so romantic, and the world knows his business in bed is, well you know. He'll keep you tantalized just long enough to have you wedded to him; all while keeping mama at bay. You see at this point he thinks he can have the crab cake and eat it too!
But ladies, let me assure you, the only good black man is the black man whose mama is non-existent, and you better have a private investigator verify this fact. There is no turning back once you have married this man. If his mama is in his life, she will move in on yours!
Her first visit will be a short visit. You won't notice anything at this point. Something stated negatively you'll just brush off as a cultural difference. Duh! The following year she visits for two weeks, the year after that, three, and before you know it, she will be living with you two months out of the year, every year.
When you finally get fed up with her coming into your home and running it, you will ask your hubby to say something. And when he refuses, you'll resort to back-up. After a few hours of marriage counseling and the counselor in your corner, your hubby will finally agree to have this discussion with his mama.
It isn't until several years later, after wading through excuse after excuse, you face the fact that your hubby never intended to confront his mother at all. You have finally come to the realization that your husband is, afterall, Mama's boy! He ain't gonna ask his Mama to do anything in your favor. You are out of your mind if you think he'll put anyone before his Mama!
Eventually you will become fed up of playing second fiddle to your mother-in-law and in the end Mama will win. She will always be first in her son's life. Unfortunately, your hubby will lose. You will walk away, and hubby will scratch his head.
The saddest point to this comical story is that your poor hubby, excuse me, ex-hubby, won't ever understand what happened. He was brainwashed to put his mama on a pedestal early in life, so spoiled by his mama into believing that he is perfect, that naturally he will assume there is something wrong with you for leaving him.
On the bright side, you will be the wiser and much happier for it. After all, you won't be catering to mama anymore!
After reading this, I thought of Jonnetta Patton, Gloria James and Donda West. Historically, black men have very close relationships with their mothers and very often, such mothers can be hell on their son's girlfriends and wives. Jennetta Patton (Usher's mother) is a good example.
Often times, black women are compared to Italian women in that both are very vocal and aggressive and in Italy, the divorce rate is soaring. What is considered the main reason? Mothers-in-law.
Mothers-in-Law Cause of Italy’s Soaring Divorce Rate
February 3, 2007
Italy has been experiencing an unprecedented rise in marriage break-ups. The main cause bearing a high proportion of the blame? Mamma’s boys and interfering mothers-in-law.
A new poll by research institute Eures reveals that divorce happens every four minutes(!) in the country once regarded as a bastion of marriage. In 2002, Italy recorded 50,828 divorces - a 45 percent increase from 2000. While some reasons for divorce seem to be marrying too young, squabbling over money and meeting new partners, a shocking three out of 10 marriages fail because of the unusually close attachment of Italian men to their mothers.
A real life “Everybody Loves Raymond”, mothers-in-law who live in the same house or nearby, are putting strains on couple’s relationship by meddling in their affairs, finding fault with her daughter-in-law and of course, treating her grown-up son as a child.
Psychologist Dr. Annamaria Cassanese says she sees many disillusioned daughters-in-law at her practice in Milan. “In Italy there still exists a sort of mother love that is excessive,” said Cassanes. “It is a very Latin thing, deeply embedded in our social structure. For example, you will see mothers crying at the weddings of their sons, but they are not crying for joy, they are crying because they feel devastated. Their son has chosen another woman and it arouses very complex feelings, including jealousy.”
Cassanese points out two different types of extreme Italian mothers-in-law. One refuses to give in to ageing and sees her daughter-in-law as a rival; the other has dedicated her life to her family and expects payback, well, for life. The latter type of mother-in-law starts creeping in by offering to do chores such as cooking, ironing and babysitting. “This can often be the beginning of an invasion, in which the mother-in-law slowly takes over and undermines the woman in her own home,” she says. “What starts out being portrayed as something that is helpful degenerates into outright intrusion such as going into drawers and pulling out shirts that are not ironed ‘her way’ or monopolizing the kitchen. Wives feel like strangers in their own homes because the mother-in-law is always there.”
The fact that many Italian parents help out their children financially by buying them apartments or cars doesn’t help either, adds Dr. Cassanese. The so-called generosity causes the mother-in-law to expect something in return. Cassanese claims that many couples still obey invitations to eat with their parents three or four times a week.
According to Dr. Cassanese, the concept of mammoni - sons who cling to apron strings - is well known in Italy and it is not uncommon for men in their 30’s and 40’s to live with their parents. The reasons are partly economic but also come about because boys are indulged well into adulthood causing Italian men who remain close to their mothers to become emotionally immature. “The husband is used to being adored and when he doesn’t get that unconditional love from his wife, he goes running back to his mother.”
This phenomenon is being seen in other parts of the world.
KUALA LUMPUR: Every married person knows it, but a local study has confirmed it – mothers-in-law are the chief cause of divorces, especially in the Indian community.
Data in the Malaysia Community and Family Study 2004 by the National Population and Family Development Board (LPPKN) revealed that “meddlesome in-laws” is the number one reason why Indian couples get divorced.
It is also among the top three factors for divorce among the Malays and Chinese. The other two factors are incompatibility (42.3%) and infidelity (12%).
“Interference by in-laws is the main reason for Indians to divorce. It is the top-ranked reason at 30%,” said LPPKN director-general Datuk Aminah Abdul Rahman when presenting a paper on Malaysia’s family profile and its effects at Institut Kefahaman Islam Malaysia yesterday.
Infidelity is the marriage breaker among the Malays and Indians but it is tolerated among the Chinese.
“Among Malays, the second most common reason is infidelity and refusal to put up with polygamy,” she said.
“Among the Indians, infidelity is the second highest ranked reason for divorce at 25%,” she said.
However, the Chinese considered infidelity as the least crucial reason for a divorce.
Cheating was at the bottom along with health and gambling addiction at 4.2%.
Surprisingly, abuse is not a reason for divorce among the Malays and Chinese, but is a reason among Indians at 5%.
“Another overall reason which ranked high among the three races at 11.5% is ‘not being responsible’,” she said.
Although it is common perception that the family institution is quite fragile and divorces are rampant, data shows otherwise - only 0.7% of the population was divorced in 2000.
The data shows that divorce is more likely to happen to those under 25 and above 40.
Meanwhile, Women, Family and Community Development Minister Datuk Seri Shahrizat Abdul Jalil said that more Malaysian women were choosing to marry later in life and it could cause a reduction in fertility rate and an ageing society.
“The National Family Policy and its action plan will address this issue of late marriages,” she said.
The policy would be presented to the Cabinet soon.
Even back in the 40s, mothers-in-law seemed to be a possibly important factor in divorces.
So that brings to question whether black men's mothers contribute significantly to the high divorce rate in marriages involving black men. Black women are often quite aggressive in their desire to run the show and can be immensely possessive. Few women can give a daughter-in-law hell like a black woman. Let that daughter-in-law be white and the animosity increases considerably. The first article's writer sees her ex-husbands mother as the main reason for their divorce and views his mother's interference as something far less common or intense with white mothers. Food for thought.
101 comments:
'Love your thoughts, so important'. Thanks Rocky for this insightful post.
Thanks Cory.
Always blaming black women right?
White girl and black boy break up, oh it's mommas fault!
No it's his! Whats you obsession with white women and black men?
If he is a mommas boy and lets her take control. It's his fault! Your mother can only get so close. If the dude is a punk and doesn't want to get off of his mother titty, than he doesnt need to be married. Stop blaming mothers for being MOTHERS! If she didn't worry and her son end up with someone horrible person you would say that she was a bad mother.
Who gives two shits about what the white girl feels. She divorced him and clearly he didn't care two shits about her to try to work it out. Black or white, mothers will be possessive, if you can't take the heat stay out of the kitchen.
Mommas boys come in all colors. If it was a white boy and black girl you would say he just didnt want her and their family disapproved but when its a black man and white girl , the black woman is to blame?
If he is a mommas boy and lets her take control. It's his fault! Your mother can only get so close. If the dude is a punk and doesn't want to get off of his mother titty, than he doesnt need to be married. Stop blaming mothers for being MOTHERS!
This is like saying stop blaming for men for being MEN when they fool around. Just like you say all mothers will be possessive, one can say that all men desire other women.
The key is magnitude. While one mother may be possessive, another mother may be doubly possessive. That is the difference. Being on your “mother’s titty” is different from the normal way that many or most men are endeared to their mothers and socialized to show their mothers a high level of respect and accommodation. It is up to mothers not to abuse such socialization.
It is looked upon as a positive that you don’t see black children cursing out, physically threatening and disrespecting their parents the way that is often seen from white children. Black boys hold their mothers in high regard as they should and it is up to mothers not to take advantage of this by continuing to try and control their sons’ lives when they are adults and it is simply not right to make a man have to choose between allowing his mother to interfere in his personal life or basically completely kicking his mother out of his life. This seems to be a choice white men have to make to a lesser extent.
If she didn't worry and her son end up with someone horrible person you would say that she was a bad mother.
That’s bull. When have you heard or read of someone blaming a man’s mother for the woman he ends up with? The mother may be to some extent blamed for the type of man he becomes, but not because of the women he ends up with. Now you are making things up.
Secondly, it is probably rarely a case of whether a man’s wife or woman is bad that influences a mother-in-law’s interference, but rather a case of the mother-in-law’s desire to be in control and most would agree that black women do have a strong tendency to want to control.
Who gives two shits about what the white girl feels. She divorced him and clearly he didn't care two shits about her to try to work it out. Black or white, mothers will be possessive, if you can't take the heat stay out of the kitchen.
The high divorce rate among blacks is evidence that black women have trouble taking their own heat. So basically, when black women marry black men, they likewise marry into the family of these men’s mothers and end up having to endure the common black female disposition. I guarantee that a man’s mother liking a man’s wife increases the chance of that man and wife staying together. You just don’t want to admit that black marriages are often undermined by black women, whether it be the wife or her in-laws.
Mommas boys come in all colors. If it was a white boy and black girl you would say he just didnt want her and their family disapproved but when its a black man and white girl , the black woman is to blame?
If it was a white man and black girl and she complained that his mother broke him up, I would say that his mother played a major part in their break-up.
The funny part is that if and when you have sons, you will have no problem with your “mommas’ boys”.
This can affect anyone.
Look at what Darrin experienced in Bewitched! Endora was a white woman who harassed Darrin endlessly. And it's not just on TV. This stuff happens to men in real life, but folks simply laugh about it. When it happens to women, women demand that it be taken seriously.
PacMan
Rocky
Nice post and it made sense. Me personally your mother is always right about the woman you end up with. If my mother don't like you then it is a "wrap".
The dynamic is often played out with black women and white men. Black women just feel the white guy should get rid of his mother simply because his mother may not like the fact she cooks enough or etc.
My aunt didn't like her son's wife. She didn't cook enough and she was lazy. My cousin married her anyway. Over time my aunt warmed up to her.
You never know, it depends on the man.
But these overbearing sellout black women feel they want to control the lives of their white husband and boyfriends. Saying things like "you mother got a problem if she don't like me".
