Spending Habits And Divorce

A lot has been mentioned of the high divorce rate for black marriages and it has been shown that money is the leading cause of today's divorces. With black men and women typically making less money than their white counterparts, one might deduce that this very factor makes finance influenced divorce more prevalent among blacks. But there is another factor, that being financial habits. A recent study gives a startling revelation about the financial circumstances of single black women:

"Women of all races bring home less income and own fewer assets, on average, than men of the same race, but for single black women the disparities are so overwhelmingly great that even in their prime working years their median wealth amounts to only $5."

"Among the most startling revelations in the wealth data is that while single white women in the prime of their working years (ages 36 to 49) have a median wealth of $42,600 (still only 61 percent of their single white male counterparts), the median wealth for single black women is only $5."

Now the disparities in income level between black women and white women are not even remotely as great as the disparity in median wealth between the two groups. Single white women don't come close to making twice the money single black women make, yet single white women seem to possess 8,520 times the median wealth of single black women. From the same study:

"Married or cohabitating white women have a median wealth of $167,500. Married or cohabitating black women have a median net worth of $31,500."

So when black women get married or live with men (predominantly black men), their median wealth becomes 5.3 times less than the median wealth of married or cohabitating white women. Quite a difference from 8,520. Seems that the greater frugality of their husbands make a world of difference. So how do black men do with regard to median wealth? Let's see:

"Excluding vehicles, [working age] single black women have a median wealth of $100 and Hispanic women $120 respectively, while their same-race male counterparts have $7,900 and $9,730. The median wealth of single white women is $41,500. To put it another way, single black and Hispanic women have one penny of wealth for every dollar of wealth owned by their male counterparts and a tiny fraction of a penny for every dollar of
wealth owned by white women."

"With so little in reserve, half of all single black and Hispanic women could not afford to take an unpaid sick day or to even have a major appliance repaired without going into debt."

So while black men seemingly are not doing great with regard to holding on to personal wealth, they are doing far better than black women. Even looking at the chart on the page, black men with children of any age have a median net worth of $26,000 compared to $100 for similar black women. Black men with children under the age of 18 have a median net worth of $10,960 compared to a median net worth of $0 for similar black women.

Of course, the claim will be that black women are overburdened with single motherhood, yet the fact is that there are 13 million single black women overall and 3.1 million single black mothers. Single black mothers, at less than 25% of all single black women, should not have such an extreme effect on the overall median net wealth of all single black women. So what is the reason? Here is a hint:

Almost seven in 10 (68 percent) Black women say that they buy what they really want ˜ in good times or bad. And many Black women face the temptation of unplanned spending when they are feeling stressed - nearly 40 percent report that they shop to cheer themselves up.

Two in five Black women feel guilty about how much they spend on expensive brands.

"For some Black women, excessive spending makes the road to long-term financial security even longer," Mims said. "To an extraordinary degree, Black women consider themselves trendsetters and centers of influence. Opinion-leading has its price."

As anyone knows, when a woman marries, she expects her husband to contribute to her spending habits. A woman who tends to spend money that she doesn't have will similarly expect her husband to spend money that he doesn't have. This is, in all likelihood where the "gold digger" stereotype came from. It's a misnomer. Black women are not any more likely to be gold diggers than any other group of women are are possibly less likely to be. What is prevalent is the tendency to demand excess expenditure from their men; excess being that which can't be afforded. Whether black women's men make 20 grand a year or 200 grand a year, quite often those men are expected to invest nearly all of it toward their women's desires. This inevitably causes conflict and contributes to the high divorce rate.

Demanding Love and Commitment

In 1981, Jennifer Holiday demanded that "you're gonna love me" and "I'm not going" in the the Broadway musical, Dreamgirls. Later on, Beyoncé asserted that "if you want it then you should have put a ring on it". Does it not seem that in modern times, a man's love, dedication, commitment, etc. are all things that women demand or are things women challenge men to do? Has the art of winning a man's heart been totally lost?

More commonly today and to an an even more exaggerated extend within the black community, there seems to be great priority in snagging men through pressure. Men are expected to yield to the pressure to marry women they impregnate even if those women have won no more feelings from these men than sexual arousal. Men are supposed to marry women because women "deserve" to be married or because men are obligated to marry them. Men are supposed to marry women even if doing so sacrifices their happiness and emotional well being. Many women feel that they must force men to respect them as opposed to winning men's respect. They feel that they must force men to accept responsibility as opposed to helping create an environment that inspires men to accept responsibility.

Today, men are no longer the kings of their castles. They generally don't even share the rule. Women rule the nest nowadays even when a man is in the house and they don't rule it based on being deserving, but rather by fighting a battle that their men overwhelmingly cannot win. Men hate to argue with their women, especially with the irrational way that women fight and argue. Such arguing and discourse is stressful for men while women seem to strive on it. So men give in and become resentful. Such resentment manifests in the passive aggressive ways so many women complain about and prompts men to keep their eyes open for ways out as soon as something they feel is better comes along.

Back in the day, women were socialized early on to be good wives. When a guy impregnated a woman, he could be reasonably confident she would make a decent wife. Nowadays, a man has no idea what he will get. Pleasing a man is currently low priority for women and often seen as demeaning. Men are viewed by women as unemotional creatures who are available to be verbally and physical beat up at a whim, yet when men allow such abuse, the women lose respect for them. So a man has a choice of being looked down on by his woman or fighting her to a degree that endangers the relationship. It's a lose-lose situation. Men are more and more avoiding such nonsense and women, in common irrational form, can't see this for the world and routinely accuse men of being immature and non-committing.

Black women, specifically, seem to have larger egos than other women; egos that are almost male-like. Such egos make any type of submission to their men or any type of catering to their men's egos out of the question while these same black female egos are satisfied when they demean their men. It is not uncommon for black men to be cursed out by their women even when not deserving of it. If a black man complains, he is asked to "man-up" and take it, yet if he takes in in stride, he is viewed as a punk. Making a suggestion to a black woman is commonly interpreted as telling her what to do and often results in a firm "nigga, shut up". Hell raising is a common response by black women to anything they disagree with. Black men are not supposed to have any feelings, any needs, any desires, opinions, wants, etc. in a relationship unless they are thugs or players. Thugs and players are treated like kings, yet rarely make good husbands and fathers.

Winning a man's heart should be first priority. Not trapping him with pregnancy. Not throwing the coochie at him from the jump. Not starting the relationship by throwing your kids off on him under the guise of a packaged deal. You should inspire him to love you through sweetness and supporting his efforts to be a man. Show him that when he comes home to you, he will come home to comfort. In a world of 5 billion, the only importance a man has is the importance he has within his own home. Support him building his own personal castle and he will love, protect and provide for you till the end. Leave the male-like egos behind. They are quite unappealing.