They are so emasculated they never stand up to their overbearing black wife.
You talk crazy to my mother. There will BIG problems. You better humble yourself and let it go.
You always respect your mother first.
Interesting post but I dont think that I can appreciate this analysis. When a man makes a vow to his wife to be, that needs to be honored among all others. His mother has to go. Children are involved. If he is a mother's boy, he should not be married. It isnt fair for children.
Most marriages end because of financial reasons which is a dishonoring of the vows made.
Kigali
@Andrew,
"You always respect your mother first."
Not after you have made vows and then children with someone. What about the children? What about their needs of being raised in a stable home? Thats your home, not your mothers. You need to respect the wife and the children, and that home for their sake.
So are we supposed to just destroy the home because mother is having a fit? How cruel is that to your children and the woman you vowed to have and to hold till death do you part?
Respecting your mother and respecting your home shouldnt be mutual exclusive anyway. How about we demand mothers have some respect. Especially have some respect for her grandchildrens' well being?
Kigali
Man listen
Momma's boy or not. Momma comes first. That is the problem with you women. You always want momma out the picture when she has always been there.
You come along you think you can dictate to your husband if momma should be in his life or not.
The home will not be destroyed unless you disrespect momma.
The problem is you do things that momma don't like. You get lazy and gossip on the phone and listen to your nappy headed friends giving you bad advice.
My mother likes my fiancee. She never liked the lawyer girl I had. I was like mom she a "Lawyer". My mom said "she too fat and she is selfish".
I never listened. I kept the girl around until I realized momma was right!
End of story.
The female posters are demanding and overbearing as usual. Women of all races tend to be overbearing. It is simply the law of DEMAND. There is no supply - just DEMAND. They DEMAND this and DEMAND that. You become trapped in a vicious tornado of DEMANDS. This may be one possible reason for the earlier death rate of all races of men.
PacMan
To Andrew: If your mother was in her own home minding her damn business instead of listening to your wife on the phone she would not have to worry about not liking her and I am sure in her youth your mother also had nappy head friends she would hang with.
Some african cultures separate the boys from the mothers at a certain age and there are reasons for that.
Some men should just stay with momma and let grown ass women go about their business.
Your mother should be respected but she should know when to take her old ass to her own home.
Dear Belly Dancer
My mother is not in my home. I do have friends who live with their family and are married to their wives.
I have never believe in that. That is where you draw the line. Your momma, if possible, shouldn't live with you and your wife and kids. It brings conflict and your wife really dislikes that.
No woman likes to be told how to raise their own kids.
I will agree with you concerning that.
At the same time your wife must respect your mother. There has to be some level of respect.
@Andrew,
It isnt about Mom getting out of the picture. She needs to respect the vows that were made that are far more important than her petty demands. If you have an inverted oedipus complex, dont visit that on any woman and children. Deal with it first.
"You come along you think you can dictate to your husband if momma should be in his life or not."
If she is causing trouble between husband, wife, and children, hell yes she has to go. Those children deserve the preservation of the home more than mamma deserves to get her way. That man made those vows and he has to keep them. Thats what men do.
"The home will not be destroyed unless you disrespect momma."
But it isnt Mamma's home to destroy. That is your home unless you relinquish power over that home to your mother.
"The problem is you do things that momma don't like. You get lazy and gossip on the phone and listen to your nappy headed friends giving you bad advice."
I dont know what you are talking about. Your problems are supposed to stay between you and the person you made vows with.
You have to be the man of the home. Do you want your wife's father all in your home making demands? I didnt think so.
Not once have you mentioned the damage that will be done to children in these kinds of situations. You think nothing of breaking up the only home children have known just so you can have some quasi romance with mommy.
Kigali
@PacMan,
A responsible woman would demand that the man uphold the vows that he made to his wife. Men leave the home to establish a new home with a woman and then they have children. Mothers, fathers, sisters, cousins, lil homies, shouldnt come between that.
Hey Rocky,
This is an interesting post.
My mother-in-law and I had a bit of friction when my husband and I were first dating. Luckily HER husband convinced her to lay low and let her son live his life. The key thing is, she HAS A HUSBAND. Most of these black mothers are single with no male viewpoint to balance them. They end up thinking that their warped ways of doing things are actually acceptable. This is the BIGGEST problem concerning black women in America. So many of them have no BALANCE from a man. Most of the men they are around (their sons and/or the deadbeat men they date) are not real men and certainly cannot challenge the almighty strong black "queen" mother.
I think that black women sabotage their own relationships as well as the relationships of their children mainly because they are in a mad grab for power. I have witnessed firsthand black mothers "meddling" in their son's business once they see that the son may have met a woman who is actually MORE put together than they are.
I think that many black men are groomed to put Mama first because Mama "sacrificed" and raised him and his siblings all alone. The victim/martyr syndrome is instilled very early on in black boys. Black boys are made to feel guilty if they dare put another woman's needs ahead of their mother.
My husband is a firm believer that once you get married your WIFE is now the most important woman in your life but that is because HIS FATHER and GRANDFATHER showed him this on a daily basis. Also, it makes it easier to detach from Mama when you know she has a man who is still looking out for her (i.e. her husband). To many black men are the ONLY man in their mother's life. This is ridiculously unhealthy and borderline Oedipus.
Black women need to develop healthy relationships with men that are NOT their children or relatives. It is NOT OK for millions of black women to rely on someone else's mate to protect them and show them affection.
See I disagree with all of you.
I resent the term mamma's boys. My mother has been married for 31 years. I think she has enough wisdom to know when your wife is fucking up.
The problem is the "pride factor" black wives present. My mother and my fiancee didn't get along at first. My fiancee turned the other cheek on it. They get along now. I told my mother stop jumping to conclusions. She finally relented.
I think some black wives think just because you put your mother first that it means you don't listen her. Basically it is a power struggle thing.
But your wife, regardless of race or color", has no right telling you to "cut your mother off". If momma wants to visit, let her visit. I don't tell you to stop yakking to your friends who got no life! DON'T LET ME STARTED on the sisters of your wife.
You worried about poor little mama. You got your sister coming over talking about " I heard you was doing this and that". They don't even know the whole story but they in your business. Back to poor momma.
Sometimes your mother sees things in your wife that YOU DON'T SEE
It is like what over 50 percent of marriages fail. Not because momma is coming over. It is because you didn't see the "problems" in your marriage until it was TOO LATE.
Momma will teach you how to cook right. What is his favorite food. Because this new generation of black women don't even know how to boil water. Can't even make a sandwich right.
Momma trying to show you what to do and you "kissing your teeth". No wonder 70 percent of black women are single.
You need to learn the foundation of being a woman. Some black women lack this foundation sometimes. So they get mad at momma. Momma ain't the one that made you lazy.
I stick by my statements. I think it is a power struggle thing. Women hate other women "supposedly" running their household.
Thank you, Andrew.
You women gossip and yak about your strong woman power on the phone all day long (neglecting kids and husband), and then you have the nerve to dictate to black men and mothers about how to raise a family.
Some of you women will eat your words on the day that your son marries. These older mothers have the wisdom and experience that should be respected by women.
Some of you women blame black men for not respecting black women; but when black men actually revere mothers, some of you hate that, too.
Ladies, why are most of you still single? Get a clue!
PacMan
@Rahisda
Youre completely right. 100%.
Kigali
@PacMan
From the looks of it, the two women that have responded to this post arent single but married.
I am happy my mother in law doesnt speak much english but then again she has 4 daughters she can sic on me.
"Some of you women blame black men for not respecting black women; but when black men actually revere mothers, some of you hate that, too."
How disingenuous. No one is saying you have to disrecpect Mama but if Mama is being unreasonable, then she doesnt have a right to break up your home and your children's home. A mother who is actually caring would want her son's marriage to work because after all, she does want whats best for her grandchildren right?
@Andrew
Yes Mama can visit but she cant turn up to your home at 3 am unless it is some kind of emergency. There our boundaries now. Why would your mother want you to put her first? How self centered is she? I think she needs to join a church group or something. Her time needs to be occupied.
If, by chance, your wife is "fucking up" thats for you to handle. Not your mother. Dont even mention your mother when trying to fix that problem because we all have ego. Just imagine your wife or fiances father telling her how much of a fuck up you are? You wouldnt like that.
So the Golden Rule applies here.
Thats your house and you need to handle it. Or else, if there is a problem in the house, then perhaps your wife/fiance should go to your mother to handle it since its obvious you have no power.
Kigali
Who let the banshees out at night?!
You women harp about the husband and the in-laws and neglect the kids. You women dictate that all life should revolve around the young black wife and not the mothers or the husbands or the kids.
When the black man puts his foot down, y'all howl like banshees! Listen to the black man and quit acting like man-eating monsters of the night!
PacMan
@PAcMan,
I think you should put your scripted down and actually read what your detractors are saying. Youre throwing around a lot of unfounded cliches.
If women can't respect men, then women should marry other black women.
PacMan
I read all the comments.
This topic is really heating up!
I do think black men should run their households.
I am from the old school way of thinking that you respect your mother regardless of the situation. I can't recall ANY MOTHER wanting their child's marriage to end unless something drastic happened.
I was watching Desperate Housewives of Atlanta and Kandi's mom didn't like AJ (RIP). I think Kandi handled that situation the best way she could. Obviously, her mother saw things she COULDN'T see concerning AJ.
I think the reason some married black women are against momma being around is because mom is "hip to what they are doing". So it bothers them.
When momma looks around and sees that you do not discipline the kids. She will say something to you. When her son got to COOK FOR HIMSELF after working 50 hours. Momma will SAY SOMETHING.
Nobody says momma can come over anytime she pleases. But a man will trust his mother's judgment most of the time.
These same women that knock momma have no problem having her watch the kids while she goes out.
Go figure!
@PacMan
Apparently you're using this topic to air out your own dirty laundry. If YOU have issues with the women you have dated not respecting your mother that is YOUR issue.
No one is saying that black men should not respect their mothers. Nor is anyone advocating for women to be self-centered in their marriages. I don't know who you are talking about when you say "You women dictate that all life should revolve around the young black wife and not the mothers or the husbands or the kids." because no one on this board is advocating that.
A husband respectfully letting his mother know that his LIFE AND HIS FAMILY is his priority is not disrespectful. A GOOD mother who is not JEALOUS OR INSECURE would want her son to "leave the nest" and make his own way. If she has issues with his choices, those are HER issues. She should trust that she has taught him well enough not to ruin his life. If she didn't, that's too bad. You only get ONE CHANCE to be a parent - you cannot use the bully pulpit of motherhood to try and correct things you neglected.
Like I said, I think many black men are indoctrinated by their mothers to put them first always. That is not healthy. That woman's husband should be putting her first. A son is supposed to go out and find a woman of his own to put first. No one said don't respect Mama. I have a great relationship with my mother in law now. Very transparent and she relies on ME to tell her what is going on with her son. She TRUSTS that I can take care of him and his needs. If I fall short, she gives me ADVICE but she does not undercut me by going to my husband and bitching about me. She realized that he was ALWAYS going to defend ME because he CHOSE ME to be his WIFE.
The black community is suffering from too much female reverence. Because so many black children are growing up only with Mama, we as a community have embraced the idea that mama = always good and right and virtuous because she is doing it all alone. Sorry, that is BS. There are plenty of wonderful black women raising children but there are also plenty who are neglectful, arrogant, angry and selfish. These same women latch on to their male sons like life preservers because that is the only man in her life who shows her genuine affection. That is NOT HEALTHY. I am leery of ANY man who is more concerned about his mother's feelings than his wife's.
I think the reason some married black women are against momma being around is because mom is "hip to what they are doing". So it bothers them.
When momma looks around and sees that you do not discipline the kids. She will say something to you. When her son got to COOK FOR HIMSELF after working 50 hours. Momma will SAY SOMETHING.
This is where you're wrong. If a man chose a lazy, ill-equipped woman to marry that is HIS MISTAKE. Mama cannot go around trying to correct her son's mistakes. He is a MAN and has to deal with what he chose. Too many mothers think that they can correct their son's behaviors or cover up where he falls short. That is NOT the job of a mother, especially the mother of a grown man. As far as mother's being "hip"
to what the wife is doing, that boils down to plain jealousy. If a mother feels like the wife is "getting over" on the husband, 9 times out of 10 she is jealous. As a woman I see this all the time. Especially if the mother doesn't have a man of her own. Sorry, but this is the truth. Women are jealous creatures and that does not stop when someone is a mother or is older.
If Mama thinks that a wife doesn't do enough around the house or discipline the children or whatever, that's too bad. Seriously, you cannot go around putting yourself in someone's marriage. That would cause even the strongest of marriages to fail. You can offer help to the wife or suggestions but that is all you can do. That is now HER family, not yours. And if you really care about your son and want him to be happy, you'll let him control his home as he sees fit.
Also, some black men rely on their mothers to fight their battles. Instead of doing the tough work of picking women based on character they rely on their Mama to use her "shrewdness" to weed out women. "If Mama don't like her, I'm not dating her." That's really crazy to me. You can't judge a woman on your own?
Like I said, the black community is severely unbalanced with far too much reverence for women. This is part of the problem. What about how MEN feel about women? Black men are being taught that they can't even make up their own opinions about the women they date and they need Mama to step in and show him "things he can't see". That's ridiculous. Unless you're blinded by coochie (and you shouldn't be getting married anyway if you are) you should be able to come a conclusion about your mate and choose WISELY.
@Rashida,
Insightful.
Kigali.
Rashida makes excellent points.
I will admit I have aunts in my family that cling to their sons. They have a right to feel that way. I am sure black women who have sons are a bit "more overprotective".
Unless your are in Momma's shoes than you wouldn't understand. You might be doing the same thing to your son that you claim you dislike from your husband's mother.
Most mothers do not interfere in the marriage.
The problem comes to momma sometimes. When you kick your husband out for "whatever" reason he goes to momma. Marriages are not perfect and some men handle it differently.
I am pretty sure most black men have experienced black women jumping on their back so they "won't" leave the residence or them blocking the door lol.
I don't understand why black women think that is cowardly. Would rather the man hit you or something?
Most men don't need momma to "weed out women". But she gives a good perspective on your "suspicions" about her.
Men make their final decision about a woman all the time.
For example, some black women will straight up lie about something in their "past". Look, I dislike that. I don't like a liar. I don't care if you don't like momma asking you those type of questions.
Just tell the truth and be good.
How do you expect to marry a man and not "get along with his mother"?
Most older black women go to church. I assure they have a life. Momma is not expecting you to sing on the choir lol.
Rashida you come from a biased situation because you said "your relationship with your mother in law is good now".
It is not about defending your mother. A husband mediates the situation. It looks like "he is defending you".
A man will always put his momma first.
It's GOD, Momma. wife and kids and then COUNTRY.
STOP TRYING TO COMPETE WITH MOMMA. You are not on the same level.
I would be weary about a woman that does not have a thick skin when it comes to her husband's mother.
Andrew knows what he is talking about.
I know what I am talking about.
You banshees feign high morals and a sanctimonious tone; but the day that your son's wife restricts your visitation, the roles will be reversed.
Rocky's post shows that men are merely pawns in this game for power. Women are competing against older women for devotion. This is unhealthy, ladies!
Listen to black men for once!
And if you're tired of men, then marry black women!
P.S. - These banshees argue feverishly as Halloween approaches. We can hear them cackle now. SCREEEEEEEEECH!
PacMan
@Andrew,
Did you see that movie, "Not Easily Broken"? Would you have sympathy for that woman's mother? Of course not.
Kigali
Do your black sons hide from you, wicked banshees?
Do they hear you gossip about and demonize men?
PacMan
@PacMan
How often do you visit this forum?
Rocky's post is about how black women often teach their sons to prioritize them over any other women and how that OFTEN leads to black men's marriages FAILING. This is not about women competing for devotion. Although in all honestly any Mama looking for protection and provision from her son HAS ISSUES.
But anyway, the post is one slice of the huge "dysfunctional relationships amongst blacks" pie. If a black woman (or any other woman) marries a black man she is far more likely to have to COMPETE with his mother. That is a PROBLEM since the result of said competition seems to lead to divorce. African-Americans are the last to get married and the first to get divorced so clearly we all have work to do in this area. And since so many black women are single and have sons who are dating and mating, these women often end up trying to sabotage their son's happiness regardless of the race of woman. And if the woman is NOT black, chances are she will be 10 times harder on her.
Like Rocky said, it is up to black mothers to not abuse the pulpit of motherhood. It is a VERY powerful social mechanism which often results in children (male and female) feeling guilty for exercising boundaries. So since children have a hard time saying "No" to mama, Mama needs to be responsible and not ABUSE her privileges. Too many black mothers ABUSE their privileges. That is what this article, and discussion, is all about.
No one is advocating men not having healthy, NORMAL relationships with their mothers. But there is certainly a line that needs to be drawn and respected by everyone.
@Andrew,
Where does your father fit into the "GOD, MOMMA, WIFE, KIDS, COUNTRY" bit? Isn't he just as worthy of your allegiance as your mother? Or was his sole purpose to just to feed, house and clothe you? Where is the reverence for your father? Who looks out for him if Mama is all up in your business?
How do you talk about the lack of respect many black women have for men and manhood when you are advocating that the female of the household always comes first?
Personally my mother is not my problem. I love her and care for her and would do anything I could for her but my husband and his needs comes first. That's just the way it is. I would not leave her stranded or without assistance but she has had her time with me and now it's time for me to move on. She gets it - why would she want her child to put her before her own family?
I don't get this line of thinking at all. I know plenty of married men of all races that would cut their mama off if she didn't support their choices. And mama knows this and acts accordingly. These men still love and appreciate their mothers but they are not about to let them all up in their marriages.
Mama will always have something to say, that's her job. I hope my future children think the same way I do and if I ever get out of line I hope they have the courage to put me in my place.
as far as pacman's crack about a wife not letting a grandma see the children, that's just ridiculous. It is up to the son to mediate those relationships. If he dropped the ball, too bad. Mama should have taught him better. How do you marry a woman that would restrict visitation from your mother? These are things that should be ironed out before you marry. VET your partner from all angles. Only idiots end up in those kinds of crazy marriages.
question:
how can one spot a ladyboy?
answer:
he is the one whining and crying about how ALL that goes wrong in his life is the fault of a bw.
lol. i am bothered less and less, daily, by the de-population efforts of blk males and blk people. it is truly, survival of the fittest. whiners and blame-shifters are UNFIT for survival.
it is SOMEONE ELSE'S FAULT!
may the ladyboys and their enablers go FIRST!
LOL!
maybe bm's marriages fail in greater numbers without regards to who/what color of the woman they marry because they have no MALE role models to TEACH them how to be MEN, GOOD FATHERS AND HUSBANDS...what a concept. bm/bw marriage FAIL THE MOST FOR THESE SAME REASONS.
unmarried women can't teach daughters how to be virtuos wives either. instead they tend to peddle the poison of "you don't need a man".
blithering idiots...just die already. please.
Here we go again with female banshees competing for devotion and proposing another genocide program for black men.
You banshees need to chill out and get off of our backs! Your incessant howling and vicious attacks on manhood are ENOUGH! Y'all are poisonous banshees that devour men's souls.
Watch how these women refuse to listen to the man. Watch how these women expect the man to give into their selfish wishes.
Where are the women who can show respect and accept a man's decision? I suppose that feminine women no longer exist on this planet!
PacMan
Andrew It's not your mother's place to see of your wife is phucking up or not cooking right or what she perceives as cooking cuz everybody has their way of fixing certain foods. You seem to also have problems with your wife being on the phone or spending times with her friends it's like you want to have your wife's constant attention like a lil boy or your mother sees that your wife has her own life and feels like your wife should dedicate her whole day to you.
Rashida I disagree not all those women have it out with their DIL's because they are husbandless in the Indian culture those women who certainly have husbands often treat their sons like lil kings and do not get along with the DIL's either and in some parts of India they have created laws on this becasue the divorce rate was skyrocketing.
Let me respond to the topic at hand.
Rocky's topic is heating up!
We are having a great discussion here. I will agree some black men do not have a male role model to look up too.
I would like to revise my statement about GOD, MOMMA, WIFE AND KIDS, AND COUNTRY. It should PARENTS. My father has been very instrumental in raising my brother and me. My mother always said ' I don't make any match and I don't ruin any match in her Jamaican accent. When it came to relationships.
I think black mothers and black wives do have this power struggle. If you husband "chooses" to defend his mother that is not a slight to his wife. I don't know why women feel that is the case.
I think some black women have this jealous streak that is overboard. For example, if you are too friendly with females at work she will throw a fit or check your phone. You can't act this way with momma. Some black women have this vindictive nature. If you are a secure woman, you wouldn't let momma intimidate you.
There is no conspiracy for momma to get attention from her son. Most black mothers would like their son to marry a good woman.
I think what happens sometimes men tell their mother "half a story" about the relationship. Then momma makes up "her opinion" about the woman. I have been guilty of that in the past.
I will give a short story. I was in the hospital recovering from surgery. I ended going home and my momma was helping me out.
My girlfriend at the time came over from Brooklyn and wanted us to go out. I wasn't fully healed yet. My mother took it like "why she only concerned about going out and you are not healed up yet". This girl is selfish. I did notice life "revolved around her". It wasn't about my aspirations and goals. It was about her life, sorority and career.
I let it go. I said mom she want to go out what's the problem. But overtime things "build up". My mother wasn't the reason the relationship ended. It was just the straw that broke the camel's back.
Let me respond to Belly
My fiancee should give me attention or go be with another man. You are a grown ass woman. You want to yakk to your friends that is fine with me. I like sufficient attention but I don't want her "up under me".
Just do what you are supposed to do for your man at home. The problem with some black women is that they want to live the same lifestyle they lived when they were "single" and then wonder why their marriage ends.
I don't need a whole lot of attention. I can actually live alone and have no problem. I have changed a lot and I try to spend more time with my fiancee when I am not working two jobs.
I already women "straight out". I want a traditional woman. That cooks, cleans and is ambitious. It is not a necessity for me to have a woman. I have been self sufficient for a long time.
I think black women must have that "desire to feel needed". When I injured my knee, my fiancee was happy helping me. It clicked in my head like "hmm black women want to feel needed".
It made me reevaluate my approach.
Lastly, Italian men are momma's boys. Italy the men are refusing to get married and are live longer with their mothers. Just pointing that out.
As for the comment, knowing plenty of men that would cut off their momma. They only guys I know do that is the ones that had a "strained" relationship with their own mother from the beginning.
Ain't no way my woman would put me in a position to cut off my mother. We wouldn't be together!
If we back down, these banshees will still call us sissies and losers. If we hold firm to our purpose, these banshees will scream black male psychopathology and all manner of evil. Either way, these banshees will blame men.
Men are getting tired of the feminist injustices that plague our world.
PacMan
@Rashida Very well said. I've been checking many of the blogs by black women and the pure garbage they spout is unbelievable! I was wondering if there were any reasonable sisters out there. Thank you for just being sensible about it. I totally agree with your post.
Rashida is cool! We need more sistas' like her. I think we use to call them, back in the day, 'race women'.
There is no need to worship women because feminism reigns in women's blogs.
This is a blog for men and about men, so we should praise and congratulate the men for standing firm to their purpose and not allowing feminists to stand in the way.
So quit thanking the women because they do it everywhere else!
Let us thank the men! Give praise where praise is due!
PacMan
The true victims here are the men!
PacMan
Funny how we never hear about women praising their men. They always want it the other way around.
Women once again blame the problem on the men and expect men to cower to feminist propaganda.
These devilish banshees need to shape up or ship out!
PacMan
back in the day, "race women" made sense. there were "race men" to complement and balance them.
today, "race women" make NO sense. as the new school "race men" are pretty much non-existent. in fact, one can pretty much bank on the fact that the "blacker" the talk, the WHITER his woman will be.
Rashida is a gas-lit idiot. bfolks are too concerned with bWOMEN. lol! total blithering, disconnected from reality idiot. when something happens to bw, WHO cares? when an idiot bm criminal gets his head beat in, folks come running, marching, and protesting. i pray the day comes soon, when more bw will stand still and quiet. may the "Unas" of the world stand and protest. but that's right, they don't protest on behalf of bm, they simply extract resources. lol! i don't blame them. bm are an embaressment to the "race men" of days of old.
for the record, the "Kigali" twit is an idiot as well. especially, if it is the same bossip Kigali that hates bw more than he hates white supremacy. lol!
Pac-Man, i am inclined to take you as seriously as the video game. you have serious issues. i would suggest you work them out. but then, THAT would call for personal accountability and responsibility. we ALL know THAT is not what the average blk guy does...holding himself responsible and accountable. i don't count on you doing such innerwork. keep blaming bw. hopefully, you will escape having your head put to bed by one of your "brothas". with all that black on black crime which is more than likely bw's fault as well. lol! idiots!
thanks for making me laugh...
Rashida is a gas-lit idiot. bfolks are too concerned with bWOMEN. lol! total blithering, disconnected from reality idiot. when something happens to bw, WHO cares?
LOL @ you. Just because you lack the looks and interpersonal skills to have landed a successful black man doesn't mean we are ALL like you. LOL.
You loser women SLAY me. You all wanted a black man and because you couldn't land a white-collar successful one you turn your venom on all black men and any black woman who doesn't tow the party line. How sad do you get when you see a happily married black couple with a gorgeous wife and her successful husband? Wish it could have been YOU, right? Too bad you never learned how to actually ATTRACT a man and keep his attention on you. Don't be mad at the VAST majority of women (black, white, etc) who actually do have those skills. Perhaps you should have spent some time watching the way happily married women behave instead of listening to all the bitter and disgruntled women complain about being left out of the game.
Sweetie, it's women like you who will be bitter no matter what race of man you managed to land in bed. All those pictures of black women married to white men that you look at on websites will still NEVER translate to you getting a ring. NEVER. Because what a picture DOESN'T tell you is that any woman who wants a husband and father for her children can get one if she is PROPERLY SOCIALIZED to handle that lifestyle. And those who AREN'T typically end up unmarried or divorced pretty quickly.
Your lack of interpersonal skills and your frumpy, dumpy looks is not the fault of black men. They did not force you to neglect relationships and your physical appearance. They did not tell you to DEMAND a successful partner simply because you THINK you are successful.
Perhaps you should spend some time OFF the internet and stop repeating soundbites from other BITTER women and join the land of the living.
Rashida is a gas-lit idiot. bfolks are too concerned with bWOMEN.
You just simply can’t handle the truth that Rashida puts forth. Her posts epitomize intelligence and her summary of what I was trying to say was spot on. As a matter of fact, she explained it better than I did. Rashida, Andrew, Truth B. Told, Raina, Menelik Charles, MsKitty, Una Persona and several others upset you because they counter your rhetoric with logic and rational thought.
Let us look at our nation's President - a black man. And let us not forget the other black men before him - Malcolm X (who refused his slave surname), King (marched for civil rights so that y'all can vote - that means black women), W. E. B. Dubois, Douglas, etc.
Who do you think demanded equality - your white princes? Get it straight, you banshees!
Women need to learn to treat men with respect!
PacMan
@Pacman said:
"Let us look at our nation's President - a black man."
Obama had a WHITE mother and a black African father. Obama was RAISED by his WHITE mother and his WHITE grandparents. Obama also spent about four years in Indonesia with his WHITE mother and her second husband, an INDONESIAN man.
The point of the above is that Obama did not spend ANY time with "regular" slave descended black Americans until he was well into his twenties. This is a good thing, because he would have been a "typical" damaged beyond repair black American male if he had been raised by and around "typical" black Americans and he would NEVER have been elected president.
White people trusted Obama to be president of these United States (the ones who voted for him) ONLY because he was HALF WHITE.
"Rashida, Andrew, Truth B. Told, Raina, Menelik Charles, MsKitty, Una Persona and several others upset you because they counter your rhetoric with logic and rational thought."
What is "rational" about Rashida calling anonymous "bitter, frumpy, dumpy" when she doesn't even KNOW her (or him). How is that "rational thought"?
And whatever you want to say about Mr. Laurelton Queens/Andrew, you cannot seriously refer to him as "rational".lol
The fact is that I have seen black women, who the average black American man (and some black American women) would probably call a "bitch", marry white men and live happily ever after. I have SEEN this happen with my own eyes. Not a picture on Evia's blog but with MY OWN EYES.
Increasing numbers of black women ARE getting away from the now dead "black community". And that's such a good thing.
And for the record, blacks are the least likely to marry and the most likely to get divorced when they do get married (they're so busy having illegitimate babies - there's currently an 80% black illegitimacy rate at last count).
Black-on-black so-called "love", despite a few exceptions, is dying if not already dead.
And speaking of Rashida's so-called "rational thought", she hasn't posted anything on HER own blog in going on TWO months.
When is Rashida going to post something on HER blog? Maybe she's too busy calling people, who she doesn't even know, names.
Let me respond
Barak Obama was with Michelle Obama and her family for about hmm 15 years. These sellout black women harp on the fact Obama was raised by his white grandparents and his white mother.
But they never mention the background of Michelle Obama and her slave descendants.
What I infer from their arguments is "Oh if Obama was raised by those damn black Americans he wouldn't be president".
By the way, Michelle Obama is alright with me.
Stupid crab ass sellout black women. Taking credit for Michelle's Obama success. Let me tell you something, Obama wouldn't be president without that "daughter of slaves" Michelle Obama. That is a fact!
I am "rational" enough to notice your contradictions.
Look at this stupid statement
"The point of the above is that Obama did not spend ANY time with "regular" slave descended black Americans until he was well into his twenties. This is a good thing, because he would have been a "typical" damaged beyond repair black American male if he had been raised by and around "typical" black Americans and he would NEVER have been elected president."
Oh realllllly, his black wife wasn't a descendant of slaves. Why was Obama not the typical Damage beyond repair black men when he hooked up with Michelle Obama who was raised by the "typical black Americans" as you say??????
(Waiting for the answer)
SERIOUSLY YOU CANNOT NOT BE THIS PAINFULLY STUPID.
Rocky what's up man. Sometimes it is not even fair to debate them. It is like arguing with a developmental disabled child.
I suggest they read Michelle Obama's biography and how her family was active in Chicago politics.
Good day to everyone.
Rashida-
you are hilarity at its finest.
you know absolutely NOTHING about me. so for you to launch into the dumb junk you just did is hilarious. laughter is good for the soul. thank you for making me laugh so hard.
your spiel merely confirms my initial statement. you are a gas-lit idiot. the fact that you seek to blame bw for ALL that ails BM is not healthy, for bw or bm. to your credit, you are consistent in your idiocy.
i do know from prior experience and exchange that you don't think bw are worthy of protection. you feel that bm are, and you set about doing your best to protect them from what they need most, personal accountability and responsibility.
men regulate the behavior of other men. folks love to scream about all the decent men they know and yet pretend they haven't noticed that these so-called "decent" bm function like little cowards when it comes time to deal with their super-predator, criminal, raping, molesting, baby making and abandoning "brothas". it was NOT always this way. which is why i acknowledge "race men" from days of old.
there was a time that if you impregnated a man's sister/daughter you WERE marrying her. when the decent men refuse to regulate, you get what we see. there have been many wise men that have told the truth plainly...bm will NOT rise and will garner NO RESPECT...UNTIL he respects and protects BLK WOMEN. it is basic. why are you folks confused? how do you replace respect/protect with "blame"? oh, that's right, you are idiots. lol!
bm are by nature designed to be protectors and providers. in order to have healthy self esteem, one must do esteemable things. bm would feel better about themselves if they would go back to basics and hold themselves to a higher standard. i am not saying they should hold themselves to the same standard that they hold bw. we know rome was not built in a day. lol!
bw will feel better about themselves when more wake up and realize that they must stay away from these ladyboys UNTIL they go back to basics. most definitely STOP having sex and babies with them! (i don't advise anyone to hold their breaths waiting for bm to get back to basics. i strongly believe they will be de-populated down to manageable broken numbers BEFORE they figure out how to hold themselves accountable or be responsible for their choices and themselves, their women and children. this statement brings me no joy. my acceptance of this fact has brought me immeasurable peace.)
Rashida, you should know that i don't believe most bm in their present state to be a desirable prize. even the white collared ones that are so well adjusted to oppression. i see them as little puppets, trying in vain to prove that they are as good as white men. this is a losing battle. trying to cram your black self in a white box will always end in defeat for the black person.
as such, i fully embrace my glorious black self. i walk in power, peace and joy. i think. i focus on what is in my best interest at all times. i embrace discipline, because i love me. as such, i know no lonely days. your assessment of my journey is one of you digesting stereotypical lies and attempting, in vain, to regulate or neutralize my determination to be a free agent. there is no bitterness here. hosting said spirit would be bad for me. counter-productive. no thanks. be real clear though, i.see.clearly. i have the courage to call it, understanding that refusing to call it leads to bondage and oppression.
bm's relationships fail in greater numbers with ALL women that become involved with them, because they don't have the proper models of what real manhood is. everyone with a penis DOES NOT gain entry into manhood. just as all folks with vaginas are not women. pretending that their failed relationships are their mothers' faults is more ladyboy behavior. and just because some wfolks are taking that route does not mean bm should. if bm want to emulate something, they should emulate how wm continue to scream to the high heavens that ww are the epitome of beauty and femininity. this is strategic. uplifting the women, preserves the race. ever wonder why wm are not paired non stop in the media with asian women? hmmm? men that understand their survival is attached to the well being of the women of their collective (men in their right minds in other words) will NOT EVER DELIBERATELY HURT THE WOMEN OF THEIR COLLECTIVE. bm...copy THAT! lol!
...blithering idiots...
another observation...
Rashida, you have been on this board with the video game joke calling women banshees and other names. has it ever occurred to you that the hostility he spews applies to you as well? or do you think he is talking about other women?
notice, when you are complimented he still rages. why do you ignore that? (i did see you very politely---which is more than women that don't agree with you get---suggest that he wasn't quite familiar with the blog. lol!)
your behavior is tantamount to attempting to ignore someone that was harassing you. it is the behavior of one that is accustomed to dealing with such dysfunctional behavior.
why no assessment of what his life must be? lol! or do you find idiot more offensive than banshee? lol! ok...i am done playing with you now. i amuse myself with coward, line towing, misguided women acting AGAINST their best interests in a futile attempt to curry favor. your efforts are an exercise in futility. if you think i just about THAT, study the "race women" from days of old. see how much NOTHING they received in exchange for their efforts...
correction:
i said:
"if you think i just.."
i meant:
if you think i jest...
@Andrew said:
"Oh realllllly, his black wife wasn't a descendant of slaves. Why was Obama not the typical Damage beyond repair black men when he hooked up with Michelle Obama who was raised by the "typical black Americans" as you say??????"
My point was that Obama was RAISED by his WHITE mother and his WHITE grandparents. THAT IS A FACT. Obama did not meet Michelle until he was well into adulthood. Obama had already been raised by his white mother and white grandparents by the time he met Michelle. lol
"Typical" slave descended black Americans had NOTHING to do with while he was GROWING UP. Does that disturb you? It doesn't disturb me. After all, it's true.
Note:
Obama made promises to EVERY group likely to vote for a democratic president. What promises did Obama make, however, to "typical" slave descended black Americans? None. The only thing he's said SO FAR to "typical" slave descended black American groups is that they should be more responsible, specifically, BLACK MALES should do a far better job of PROVIDING for their children. In other words, he called black men out on their failure to be MEN.
Listening to you
You said this
"My point was that Obama was RAISED by his WHITE mother and his WHITE grandparents. THAT IS A FACT. Obama did not meet Michelle until he was well into adulthood. Obama had already been raised by his white mother and white grandparents by the time he met Michelle. lol"
Your assuming "Michelle" Obama knew this when she first met him. That is not a fact she knew he was biracial. That is speculation. Since you seem have to a problem with black people being raised by black people. What makes Michelle Obama so different than other black women that allegedly give "birth" to these damaged beyond repair black men?
Essentially, what you are saying that only white women can raise "respectable black men", which would indirectly show you and other black women as a failures to BLACK MEN. Are you saying that?
I really don't know how you can dig yourself out of this argument but I am glad you responded.
You also said this
"Obama made promises to EVERY group likely to vote for a democratic president. What promises did Obama make, however, to "typical" slave descended black Americans? None. The only thing he's said SO FAR to "typical" slave descended black American groups is that they should be more responsible, specifically, BLACK MALES should do a far better job of PROVIDING for their children. In other words, he called black men out on their failure to be MEN."
So he didn't make a promise to the typical black descendant Michelle Obama right? That is interesting since Obama's black father was never in his life and he managed to make it. Just like they are many kids who make it in life without their fathers. Obama admitted doing drugs in his teenage years. He may be my president but he has flaws. Oh yea, he likes to smoke too. They never mention Obama going to the Million Man March and then denying it. I really don't listen to politicians. I respect Obama as a family man that's about it.
It sort of like the Bill Cosby argument. He does all these degrading cartoons than he wants to turn around and be a moral authority on black people. He cheated on his wife with the maid. They are jumping in when things are real bad now, when they should have spoke up 15 to 20 years ago.
Under the constitution the Executive powers are kind of limited. The President is the Commander of the Armed Forces but only Congress can declare war. He does not legislate, create, or enforce laws. This whole idea that the President can "change anything" is half true. The President has "influence" but that's about it.
So if you are expecting Obama to change anything. People have to change themselves. Such as black men and BLACK WOMEN. You can't have an out of wedlock baby without the woman. See you leave black women off the hook. If you enable the behavior it continues on.
You can't catch an STD without a woman involved. Both parties have to be responsible instead of blaming black men.
Nobody puts a gun to your head to spread your legs or have multiple baby daddies. But you can manage give advice to "other black women" and your love life is non existent or "messed up".
Makes no sense.
Good day
. if bm want to emulate something, they should emulate how wm continue to scream to the high heavens that ww are the epitome of beauty and femininity. this is strategic. uplifting the women, preserves the race. ever wonder why wm are not paired non stop in the media with asian women? hmmm? men that understand their survival is attached to the well being of the women of their collective (men in their right minds in other words) will NOT EVER DELIBERATELY HURT THE WOMEN OF THEIR COLLECTIVE. bm...copy THAT! lol!
...blithering idiots...
This is the same old arrogant Black women ego trip that is at the center of the destruction of the Black community.
In one sentence you determine Black men worthless, even those who work hard (white collar) and try to make their lives and their families lives better and in the next sentence you whine about how Black men don't treat you like White men treat White women (or whatever fairy tale version that is in your mind).
This constant neverending quest for you Black women egomaniacs to replace White women on "the pedestal" has overridden all of your good sense.
If you egomaniac Black women would spend more time trying to be better wives, and mothers and just all around better human beings and spend less time worrying about your racial ranking in the world hierarchy then perhaps Black women would not have the lowest marriage rates and the highest divorce rates among women. You may even manage to keep some of the best and brightest men of the race as marriage partners. Then again to you and many egomaniacal Black women who think like you, they are only "puppets" and not good enough for whatever supposed wondrousness that you bring to this world.
While other races of women and sane Black women just want to live the most comfortable, secure, and happy life they can, the egomaniacal Black woman won't be happy unless if the entire world is kissing her ass and hailing her queen of the universe.
Women like you endlessly compare Black men to White men, but will never bother to ask the reciprocating question of what has the White women done for/offer the White men.
As much time as many of you Black women spend praising White men and White society, perhaps you should give a little credit to White society's first teachers. White men didn't exactly sprout from the sea nor hatch from a pod. Neither did Black men. Once upon a time, these Black men who you now consider failures as men were once little Black babies and boys at the mercy of their first teachers in life just like little White babies and boys who grow up to run the world. Is it any suprise at who the first teacher was of the most prominent Black man in the world?
Maybe it is time you start comparing the overall state of White motherhood to Black motherhood from deciding who to let ejaculate inside of them to the latest rearing techniques.
Doing so will reveal most of source of the problems that plague Black people today, but I am guessing your ego won't allow you to. It is easier to blame Black men for everything.
Why is it that I am a "he" where ever I go?
Kigal
p.s. Yes I am the Kigali from Bossip and I am indifferent to "white supremacy."
@Truth B Told,
"If you egomaniac Black women would spend more time trying to be better wives, and mothers and just all around better human beings and spend less time worrying about your racial ranking in the world hierarchy then perhaps Black women would not have the lowest marriage rates and the highest divorce rates among women. You may even manage to keep some of the best and brightest men of the race as marriage partners."
This is my new t-shirt. They do have white women in their sights, only to turn their guns on Asian women, and then Latinas. They are already complaining about too many mullatas and Latinas being in the rap videos they so despise for objectifying black women. Geez!
Let me address these crazy "anons" real quick.
Whether I update my blog once a month, once a year or never again should be of no concern to you. Since many of you loser women navigate the same blog spaces to reaffirm your egos, it should come as no surprise that some people just blog when they feel like it. Many of you don't have blogs of your own and you just roam from forum to forum cackling about the same stuff offering no solutions except black men hate themselves and white men appreciate your "unique" beauty. LOL.
men regulate the behavior of other men. folks love to scream about all the decent men they know and yet pretend they haven't noticed that these so-called "decent" bm function like little cowards when it comes time to deal with their super-predator, criminal, raping, molesting, baby making and abandoning "brothas"
Oh REALLY? So white men are regulating the behavior of other white men yet somehow little white girls are still being snatched out of their beds at night, white women are mutilated by their ex-husbands, white rapists are holding women hostage and forcing them to bear their children and white teens are addicted to their parent's Rx drugs at record rates. Yeah, looks like white men are really putting the clamp down on the dysfunction in their communities.
In reality, white men have been given the FREEDOM to protect whomever they feel like protecting and letting the others fend for themselves. This causes other men to step up and defend their families and so on and so on. White men have never been given the burden of protecting the entire white race of people, especially the white underclass. The average white man doesn't give a crap about some meth-smoking loser in the boonies. In fact, the white man will brand those people and make money off of them via politics, sports, entertainment, etc. The white man cares about HIMSELF first and foremost which is why he has been so ruthless in massacaring others in his quest for power. I believe "dog eat dog" is a white folks saying.
The problem with black people like you is that you let the white man's methods slide because he is "on top". If his selfish behavior resulted in mass poverty for HIS people, you would not be so quick to praise him. Like so many lost black women you are OBSESSED with how much better you THINK white and other women have it over black women. You think that this must mean that the white MAN is better than the black man because his woman is better off than you.
As far as this "mass exodus" of "thinking" BW for the BC, all I can say is WHERE ARE THEY GOING? They're still BLACK last time I checked. So this "exit strategy" is tantamount to moving out of the hood and dating a white guy. WOW - how REVOLUTIONARY!
SMH.
Some black women obsess about queenship (for example, QUEEN Latifah). Please - just try to be ladies! Even Princess Diana never became a queen and eventually lost her royal title, resigning herself to the status of Lady.
PacMan
there is absolutely no rancor or animosity on my part toward non blk women. i for one don't believe in competition among women. i understand fully when the oppressed fight among themselves, they only ensure their continued oppression. ww and other non blk women are busy extracting resources from dumb bm. and i don't blame them. the average bm makes it as easy as taking candy from a baby. the whole world notices and laughs at his collective stupidity. bw trying to sound the alarm are accused of jealousy. so give back all that you have been able to get and know that it matters not to me. go the way of the moors in peace. the name of the game is survival of the fittest.
no one is asking to be hailed as the queen of the universe. all i am suggesting is that basic respect be rendered. this of course escapes you. i have even attempted to share how this is beneficial to bm, yet you argue.
ok. fine. i have already assessed that you are blithering idiots. i really do not expect that you will see the simplicity of the truth.
effective immediately, i give up. lol!
to the other sensible Anon may i suggest you do the same? save yourself and just don't dialogue with the Queen Andrew character. he is refusing to acknowledge the importance of the role of the father in raising children and holding down a family. as such, he will not understand what you are saying. in his twisted, vacant mind he will see what you are saying as an assertion that BW (the ones that are present in greater numbers giving efforts to doing ALONE what GOD intended be done by TWO---while folks scorn them for doing it crappily. he will not see that BM must show up and go to work. and anyone suggesting that they should hold themselves accountable is "bashing". lol! save yourself. only play with the idiots for kicks and giggles. plus the chance that some impressionable mind is reading and will have an ear to hear the truth of your message.
you should know i find it immensely humorous to come over here and toy with you idiots...
gotta go now, i have other things to do.
lol!
Rocky-
before i peace out, i must say, you are hilarious.
just say you love, adore and prefer ww and be free. go in peace. there will be no mourning. you are of no value anyway to bm, bw, and bchildren. bfolks DON'T need excuses and reasons to fail. your philosophy is not good for bw or bm. all of the excuses is killing bfolks.
NO ONE is praising white society. i am simply saying as you negroes knock yourself out to prove that you are as good as wm, you without fail emulate ALL THE WRONG THINGS!
i find it interesting that pinheads like yourself never quite get around to slicing and dicing ww when their sons are terrorists to all they encounter on the planet, serial killers, theives, rapists, and pillagers of people, cultures, and continents.
bw have only to learn to support those that support them from ww. bw would do well to emulate ww's well defined ruthless streak as well. bw would do well to learn to be as asian women and police rigidly the image they put forth. i can tell you from first hand experience, asian and ww are a lot of things, DOCILE, NOT.SO.MUCH. bw can learn MUCH from other women of the world. the biggest thing would be to NOT shout to the heavens about how ONLY bm will be seriously considered as mates. hell, they could take this lesson from BM who act more like DYSFUNCTIONAL females than anything else.
bw need to stop that dumb muck post haste. ALL other women have liberated themselves to move towards those men with the resources and understanding that they are worthy of protection and provision. bw must WISE UP. bw must STOP having babies with males that don't esteem them enough to marry them. GOD KNOWS bm with high standards with regards to bw will peel a non blk woman off the stripper pole to MARRY her. lol! lie and say it isn't so.
all the rest of your rosy "ww are the second coming" garbage is just that. garbage. you and i both know it and it tickles me that you would trot this nonsense out and act as if you are making a solid point.
ww are protected and provided for because their MEN despite their many failings see to it. how many other lustful negroes like yourself have found their testicles on the wm's mantlepiece in order to send the message that disrespecting ww will not be tolerated? negro, just stop. lol! how many negroes have hispanic men killed to let you negroes know that they will NOT tolerate you treating their women like you treat bw? that they will not tolerate any disrespect from bm? how many "apologies" have negroes had to render? soft little lady boys save their wrath for bw and bgs. i.am.not.a.soft.target.negro.
ww and other non blk women are alright with me. all that look at how most bm treat bw and decide that they will fare better with a bm can hurry up and GET SOME. bm don't just disease, impregnate and abandon bw and black children in record numbers. they do it, in large numbers, with ALL women that attempt to partner with them. scurry and get your stats...
all your finger pointing is useless. bm are their own worst enemy. bm are taking other bm out in record numbers. the klan would be congratulatory. bm are also taking out bw and bchildren in record numbers. only accountability and responsibility will change it. bw that want to live abundantly will need to stop with the "brotha" nonsense and VET like all hell.
keep blaming black women and wondering why other men of the planet don't respect you and other bm like you as men. the math is simple negro.
have a great night. i am no longer having fun over here in the idiot house. so i will leave now.
in his twisted, vacant mind he will see what you are saying as an assertion that BW...
...have somehow failed BM. NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND. despite all with eyes being able to see that bm have failed themselves, their ancestors, their women AND their children!
THAT is the rest of that thought in the interest of clarity.
there is absolutely no rancor or animosity on my part toward non blk women. i for one don't believe in competition among women. i understand fully when the oppressed fight among themselves, they only ensure their continued oppression. ww and other non blk women are busy extracting resources from dumb bm. and i don't blame them. the average bm makes it as easy as taking candy from a baby. the whole world notices and laughs at his collective stupidity. bw trying to sound the alarm are accused of jealousy. so give back all that you have been able to get and know that it matters not to me. go the way of the moors in peace. the name of the game is survival of the fittest.
When will you get it, the world is laughing at you, that is when they care to think about you at all. You sit around with an angry scowl on your face and fist all balled up wondering why the world and especially Black men just don't bow down to your feet and worship you for the queens that you think you are.
Worshipping you and elevating you is of no benefit to me. You are not my mother, you are not my daughter, you are not my wife, you are a stranger. If I see you on the street I would greet you with pleasantries like I would greet anyone else. If that is not enough for you then too bad. You don't do a damn thing for me and probably not a whole lot for anyone else.
You ask for "basic respect", but you go around calling people idiots. Is there any limit to your hypocrisy and your sense of entitlement?
And leave it to an angry egomaniacal Black women seeing a Black man forming a family with a woman (and especially a non-Black woman) as a form of "extracting resources". Everything again about winning and losing this racial hierarchy game.
As hard as this for you and those like you to understand, responsible Black men, like most responsible men in general care more about their own DNA kids first and foremost before other kids. That doesn't mean they are selfish, that doesn't mean they don't care about other kids, it means that their first and foremost priority is their own flesh and blood.
When those responsible men impregnate women, they take care of them. Irresponsible men don't. And get this: RESPONSIBLE WOMEN do their best to lay down with RESPONSIBLE men. They don't lay down with whoever get them the wettest between their legs and then turn around and start whining and complaining and expecting stranger men to worship them and take care of them. Irresponsible women do that.
Funny how these women don't seem to give two shits about the strength of the Black Race when they are spreading their thighs. They only play the Race Card after they know they fucked up.
If Black women are doing alone what God intended for two to do, then Black women need to start making better choices in who they lay down with.
Rocky-
before i peace out, i must say, you are hilarious.
just say you love, adore and prefer ww and be free. go in peace. there will be no mourning. you are of no value anyway to bm, bw, and bchildren.
And FTR, I think that Rocky has said in the past that he is married to a Black woman.
And what the hell makes you so special that you get to determine who has value to who. What do you do for anybody?
The anonymous seem to be running away back to their sellout blogs where they feel safe.
They never answered my question before they left. Barak Obama was raised by his white mother and white grandparents and did not end damaged beyond repair.
Wouldn't that be an indictment on black women raising damaged beyond repair black women?
This comment has intrigued me since last night. Sellout black women rant and rave about damaged beyond repair black men but give birth to them.
They will never take personal responsibility for themselves. They will continue to blame black men for their failures.
Even when they fall flat on their face when they interracial date. Guess who they blame for that? Sure is not white men. The "nice white men" never does anything wrong, maybe it was my fault.
That is the only time sellout black women admit wrongdoing.
Why they have to tell people they are leaving the black community too?
You think white people are just so happy that Tameka and her poor eating habits and narcissistic attitude is going to be accepted in the white community.
For the record, we don't care what other races of men think. You worry what other races of people think.
You keep mentioning what white men did in the past to black men. Black men, according to DOJ statistics have more than retaliated.
Let's not talk about who is scared of who. All non black men have some type of apprehension concerning black men. I don't care how tough they are.
You have a nice day.
Excuses for days-
hi there. it has been a minute since we have had an exchange.
healthy relationships are not built on "worship" of each other. THIS is why bm/ww have such a hard time sustaining their unions. that "worship" is unhealthy for the receiver AND the giver. since THAT is what you have taken from my statements, suffice it to say, we are NOT on the same page.
be real clear, the world is not laughing at me. the world is shaking its head in bewilderment at bw like Rashida. you know those that make a fool out of themselves trying to support, defend, and protect bm for indefensible behavior, while getting NOTHING in return but disrespect. notice, non of you other males addressed the disrespectful joke on this thread either. lol!
the world is wondering at what point bw will stop indulging in such stupid behavior of supporting bm in the face of NO SUPPORT. the world has clearly gotten the message that bm don't love, support, protect, or provide for the bw. i, too, am wondering what it will take for more bw to snap the hell out of it. lol!
i am real clear that the only ones that will save bw will be bw. help is not on the way. i have saved myself awhile ago. because i know that folks don't care what happens to me, unless it serves their to agenda to care, i follow the advice i give to others. i don't put myself in harms way. life is not fair and never has been. i am responsible for my safety, my choices, my life. i hold myself accountable.
i guess, it makes you folks feel better to think that i am angry with fists balled up. lol! how would i type? lol! whatever brings you joy. quite the contrary. i really am laughing out loud in this exchange. WHY would i be upset? this is simple common sense you folks are arguing with as you keep making excuses and denying the truth of my statements.
my assessment of idiocy on this blog is not hypocrisy at all. because i am affording respect, "idiot" is the most respectful way i can convey my thoughts about the enabling dysfunction, excusatory comments. trust. i AM entitled to speak candidly and without asking permission of others. I give myself permission. i.am.not.sorry.
you said:
"And leave it to an angry egomaniacal Black women seeing a Black man forming a family with a woman (and especially a non-Black woman) as a form of "extracting resources". Everything again about winning and losing this racial hierarchy game."
clueless much? lol! that is the best i can say for you on that. i have already said, go in peace. it matters not to me. the world ALREADY thinks bm are dumb by nature. if you can't wrap your brain around what i am saying, then, maybe they have a point.
furthermore, it is plain to see that bm today, unlike bm of yesterday, have given up any efforts/hopes of winning "this racial hierarchy game." there is nothing like being able to form a "family with a woman (and especially a non-Black woman)" to knock that bm come up talk right off. hey, i have said it before and will say it again, if bm don't care, bw can't afford to care.
i have said throughout this thread that bw must stop having sex and children with males that don't esteem them enough to marry them. go back and read it for yourself.
bw's legs are no more open than any other woman on the planet. the difference is the behavior of the men. run and get your stats and then ask yourself, looking at the numbers, would it be reasonable to say that there are more irresponsible bm than responsible ones? i think, this is also why advocates of bw dating out suggest that more bw exercise those options. but that seems to tick you boys off as well.
so, we stand in agreement. bw must not have coffee much less children with the bulk of bm. the average bm will kill the quality of your life if not you and make an excuse rather than a change or amends.
i said clearly earlier:
"bw that want to live abundantly will need to stop with the "brotha" nonsense and VET like all hell."
i am posting this again:
"i find it interesting that pinheads like yourself never quite get around to slicing and dicing ww when their sons are terrorists to all they encounter on the planet, serial killers, theives, rapists, and pillagers of people, cultures, and continents."
WHY is that? why do you negroes only do this with bw? no other woman/first teacher/mother is denigrated like the bw. i understand why other nations do it, i don't get why bm do it. there are idiots on this thread going to wear t-shirts denigrating bw...yet you are offended by the word idiot. incidentally, bm are coming up and rivaling wm when it comes to being...serial killers. lol! again...EMULATING ALL THE WRONG THINGS!!!
food for thought:
single rates between bw and bm are near equal despite bw outnumbering bm. i am not the only one not considering bm a prize...
TBT-
calm down. you seem a little peeved. emotional discipline. you cannot control what i say/comment. you can control you little temper. give it a shot.
if more bm would get control of themselves, they would feel better about themselves.
i have not told a lie nor distorted a thing. you are having a feminine melt down because of your chronic state of denial.
i don't care who Rocky is married to. his nonstop anti-bw drivel motivates me to hope he has the courage to find a ww or non bw and call it a day. for the sake of the bw in the equation. i also know that being married to a bw in no way changes the unhealthy white/whiter skin worship preference. mcnair, anyone? anyone? among MANY others...
Now you think black men is dumb by nature.
If you were so smart then you sellout black women could attract white men without using blog "billboards".
Then you made mention about black men not marrying their women. From my understanding black men "overall" marry black women more than any other race of men.
Why don't you lash out at the non black men for not being interested in marrying you?
The white media denigrates black women. Black men denigrate black women how? I only respond to your stupid statements concerning black men.
First it was the Obama debacle. I still get no answers that one lol.
Then you mention that black men are not a prize. I assure you are in the same boat as black men. So what is your point?
Black men are not COMPLAINING about getting a date or marriage. It seems like only black women crying and complaining.
I am not ticked off by you dating out. I wasn't the one banning E Harmony because white men will not respond to me.
Every post got some complaint about black men. You keep saying you are dating out.
Black men continue to date out nearly "double" than black women do. They don't even blog as much and go on about "how great they are". Black men are not on cable programs talking about "woes me I cannot get a date".
What race of women need to go on a blog to say " Why they are marriage material to the world".
That's your insecurity. I will tell you what, come back and stop using black men as a "crutch".
Good day
a clue for the Queen because i am a charitable that way-
bw are incapable of socializing bb to be men.
this could be why no other woman on the planet is expected to undertake such a task.
got it?
@Anonymous
Let me ask you something:
Why is it that in order for a BW to "date out" she must be the "best quality" BW? Educated, socialized primarily around whites, etc? But for ANY other race of women to date out they merely just have to be WOMEN. Matter of fact, for any BW to date and marry a BM she merely has to be a WOMAN.
But white men, the men you claim are MORE likely to appreciate black women and their "unique" features make you all jump through hoops to even get a date! Where is the "RECIPROCITY". Why aren't TYPICAL BW good enough for even the lowest of white man. How is that FAIR?
BM are far more likely to date ANY race of woman based on her characteristics as a FEMALE - not based on her education, social status, linguistics, ability to "fit in", etc. Yet WM, SOLELY WHEN DATING BW, have strict criteria. That's why you al advocate IR dating for mainly the "upwardly mobile" BW. Naomi Campbell is a world-class supermodel, Halle Berry is a movie star, Iman another world-class supermodel, etc. All these women had RESOURCES before a white man would look their way. Most BW who date WM are at least college-educatied and we all know that is LESS THAN 20% of all black women. That means 4 out of 5 BW would more than likely NOT be "good enough". So who is of lesser value to BW?
And speaking of value, BW are of no value to each other OR the BC as a whole, either. Just because they fill up the church pew and are raising children alone does not make them of value. BW do not have any economic power and MANY got caught up in the housing debacle, losing their homes that they were so proudly bragging about a few years ago. You know, the ones who said they couldn't get a date because they were so successful and owned their own homes and BM were intimidated. LOL.
I applaud your persistence in keeping up your mission. The 2010 census will be a huge wake-up call for your movement. A nearly 80% OOW rate and BW's children continuing to fail in schools. If a BW can't even raise a child that can graduate high school, where is this glorious strength, wisdom and hard-work ethic you all scream about. Socializing boys into men is one thing but raising two consecutive generations of high school dropouts is a WHOLE other story. Even Obama's mother was able to make sure he succeeded in school.
But BW will continue to blame blame blame while every other race of women secures the future of her family by picking WISELY and behaving in accordance with what will keep her marriage and family together.
@Rashida,
Anon mentioned this:
"...men regulate the behavior of other men. folks love to scream about all the decent men they know and yet pretend they haven't noticed that these so-called "decent" bm function like little cowards when it comes time to deal with their super-predator, criminal, raping, molesting, baby making and abandoning "brothas"
She must understand that there arent any goon squads of white men patrolling their neighborhoods looking for white miscreants. The socialization begins in the home.
"Now you think black men is dumb by nature...." blah blah blah!
lmbao!
Rashida-
in order for us to dialogue, you will need to get connected to reality. ok?
this colossal whopper suggests that you are still DISconnected:
"Matter of fact, for any BW to date and marry a BM she merely has to be a WOMAN."
i am NOT addressing the wholesale dishonor of bw, which bw are in alarming numbers complicit in, aka, baby mama-dom. to participate in THAT dishonorable mess one need not be a WOMAN, but simply FEMALE. to be a baby mama requires females. to be a man's wife requires more than simply being a woman, especially if he is to be upwardly mobile with resources to adequately/comfortably provided for and secure. ESPECIALLY, a bm's wife. bm marry very few of the women with which they co-habitate, procreate, and sex.
i invite you to set aside, if you are able, your freakishly unhealthy male-identified perspective. think for a moment without trying to move forward the trifling bm agenda which requires excuses in lieu of responsibility and accountability. then come back and try again. i will NOT join you out in left field sis. i don't have the time nor the patience.
i said:
especially if he is to be upwardly mobile with resources to adequately/comfortably provided for and secure
i meant:
especially if he is to be upwardly mobile with resources to adequately/comfortably provide for his family and afford them any measure of security.
calm down. you seem a little peeved. emotional discipline. you cannot control what i say/comment. you can control you little temper. give it a shot.
I could control your comments. But unlike your weak minded sisters, I feel no need to censor.
i have not told a lie nor distorted a thing. you are having a feminine melt down because of your chronic state of denial.
You distort much. Whether you are lying or just delusional depends on what is in your head.
i don't care who Rocky is married to. his nonstop anti-bw drivel motivates me to hope he has the courage to find a ww or non bw and call it a day. for the sake of the bw in the equation. i also know that being married to a bw in no way changes the unhealthy white/whiter skin worship preference. mcnair, anyone? anyone? among MANY others...
You don’t care who I am with, yet you are hoping that I get with a certain person? You contradict yourself. You don’t even know what you care about.
bw are incapable of socializing bb to be men.
So why do so many desire to be in that position?
this could be why no other woman on the planet is expected to undertake such a task.
No othe woman on the planet endeavors to undertake such a task.
got it?
bw's legs are no more open than any other woman on the planet. the difference is the behavior of the men. run and get your stats and then ask yourself, looking at the numbers, would it be reasonable to say that there are more irresponsible bm than responsible ones?
http://pajamasmedia.com/blog/obama-lay-off-black-fathers/
"A month before Obama made this stereotypical and plainly false assertion, Boston University professor Rebekah Levine Coley, in a comprehensive study on the black family, found that black fathers who aren’t in the home are much more likely to sustain regular contact with their children than absentee white fathers, or for that matter, fathers of any other ethnic group. The study is not an obscure study buried in the thick pages of a musty academic journal. It was widely cited in a feature article on Black fathers in the May 19, 2008 issue of Newsweek. There was no excuse then to spout this myth. The facts are totally contrary to Obama’s knock."
Also, if you read the research, the out of wedlock birth rate for black women is lower than ever, yet the reason for the high percentage of OOW births is the fact that birth rate of married black women is lower than ever.
So basically what it comes to is that for too many black women, childbirth is a flawed attempt at getting a man to commit as opposed to something done once a man has committed. Too many black women seem averse to doing those things which typically win men's hearts (like being sweet) and would rather try and demand or trap men into commitment. When these women marry, they then see little reason for having children and thus cease to do so. Married black women have on average LESS than one child (lower than all other groups).
The result is a limited number of children born to two parent homes and domination by children born and raised by single black women.
It's funny how the birth control works quite well once many black women are married, yet doesn't function so well while they are single. Makes you go hmmmmmm.
@Rocky,
I just received in the mail The Consequences of Marriage for African Americans: A Comprehensive Literature Review. It was done by the Institute for American Values.
It reported that visitation by non-residential fathers correlates positively with delinquent behavior. My guess is that their arrival and especially their departure is marked by high levels of anxiety and God knows what the interaction is between the parents during these visits.
This is why I get upset when black single mother speak, quite flippantly, about black men "stepping up." What does that even mean and why do they think that that is enough for the positive development of children? Black women can just continue having children out of wedlock if they believe that the black man not "stepping up" is the actual source of the problem with their children.
Its obvious that visiting fatherhood isnt cutting it.
She must understand that there arent any goon squads of white men patrolling their neighborhoods looking for white miscreants. The socialization begins in the home.
So true. Their notion of white men protecting and defending is an unfounded cliché. It's something they made up. I addressed that here:
http://blackmenconfrontingthelies.blogspot.com/2009/01/black-men-dont-defend-black-women-and.html
They ignore all of those white men who either watched or ran while gangs of black youths assaulted white women and men during the Seattle Mardi Gras Riots. Where were the great defenders then?
Individuals protect their own nowadays and police attempt to protect us all. This extends to all groups.
The banshees shriek and demand everything. The more that we - MEN - surrender to their wishes, the sooner we will be destroyed by the banshees. We already have a lower survival rate. Women live longer than men. It's time for us to put our feet down!
PacMan
@ Rocky & Kigali
SO ON POINT, SO ON POINT.
Kigali,
I remember reading a study about how "weekend dads" cause much more harm than good for children. The relationship between un-married or divorced parents is typically contentious and children obviously pick up on the friction. So black men "stepping up" actually means "marry me and set me up". These chicks don't care about the children they create - it's all about getting the MAN. And like Rocky said, once MANY black women get the MAN, they automatically stop getting pregnant - HMMMMM....
I honestly believe the birthrate among married blacks is so low because many BW do not want to downgrade their lifestyle or derail their career by staying home. What the SSC never talks about are the sacrifices many non-bw make in order to be stay-at-home moms or part-time workers. There is always a trade-off. Just because you see a woman in a park in the middle of the day with her baby does not mean she is not sacrificing.
Too many BW live in a delusional state. They have no clue what it really takes to build a strong family. All they are going by is glimpses of other women's lives, celebrities, and advertising. This is why they think most non BW are living lives out of a pottery barn catalogue.
Many married BW see child-birth and child-rearing as an impediment to their careers, social lives and hair appointments. Even the SSC only talks about children to demonstrate why it is important for them to be born in wedlock and that non BM "seem to get this". No mention ever of the joys of motherhood and the desire to be a good mother. Just like there is never any mention of the desire to be a good wife. No discussion of a man's needs. Just ME ME ME, GIMME GIMME GIMME.
The egotistical nature of these BW astound me. These are the same women who need to host seminars to "get up the courage" to date a white man. I swear the majority of BW in America today are suffering from cognitive dissonance. They really need psychological help.
Okay, there were two banshees that harassed me at a store. They insisted they I cheated on their female friend and proceeded to revile me in public. The friend was hiding behind a shelf during this vicious attack. But after staring at me for a few minutes, she approached me and informed her friends that I was not her ex-boyfriend but a stranger.
Well, guess what?! The two females didn't even apologize. In fact, they laughed about how a "brotha deserved it!"
PacMan
bw's legs are no more open than any other woman on the planet. the difference is the behavior of the men. run and get your stats and then ask yourself, looking at the numbers, would it be reasonable to say that there are more irresponsible bm than responsible ones?
Really? Here is one stat: In 2007, the HIV/AIDS rate for Black men was 8x rate that it was for White men. For Black women, the HIV/AIDS rate was 22x the rate that it is for White women. Since Black women (and most women) mostly get HIV/AIDS through heterosexual contact with men, shouldn't Black women's rate be closer to 8x White womenand not the whopping 22x? It would be if Black women weren't engaging in more risky behavior.
http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/aa/resources/factsheets/aa.htm
single rates between bw and bm are near equal despite bw outnumbering bm. i am not the only one not considering bm a prize...
You are right, single rates are near equal, but marriage rates aren't. 40.2% of Black men are now married, while only 29.4 of Black women are.
http://www.census.gov/population/www/documentation/twps0483/acs04_ms_table2.pdf
Keep in mind that the Census data includes people that are incarcerated, who have an extremely low chance of finding someone.
Also nearly three-quarters of Black/White IR marriages and about 5 out of 6 Black/Asian IR marriages feature Black men.
Make no mistake, I am not claiming that Black men are sex gods and they don't need to be. I think that any good man no matter his race will be in demand among responsible and sensible women.
"i find it interesting that pinheads like yourself never quite get around to slicing and dicing ww when their sons are terrorists to all they encounter on the planet, serial killers, theives, rapists, and pillagers of people, cultures, and continents."
We wouldn't mention White motherhood at all if Black females such as yourself would stop parading White men to us if they are the embodiment of all that is sacred .
You go out of your way and you fail miserably to try to make us feel as inadequate in comparison to White men as many of you feel in comparison to White women and other women. You can dish it out, but your ego definately means you can't take it when we point out the obvious. If White men are great, then their moms got them off to a good start, beginning with her choice of who to conceive with. If Black men are terrible, then what does that say about Black motherhood?
What is truly funny is for all of the "living well" you plan on doing with your White Knight you once again reveal how you truly feel about them:
terrorists to all they encounter on the planet, serial killers, theives, rapists, and pillagers of people, cultures, and continents
Look, Black females like you are not fooling anybody, including most White men. They know you don't give a damn about them, you only care about what you perceive they can do for you (i.e. use his position in society to advance your egos - mind you that most White men are rank and file and in position where they can't even help themselves).
Does it get any more unappealing and unromantic than that? Just like Rashida said "No discussion of a man's needs. Just ME ME ME, GIMME GIMME GIMME."
This is why when the SSC do end up with a White man, he usually isn't worth a damn nor is anything close to an "Alpha male". Any sane and sensible man can see through the bullshit.
@Pacman
"Well, guess what?! The two females didn't even apologize. In fact, they laughed about how a "brotha deserved it!""
You should have called the police on those bitches! Why didn't you?
Some men can be gentlemen in the face of banshees. Notice the boys in Rocky's videos who were pummeled by girls. These boys behaved as true gentlemen. What is revealing is the behavior of uncivilized, venomous women!
PacMan
Rashida:I honestly believe the birthrate among married blacks is so low because many BW do not want to downgrade their lifestyle or derail their career by staying home.
Many married BW see child-birth and child-rearing as an impediment to their careers, social lives and hair appointments:
A lot of people are expressing the option of a childfree lifestyle which is their right to do so.
It seems like if you are a black woman and do not want kids then you have no value in society or the black community and people often ask why you do not have kids even if you don't have a husband.
It's simple they cost too much, too damn bad and it's too many damn people here already.
If the husbands of those women want kids unless of course the woman can't conceive then those men can remarry. These are things you need to talk about before marriage and about the hair salon thing keep yo bad ass kid at home! (lol)
The reason some black married couples are not having kids could be different reasons.
1. Black women are marrying at an older age. Their husbands might have had children with other women or woman before he married her ( In most cases).
2. Some Black women could be infertile due to being older and having a chronic illness. Just a possibility.
I remember going to Geisinger in PA (Big Hospital). I had to take my fiancee to an Ophthalmologist for her eyes.
I passed the fertility clinic and just saw white folks in their. I was like damn where the black women at?
3. Black women choosing not to have kids for several reasons. They may have family members with kids already and don't feel the need to have kids.
My mother ask me why don't you adopt you got no kids.
That's really necessary. I can get a surrogate woman to do it or a "mistress". Depending on how dire the situation is.
Of course, putting your relationship in trouble is not a good idea.
But there is many options out there.
Take it easy.
"These are things you need to talk about before marriage and about the hair salon thing keep yo bad ass kid at home! (lol)"
My mother used to take me with her to the beauty salon. Of course, that was back in the day. lol
@Truth B Told,
"You are right, single rates are near equal, but marriage rates aren't. 40.2% of Black men are now married, while only 29.4 of Black women are."
Is it right to infer that all the black men that can marry are married and those that cant arent? For black females, for those who can marry, very few of them are, and those who cant, arent?
“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
There is no room for Momma undermining the relationship if we are dealing with a grown-assed man. Momma did her work in raising him and instilling morals and values; giving him a sense of individuality. It’s the parent’s job to instill in him a respect for women and himself. If Momma still has to perform that work after he has taken on a wife; then something is wrong. Black men have become spoiled by their overbearing mommas and end up playing the part of “immature sons” to their wives. The wife has to raise both her kids and her hudband- because Momma didn’t finish her work; leaving her son unable to sustain the marriage for he is emotionally incapable. The only "Titties" he should be concerned with are his wife's. “I want a girl, just like the girl- that married dear old dad,” has broken up quite a few marriages. The son will constantly compare his new bride to his momma- and if she doesn’t measure up out she goes. If he is unable to handle conflict in the home like a real man, he will run to his Momma like the little boy that he is. He will never be a good husband to any woman; because an overbearing and intrusive momma has turned him into a suckling son. I'm a 52 year old black male and father of four grown children.
So the problem continues to be WOMEN.
PacMan
wow...black men really despise and revile black women. :(
I'm glad i realised this now before it's too late.
Do you go to the black female IR blogs and comment on how they despise and revile black men?
do you go to black men ir sites (whitewomenblackmen.com) or anti-black women youtube videos and comment on how much they revile black women?
p.s.s. Gibster, BRAVO! I'm glad a REAL Black man (not boy) gave his input.
Interesting...
I agree with the last anonymous commenter. Its obvious that a lot of Black men really do despise Black women. You actually had the rabbit ass nerve to post an article by a WHITE WOMAN dissing Black women. That speaks volumes right there. Plus, after you talk about how these MIL problems span the globe, you continue to act as if this is a problem that only Black women have!
Ladies, it comes down to this. If you MIL has the ability to come between you and your husband, you need to RUN, because you have married a child. My former roomate, an Indian girl, just got married a couple of weeks ago to a guy whose mother absolutely HATED her for most of their relationships (they're from different language groups in India). When he made up his mind to marry this girl, he sat his mama down and let her know that he intended to marry, love, and respect this woman and put her first. Now, she and her MIL get along swimmingly. A mother will most definitely accept a woman if she thinks she might lose her son if she doesn't. So, its the MEN'S job to put a foot down.
Now, if you're still on mama's tit like that ("mama comes first"), then please STAY AT HOME WITH YOUR MOTHER. Nobody wants a grown foster kid.
p.s. for the idiot who used BW's AIDS rates to say we were loose, you're an idiot. BW get AIDS more because our men contract it more (from all those lovely prison terms) & thanks to man-sharing, one HIV-positive brotha can spread it to a lot of sistas. Get it right.
SZ said...
Interesting...
I agree with the last anonymous commenter. Its obvious that a lot of Black men really do despise Black women.
You mean that it is something that YOU perceive as obvious, while most realists don’t perceive this.
You actually had the rabbit ass nerve to post an article by a WHITE WOMAN dissing Black women.
I had the “rabbit ass nerve” to post an article written by a WHITE WOMAN detailing her personal experience with a black mother-in-law. It is YOU who perceives it as “dissing Black women”.
That speaks volumes right there. Plus, after you talk about how these MIL problems span the globe, you continue to act as if this is a problem that only Black women have!
Of course, nowhere in my blog states or implies that this is a problem “only Black women have”. So if you want a real discussion, stop making things up.
Ladies, it comes down to this. If you MIL has the ability to come between you and your husband, you need to RUN, because you have married a child. My former roomate, an Indian girl, just got married a couple of weeks ago to a guy whose mother absolutely HATED her for most of their relationships (they're from different language groups in India). When he made up his mind to marry this girl, he sat his mama down and let her know that he intended to marry, love, and respect this woman and put her first. Now, she and her MIL get along swimmingly. A mother will most definitely accept a woman if she thinks she might lose her son if she doesn't. So, its the MEN'S job to put a foot down.
Thanks for the straw man, but this has little relevance to the article. Let me give you an analogy. A strong young man with self-respect, pride, ambition, etc. will not allow anyone to talk him into using drugs. Yet, it is widely accepted that when drugs are introduced to a community, the result will be increased drug use within that community.
You see, we are talking about group dynamics, not about individual character. You can go on all day about how a real man, etc. will not allow his mother to interfere in his marriage, yet in any culture, the widespread interference by men’s mothers will result in an overall increase in marital instability. Any negative introduced into a community will result in negative outcomes even when clearly individuals have the choice of not allowing these negatives to affect them. That is just reality.
Now, if you're still on mama's tit like that ("mama comes first"), then please STAY AT HOME WITH YOUR MOTHER. Nobody wants a grown foster kid.
Thanks for the continued straw man.
p.s. for the idiot who used BW's AIDS rates to say we were loose, you're an idiot. BW get AIDS more because our men contract it more (from all those lovely prison terms) & thanks to man-sharing, one HIV-positive brotha can spread it to a lot of sistas. Get it right.
I guess it is evident that you hate black men right?
The problem is that while black men contract HIV at 8 times the rate of white men, then black women should contract it at 8 times the rate of white women. But black women contract it at 22 times the rate of white women. So there is something more to it than your blaming of black men. Regarding your “prison term” reasoning, would that not show the way that so many black women are attracted to ex-convicts? Of course, your “prison term” reasoning is something made up.
The main point of the article is that women are usually the problem.
PacMan
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